Talk:Clal Center

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Clal Center/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 04:26, 25 March 2016 (UTC)

Hi! I will review this. Sainsf <^>_{Feel at home} 04:26, 25 March 2016 (UTC)

Lead

• We typically do not include citations in the lead. As the lead should not contain any fact excluded from the main text, the citations generally remain in the main text.
  • Y Fixed. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)
• I think Israel should be linked
  • Y Done. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)

Location

• Link Jaffa Road
  • Y Done. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)
• Jerusalem and Israel will have to be mentioned again with the links; this is the beginning of the main text.
  • Y Done. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)
• while its southern facade faces Agrippas Street...accessible from Kiah Street. Source?
  • Y I added a new English-language citation for the part about the southern facade and a Hebrew citation for the parking garage entrance on Kiah Street. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)
• Is it Kiah Street or Kiach Street?
  • Y In English it's Kiah, so I made that spelling consistent. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)

Alliance Vocational School campus

• Can trade school be linked or explained?
  • Y I linked to vocational school. I moved the explanation of what went on at this school to the sentence after "trade school". Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)
• Can Paris be linked?
  • Y Done. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)
• I think you can add a note about what a dunam is. And perhaps "dunam" being a foreign word should have italics.
  • This is a conversion template, so I am unable to italicize or link it. A dunam is a standard measurement in Ottoman Turkey and its former holdings, like Israel. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)
• The gate is mounted between two stone pillars.The gate is not standing in its original location Can be merged
  • Y Done. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)
• a few dozen meters west Can it be more precise?
  • Y Sorry, I don't have a source for the exact measurement. I changed it to "further west". The Clal Center is on the corner, on the opposite corner is an apartment house, and then comes the Mahane Yehuda Market parking lot. Here is a picture to give you an idea of the location of the mural. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)

Design

• The commercial levels What does this mean?
  • Changed to "shopping levels". Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)
• Can Israeli architecture be linked?
  • Y Done. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)
• these nets are still in place today. When is "today"?
  • Y Removed this phrase. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)
• Some speculated that Appears vague. Who speculated?
  • Y It was a popular rumor. I also heard it when I first came to Israel. I rephrased the sentence to avoid "some speculated". Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)

Use

• today, many stores are used as storerooms by Mahane Yehuda Market merchants When is "today"?
  • Y Dated it by the date of the source. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)
• Duplink: Jerusalem Light Rail
  • Y Fixed. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)

Criticism

• Who is Kroyanker? You should introduce these people by their full names.
  • Y He was already introduced by full name and link in Project Goals, but I reintroduced him here. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)

Sorry, I did not notice it earlier. We need not introduce him again, so I removed the second mention. Sainsf <^>_{Feel at home} 07:26, 27 March 2016 (UTC)

• Can foot traffic be linked or explained?
  • Y I rephrased it as "commercial activity". To my understanding, "commercial activity" refers to sales and stores, while "business activity" refers to office space. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)

Incident

• Sixteen were killed We typically keep numbers above 10 in digits
  • Y Done. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)
• a father and daughter legal team What does it mean?
  • Y I fleshed out the description. Does that help? Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)

Yes, better.

Images: The images appear to have been squashed by the infobox. You can change their aligns so that the text corresponds to the image at least near to it, if not beside it.

• I'm not expert on the technical side of things. I put the memorial images one after another under Alliance Vocational School campus and the following images one after another under Design. I don't understand what you want me to do. Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)

I think I have solved this problem now. Sainsf <^>_{Feel at home} 07:32, 27 March 2016 (UTC)

• Note: I would like to note that the Jerusalem Municipality has suddenly taken down its Clal Center page (in Hebrew), which I used for a lot of the information. Will that be a problem? Yoninah (talk) 20:04, 26 March 2016 (UTC)

I think not. As per Wikipedia:Link rot#Keeping dead links, we can keep such necessary sources. Nevertheless, you can try to relocate the source at web archives. I had a similar discussion at Talk:Pink slime/GA3. Sainsf <^>_{Feel at home} 07:32, 27 March 2016 (UTC)

That should be all. Good luck! Sainsf <^>_{Feel at home} 04:43, 25 March 2016 (UTC)

Hi @Sainsf: thanks for starting the review. I've been offline for a few days due to Purim and Shabbat, and will get back to you shortly. Yoninah (talk) 17:53, 26 March 2016 (UTC)

@Yoninah: Thanks for your response. I believe the article meets all the GA criteria now. No copyvio detected, sources look good, images are better now and the prose great. I am happy to promote this. Cheers! Sainsf <^>_{Feel at home} 07:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)

Thanks! Yoninah (talk) 08:35, 27 March 2016 (UTC)