Talk:Chitradurga Fort/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 02:54, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Overall this is an okay article, though I found a few concerns:

You interchange Chitradurga Fort and Chitradurga fort when discussing it; stick with the former.
- Done now.
"Chitradurga fort lies in the midst of valley formed by the Vedavati River" huh? like a valley in the river? reword.
- Changed
"Features of massive rock hills and scenic valleys, huge towering boulders in inconceivable shapes are seen in the fort precincts" Using a term like 'inconceivable' would need a citation.
- Removed word ‘inconcieivable’
Don't use "til"; use until, more encyclopedic.
- Changed
"was the founder ruler in the hierarchy of the Nayakas of Chitradurga." Stick with either founder or first ruler.
- First ruler used
The list of rulers probably isn't needed, since the article's about the fort, not the empire's history.
- List is removed
"At times he had allied himself with Hyder Ali of Mysore Kingdom and at other times with the Marathas" Who? Nayaka? Then he's be allying with the enemy, that makes no sense.
- Reformed the sentence
"But Hyder Ali attacked the Chitradurga Fort first time in 1760, the second time in 1770 and the third time successfully in 1779 when he defeated Madakari Nayaka, took him a prisoner and also killed him." Huh? I only partially understand some of this.
- Reconstructed the sentence
I don't get why the coins are in a blockquote.
- Removed the quote
"It was during one such war that the heroics of Onake Obavva, the wife of a soldier guarding the fort became a legendary event." You mention this a couple lines below, no need to duplicate.
- Removed the duplicate sentence
"Chitradurga became a part of Mysore province and ruled from Mysore." Second part's a little redundant.
- Done
"In this process, she bravely killed several enemy soldiers, one by one without any hubbub" At least try to make the prose encyclopedic.
- Chnaged the sentence
"Its architecture was thus primarily defensive in design." redundant, this is mentioned many times previously.
- Removed
"But they now show deterioration." Try to avoid fragmenty sentences like this, combine them with others or reword.
- Formed a full sentence
Legend/Feature films/Spiderman sections need a cite.
- Spideman section deleted. Legend section is based on intelinked article Hidimbi
Going off of that, I really question the point of the Spiderman section and would prefer removal.
- Removed
You're going to need someone to copyedit this one. The prose and punctuation are just not at GA-level right now.
- I am requesting Dr Blofeld for editing before renominating the article on GAN

Admittedly after reading this, I realized that I honestly struggled to get through it and make sense of it. That, combined with the prose and referencing issues, is a red flag. As a result, I am failing this article as a GA. If you can get someone to rewrite it and fix the issues, then it can be brought back to GAN. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 03:47, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I have noted the review comments and revised the article complying to all observations. I am requesting Dr. Blofeld for editing.--Nvvchar (talk) 07:34, 11 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]