Talk:Charles Lappenbusch/GA1

GA Review

Passed. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 02:37, 23 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Gonzo fan2007 (talk · contribs) 22:12, 22 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

Delete for a time, too colloquial
at which he served , you use "in which" later in the lead, which sounds better to me
for 20 seasons, and was their all-time wins comma not needed

Early life and education

Link pre-medical.

Coaching career

Lappenbusch was hired by the school as assistant line coach in 1931., not immediately apparent to the layman that this is referencing American football
mass produced should have a dash in it
of the day including Frank Leahy of Notre Dame. comma before including

Personal life and death

I'm not sure the first 2 sentences are encyclopedic. Anyway to merge them or summarize them in a more encyclopedia way? The way the yare written almost seem like "fun facts"
- I deleted the second sentence. I slightly reworded the first one - I kind of like it, but I can remove it if you want.
  - This is fine. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 02:16, 23 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Works

No comments

Head coaching record

Could you distinguish that it is football without using a section header? Typically we don't have a single sub-header like this.
- As for as I'm aware that's how its done for college coaches of multiple sports, but I could change it to perhaps "Head football coaching record" if you'd like.
  - I think that makes sense since there are no other records in that section, just football. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 02:16, 23 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
    - Done. BeanieFan11 (talk) 02:18, 23 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Add the text "Source:" before Ref #14
- I'm sorry, I'm not exactly understanding what you're asking me to do - could you elaborate? I'm not exactly sure adding "Source:" after and died in September 1996 in Enumclaw, Washington would make sense.
  - I fixed it. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 02:16, 23 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

References

Spot check:
- 1. 3 looks good.
  2. 4 looks good.
  3. 8 looks good.
  4. 11 looks good.
  5. 12 looks good

Images

Image is non-free but appears appropriate.

Looks good, putting on hold. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 22:12, 22 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Gonzo fan2007: I've either fixed or replied to each of your points. BeanieFan11 (talk) 01:00, 23 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
- Nice work, passed. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 02:35, 23 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.