Talk:Carl Etelman/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: PCN02WPS (talk · contribs) 01:44, 24 July 2022 (UTC)

Hi there, I'll review this article. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 01:44, 24 July 2022 (UTC)

Comments are below, I'll do another pass through and look at sources once these are resolved. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 02:27, 24 July 2022 (UTC)

Lead and infobox

• "Whitman High School" can be linked to Whitman-Hanson Regional High School in both the lead and infobox.
• "He also played professionally in the" → might also want to link "professionally" to Professional gridiron football

Early life and education

• "He attended Fairhaven High School and Academy, graduating in 1920" → switches from past tense to present tense after the comma
• "He was team captain as a senior, playing the quarterback position in football" → he is stated as a team captain and then the sport is named, so I'd switch this order ("In football, he was a team captain as a senior and played the quarterback position" or something similar)
• "eventually fought his way into the end zone" → link End zone
• "He collapsed onto the field after reaching the goal line" → link Goal line (gridiron football)
• "that he fractured his ankle and injured his collarbone" → wouldn't hurt to link Ankle fracture and clavicle here, I suppose
• This might boil down to personal opinion, but I feel the Woodard quote is a bit long and doesn't need to be reproduced here in its entirety. I think it would read much better if it was integrated into the prose as some of the quotes beforehand are, or at least shortened a bit. The second paragraph isn't needed at all IMO since you describe that incident in prose the paragraph prior.
• "but stayed in the game and two plays later kicked a 40-yard field goal and was carried off the field" → fine content-wise but a little repetitive (emphasis is mine), perhaps reword the last bit to say "...but stayed in the game and kicked a 40-yard field goal two plays later, after which he was carried off the field" or something similar.

Professional career

• Whitman High School can be linked again here since this is the first mention in the article's body
• "Etelman's play was described as, "the game's feature."" → comma after "as" is unneeded
• "He wore number 14 with the Steam Roller" → uncited; just use the same footnote again as the previous sentence since that information comes from the Pro FB Reference page

Coaching career

• "of the 1934 season, and since then. Whitman has gone unbeaten and untied" → period after "then" should be a comma per the source
• "turning many a seeming defeat into a victory with his skill and daring" → this quote is also used in the previous section, I think it would be best to use it only once, or at least to use it only once as a direct quotation

Personal life and death

• "the finance chairman of the local Republican Party" → link Republican Party (United States)
  • @PCN02WPS: Thanks for the review. I think I've made all the changes you've suggested. Let me know if there's anything else you want me to do. BeanieFan11 (talk) 17:09, 24 July 2022 (UTC)
    • @BeanieFan11: awesome, I think we're good as far as I can tell! All of the references look good to me and the one image used is clearly relevant (a picture of the article's subject itself), is public domain, and has a suitable caption. Happy to give this a pass and to say thank you for all you do for historical CFB on Wikipedia! PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 01:20, 25 July 2022 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.