Talk:Boril of Bulgaria/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Iazyges (talk · contribs) 19:05, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
Will start soon. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 19:05, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
Criteria
[edit]GA Criteria
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GA Criteria:
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- No DAB links
- No dead links
- No missing citations
Thank you for your comprehensive review. I highly appreciate your hard work. Please find my comments below. Borsoka (talk) 03:42, 12 April 2020 (UTC)
Discussion
[edit]- The Madgearu source is with a 2016 date in citations, but given a 2017 date in Secondary sources, breaking the ref template; please correct whichever date is wrong. -- Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 17:22, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
Done.
- The "Barbolova, Zoya" and "George Akropolite" references do not use the SFN reference template used by all other citations. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 17:47, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
Alternative solution: a "Further reading" section created for Barbolova. Undone. Different citation templates for primary sources is not unprecedented in other GAs and academic sources almost always use different citation styles for primary and secondary sources.
Prose Suggestions
[edit]Please note that all of these are suggestions, and can be implemented or ignored at your discretion.
Lede
[edit]- was emperor (tsar) of Bulgaria from 1207 to 1218. suggest was the emperor (tsar) of Bulgaria from 1207 to 1218.
Done.
- After Kaloyan died unexpectedly in October 1207, Boril married his widow, a Cuman princess, to seize the throne. suggest either After Kaloyan died unexpectedly in October 1207, Boril seized the throne, and married the widow of Kaloyan, a Cuman princess or After Kaloyan died unexpectedly in October 1207, Boril married his widow, a Cuman princess, to legitimize his claim on the throne.
Alternative solution: a statement about Boril's seizing the throne after his marriage.
- He convoked the synod of the Bulgarian Church in early 1211. At the assembly, the bishops condemned the Bogomils for heresy. suggest linking the in early 1211 part to "Synod of 1211", or something similar, as it seems like such a page has potential to be created. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 17:39, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
Done.
- he sought assistance from Andrew II of Hungary, suggest he sought the assistance of Andrew II of Hungary, generally in English, so far as I have been taught, you seek the assistance of a person, or from a thing; it is grammatically correct to switch the two, but it is odd to read. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 17:39, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
Done.
- suppress the riot riot doesn't track with the same intensity of "uprising", suggest changing to suppress the rebellion.
Done.
- He defeated Boril, who was captured and blinded in Tarnovo in 1218. suggest Boril was captured by Ivan Asen, who had him blinded in Tarnovo in 1218.
Alternative solution: "He captured and blinded Boril..."
Additions to Lede
[edit]- Would also mention the possibility that the marriage to Kumankata was done to gain the support of the Cumans, as this is mentioned in Early life and seems pertinent. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 17:39, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
Alternative solution: (see above)
- Would mention that the Cuman princess' name was Kumankata. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 17:56, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
Undone. (She was not named Kumankata. It is a Bulgarian word meaning "the Cuman woman".
- Would mention that Boril was also the nephew of Peter II and Ivan Asen I. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 17:44, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
Done.
Early life
[edit]- Boril was the son of a sister of Peter II, Ivan Asen I and Kaloyan, who were emperors (or tsars) of the restored Bulgarian Empire. expectation of "sister" is that one person will follow, so suggest removing surprise by saying Boril was the son of a sister of three emperors (or tsars) of the restored Bulgarian Empire, Peter II, Ivan Asen I and Kaloyan
Done.
- The etymology of his name is uncertain, because it may be connected either to the Slavic verb boriti ("to fight"), or to the Turkic noun böri ("wolf"). suggest removing because.
Done. Suggest moving the second paragraph on to the beginning of the "Disintegration" section; and perhaps renaming it to "Rise to the throne" or something similar. Done.
- Kaloyan died suddenly during the siege of Thessaloniki in October 1207. would explain that Kaloyan was the one laying siege to Thessaloniki; perhaps Kaloyan died suddenly while laying siege to Thessaloniki in October 1207
Done.
- Rumours started to spread claiming that the patron saint of the besieged town, Demetrius, killed him. suggest Rumors began to spread that he was killed by Demetrius, the patron saint of the besieged town.
Done.
- A version of these stories names one Manastras as the murderer. if it claims a whole different killer, then it must be a different version; also suggest changing "murderer" to "killer", if Manastras was a war enemy then killer works better because it doesn't carry the same tone of illegality/underhandedness as murderer. Overall, suggest Another version of this story names one Manastras as the killer.
Alternative solution: Manastras was allegedly persuaded to kill the tsar by the saint.
- most probably in cooperation with Kaloyan's wife suggest most likely in cooperation with Kaloyan's wife, Kumankata
Done.
Disintegration
[edit]- Boril married Kaloyan's widow either to strengthen his claim to the throne, suggest Boril married Kumankata, either to strengthen his claim to the throne,
Undone. Kumankata is not her name (as per above). Her name is unknown.
- Ivan Asen's minor son and namesake suggest Ivan Asen's young son of the same name
Alternative solution: "underage son" (that he was a minor is important in the context)
- A third relative, Alexius Slav, took possession of the region of his castle at Tsepina in the Rhodope Mountains. lede seems to state that Alexius Slav took control of the entirety, or at least majority, of the Rhodope Mountains region. The text here states had control of the castle, which was merely in the Rhodope Mountains region. If he indeed only had control of the castle and surrounding regions, correct the lede to clarify this; if, as I assume, he actually wielded control over the mountain regions, suggest A third relative, Alexius Slav, took possession of the region of the Rhodope Mountains, which surrounded his castle at Tsepina.
Done.
War with the Latins
[edit]- The Greek noblemen of eastern Thrace had risen up already and sought assistance from the Latin Empire during the reign of Kaloya. Boril left for Thrace to reconquer the region in May 1208. suggest In the reign of Kaloyan, the Greek noblemen of eastern Thrace had risen up against the Bulgarian Empire, seeking assistance from the Latin Empire; this rebellion would continue against Boril, who left for Thrace to reconquer the region in May 1208
Done.
- The Latins captured Plovdiv and Alexius Slav paid homage to Henry suggest The Latins captured Plovdiv, and forced Alexius Slav to pay homage to Henry
Alternative solution: he was not forced, but he paid homage voluntarily.
- Stefan Nemanjić broke into Macedonia and occupied the land between the Struma and Vardar rivers. suggest changing broke into to invaded
Done.
- The Greek burghers of Serres in the Kingdom of Thessalonica suggest linking burghers to Burgher (title), and explaining their role/significance here.
Alternative solution: "Greeks"
- Henry intervened and made his own supporter the ruler of Serres. suggest However, Henry intervened and made his own supporter the ruler of Serres. would also include the name of "his own supporter" if possible.
Alternative solution: Henry suppressed the Greeks' revolt.
- early 1211 would link this to Synod of 1211 or something similar; as mentioned above.
Done.
- Catholic calendar. would link Catholic to Catholic Church, and calendar to General Roman Calendar
Alternative solution: both linked to the General Roman Calendar.
- who had made peace with the Latins, broke into his realm. suggest changing broke into to invaded
Done.
- with the assistance of Alexius Slav. Alexius Slav also captured Melnik. suggest with the assistance of Alexius Slav, who had also captured Melnik.
Alternative solution: avoiding the repetitions of "who".
Uprising
[edit]- Suggest re-introducing Fine as John Fine, because it has been a while since the reader has heard of him, and its a common word in English.
Done.
- Boril was unable to suppress the rebellion without external assistance. He turned to Andrew II of Hungary, reminding him of "their reliable friendship" suggest Boril was unable to suppress the rebellion without external assistance, turning to Andrew II of Hungary, reminding him of "their reliable friendship"
Done.
- then captured Vidin and handed it over to Boril suggest changing handed it over to returned it
Done.
Reconciliation
[edit]- Boril had already realised that he would be unable to regain the Thracian territories lost to the Latin Empire.[29] However, Henry wanted to resume the war against Theodore I Laskaris, to put an end to his conflict with Bulgaria. sort of confusing, but the gist I am understanding is that Boril accepted he wouldn't be able to regain Thrace, and Henry wanted to end the conflict in order to war against Theodore I? If so I'd suggest Boril desired peace because had already realised that he would be unable to regain the Thracian territories lost to the Latin Empire, and Henry wanted peace with Bulgaria in order to resume his war against Empeeror Theodore I Laskaris.
Done.
- In early 1214, Boril proposed the hand of his daughter to Andrew II of Hungary's son and heir, Béla. suggest In early 1214, Boril offered the hand of his daughter, name in marriage to Béla, Andrew II's son and heir.
Done. (Clarified that her name is unknown.)
- Madgearu says he also renounced the lands that Andrew had claimed from Bulgaria (including Braničevo) suggest Madgearu says he also renounced his claim to the lands that Andrew had claimed from Bulgaria (including Braničevo)
Undone. Too much claims. :)
- Henry sent reinforcements to Boril who invaded Serbia and laid siege to Niš in 1214.[38] Strez also invaded Serbia from the south, but he was killed during the campaign.[38][39] Conflicts between Boril and the Latin troops prevented them from capturing the town.[38][40] bit convoluted, suggest Boril launched an invasion of Serbia, laying siege to Niš in 1214, aided by troops sent by Henry; at the same time, Strez invaded Serbia from the south, although he was killed during his campaign. Boril was unable to seize Niš however, due to conflicts between the Bulgarian and Latin troops (any information on why the conflict arised would also be helpful, if they are known.
Done.
Fall
[edit]- The Latin Emperor Henry died in July 1216; Andrew II left Hungary to lead a crusade to the Holy Land in 1217. Being deprived of his two principal allies, Boril's position weakened, which enabled his cousin, Ivan Asen, to return to Bulgaria. suggest Boril was deprived of his two principal allies by 1217, as Latin Emperor Henry died in July 1216, and Andrew II left Hungary to lead a crusade to the Holy Land in 1217; this position of weakness enabled his cousin, Ivan Asen, to invade Bulgaria.
Done.
- Boril was defeated and forced to withdraw to Tarnovo. The Byzantine historian, George Akropolites, stated that the siege lasted "for seven years", but he must have confused months for years, according to most historians. suggest Boril was beaten by Ivan Asen in battle, and forced to withdraw to Tarnovo, which Ivan's troops laid siege to. The Byzantine historian, George Akropolites, stated that the siege lasted "for seven years", however most modern historians believe that it was actually seven months.
Done.
- After Ivan Asen's troops entered the town, Boril tried to flee, but he was captured and blinded. in lede it states that this took place in 1208, suggest including this here if that can be verified; suggest After Ivan Asen's troops seized the town in 1208, Boril attempted to flee, but was captured and blinded.
Done.
- Is anything more known of his life?
Expanded. No further info. -- Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 18:33, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
Family
[edit]- Akropolites described Boril's first wife (the widow of his uncle) as a "Scythian" (or Cuman). suggest Akropolites described Boril's first wife, Kumankata, the widow of Kaloyan as a "Scythian" (more properly known as Cuman).
Undone. She was not called Kumankata (see above). "Cuman" is not more proper. Is Magyar more proper than Hungarian in English?
- Boril's marriage to her violated canon law, but the Church did not protest against it. suggest mentioning why it violated canon law (presumably due to the marriage to the widow of a relative, per Old Testament laws on such), and change "the Church" to either "the state church" or "the Bulgarian church".
Done.
- but the marriage never took place. suggest but the marriage never took place, due to the deposition of Boril.
Done.
- @Borsoka: That is all my suggestions. A very nice article, very little of it has issues so much as could be phrased better. Enjoyed the read; if you'd like me to review further articles in future I would be happy to. Once the issue of the Madgearu dating and Barbolova, Zoya" and "George Akropolite" citation templates are done I can pass the article. -- Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 18:40, 11 April 2020 (UTC)