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GOCE copyedit request

[edit]
  • (Bengali: বহিপীর, romanized: Bahipīra, lit. 'Pir of or from the books') I would say pick one: either use "of" or "from". Which one makes more sense? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 02:59, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Then, from will be more sufficient. There are more details in the second paragraph of "Background" section. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Reduced to "from". —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Before being published, Bohipir was awarded in an international conference of PEN Club in Dhaka in 1955. Already edited. Is there an adjective to describe something from Dhaka (maybe "Dhakan")? I can't find any adjective for it on Wiktionary. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 02:59, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
We do not use (at least I never saw) any adjective form for referal of Dhaka. The adjective form "Dhakaiya" unofficially refers to the native "Kutti" people but not the city. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Retained original word order but added "the" before "PEN Club". —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The assuming meaning (as like the use in native Bengali) is the "rule" of Zamindars (landlords) over their lands. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Removed "zamindari". Could be re-inserted if it is explained (or linked to Wiktionary). —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • The name Bohipir (Pirs of or from Bahi or books) is thus successful to upbold the outspread of pirism from the religious interpretations and masael (explanations) to the mentality of common people. Again, pick either "of" or "from" here. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 02:59, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
from seems more appropriate. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Using "from". —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
May be, author indicated the both. Inspite of being rootless (as narrated by the critics), common people used to sacrifice (to marry of) their daughters in search of "Neki or piety"! AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Sounds like "Pirist superstitions", so I've used that instead. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Then it may not reflect how his speech is lifeless. There must be an explanation for the readers. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. I've removed the explanatory footnote as it just reiterates the lead of the wikilinked article. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
May be not important to understand his character. Coincidentally Sylhet region is called the source-land of Islam in Bengal. (See Conquest of Sylhet and Shah Jalal's Shrine) However, it is nothing but a coincidence. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Removing it. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
They fleed to start a new life together. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Just going to say "start a new life together". —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
ক্ষয়িষ্ণু as he was gradually losing his lands as per the Suryasta Ain (Revenue Sale Law). More details about the law - on Banglapedia. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Explicitly mention gradual loss of land. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Spelling mistake. See comments above. :') AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Fixed. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Bohipir offered to give Hatem Ali money to save his Jamindari only if Ali hands over Tahera. Refusal of this proposal is described as 'Humanity' in the textbook. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Described in terms of the play. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
His role is unclear but described as the সহকারী. But he is only seen to fulfil Bohipir's order. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Left as is. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Just in general. But it can be identified through the movement of Begum Rokeya. However, there is no other "Bengali Muslim Women Uprising" in the history. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Sounds more like "empowerment". —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
বিবেক means conscience as it was used to describe the tendency of local people to sacrifice their daughters in the textbook (in Bengali). AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
question mark Suggestion: It's not something that would be said in English. Looking at the page supplied, an alternate translation is "judgment" (I assume in the sense of "making decisions"). Would that be more accurate? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Judgement" is OK. AdiBhai (talk) 07:53, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 21:31, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
As per narrated as সামাজিক কুসংস্কার. May be because it engulfed the whole Muslim Society regardless of rich and poor. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
question mark Suggestion: কুসংস্কার also appears to be translated as "prejudice". Putting the terms together it seems like it could mean "social prejudice". Would it make more sense that people in a society had already-formed ideas about other people without meeting them? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
It makes the equal sense that I meant to. AdiBhai (talk) 07:53, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Changed to "prejudice". —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 21:31, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Already 65 years old and married to Tahera! AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Question: How is his age important to the story? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Tahera fleed only because she didn't like to marry a 65-years old man. The marriage was called unjust [in the play] for the difference in their age. AdiBhai (talk) 07:53, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. If it's just the age difference that's an issue, I'll just say "elderly". —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 21:31, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
May be the main protagonist. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. I'll say she is "one of the two protagonists". —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Comment: According to the script in the textbook, the events flow centering Tahera. AdiBhai (talk) 07:53, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Refactoring text so that she is the protagonist and removing that mention from Hashem. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 21:31, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The word "Neki" (নেকি) is used in the play. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Question: Is it the Bengali word for thawab? If so this is where an explanatory footnote should go. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
In Bengali, "Thawab" is "Sawab" or "Sowab" (see Thawab#Pronunciation for India and Pakistan). AdiBhai (talk) 07:53, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. As an uninformed reader I wouldn't be able to make the connection between nēkiand thawab. I've removed it as her parents' motivations don't appear to be too important in the overall sense of the story. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 21:31, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Syed Waliullah has been credited for upholding social stigma, inconsistency and socio-religious superstitions in literature such as Lalsalu and Bohipir. "Upholding" means to support and encourage. Perhaps you meant "critique"? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 02:59, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Syed Waliullah "included" the superstitions in the Muslim community as his subject of writing. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
question mark Suggestion: Okay, but right now using the word "upholding" makes it sound like he supports social stigma and superstitions. Perhaps "discussing" would be better? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
May be, but not sure. I have a very little knowledge about right uses of words. This article about Lalsalu may help you understand his pattern of writing (though it is a blogsite). AdiBhai (talk)
 Done. Changed to "discussing". —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 21:31, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the drama, she is an inflexible and humanitarian character who is considered an indication to the women's rights and awakening of early 20th century. Not really a copy edit issue, but this source seems unreliable and this sentence should probably be removed as it sounds like interpretation from elsewhere. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 02:59, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Interpretation?! Can you please explain? It was added from the Madhyomik Bangla Sohopath (or simply to say the textbook I mentioned above). AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I can't speak to the reliability of the textbook, but at this point it strays from what happens in the play and makes an interpretation of her character. I strongly suggest that the author be explicitly mentioned in the text to make it clear to readers that this is an opinion from someone who analysed the play lest it be accused of being original research. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
These descriptions are not from the author's (Syed Waliullah) own perception. They are from the critical discussion at the beginning or introductory part compiled by the specialist panel of NCTB including Dr. Soumitra Shekhar and Dr. Rafiqullah Khan and edited by Professor Abdullah Abu Sayeed and Professor Mahbubul Haque. AdiBhai (talk) 07:53, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I should clarify; I am not talking about Waliullah, but the authors that were on the panel. Literature can be analysed many ways (and there is no one "correct" analysis that exists), so the analysts from the panel should be mentioned directly in the text to make it abundantly clear it is their interpretation of the character. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 21:31, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Explicitly attributed to the NCTB. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:26, 8 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Madhyomik Bangla Sohopath. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Partly done. Added, but I strongly suggest that the textbook or its author be explicitly mentioned in the text. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
It is also from the introductory part mentioned above. AdiBhai (talk) 07:53, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Explicitly attributed to the NCTB. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:26, 8 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Looking forward to hearing your responses. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 02:59, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Tenryuu: Answers to your questions are given above. AdiBhai (talk) 04:29, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Meghmollar2017: Addressed all the points, some need further input. As I've mentioned up in a few, I strongly suggest mentioning the textbook or its author in the text as right now its interpretations of the play and its characters are being presented as fact. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 01:23, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Tenryuu: I tried as much as I could. The source from the textbook is actually the critical discussion compiled and edited by the Editorial panel of NCTB. AdiBhai (talk) 07:53, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Meghmollar2017: Cleaned up a bit more. As I don't have access to the textbook, I don't know exactly what the panel is called. I would suggest describing who was on the panel (listing their names out in parentheses after mentioning the panel should be fine) at the beginning of first sentence, then mention the panel again in the second instance of interpretation. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 21:31, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Tenryuu: I also don't know how the panel is officially referred to. It doesn't clarify about the main critics or a particular writter writing that part of the textbook. It also doesn't cite any source. Is "According to the textbook by NCTB" Okay? AdiBhai (talk) 02:49, 7 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Meghmollar2017, just "NCTB states" should work (though you should explain what NCTB stands for). —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 04:35, 8 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Tenryuu: NCTB stands for National Curriculum and Textbook Board. AdiBhai (talk) 04:45, 8 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Meghmollar2017: Alright, I think that's everything on my end. Let me know if there's anything you want me to take a look at before I consider the request completed. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:26, 8 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Tenryuu: Cordial thanks to you for the copyediting. It looks awesome. But still I found two more issues to be solved. Firstly, it was not "Dhaka PEN Club" that awarded the prize. The texts in Bengali can be simply translated as "awarded in a conference held in Dhaka". Secondly, The first sentence in the Background section needs to have an attention. The play was written in the 1950's but the storyline goes back in the early 20th century. That's it. I found no other problem. Really, it was a great job. Thanks again. :) AdiBhai (talk) 05:43, 8 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Meghmollar2017, I fixed those up. How does that look? —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 05:51, 8 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Tenryuu: It looks impressive. Thanks for your remarkable work. AdiBhai (talk) 05:59, 8 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Meghmollar2017, in that case I will mark the request as done on WP:GOCE/REQ. Take care! —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 06:29, 8 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Tenryuu: Sure. You may proceed. AdiBhai (talk) 06:31, 8 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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