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Talk:Bixby's Back/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Matthew RD 02:28, 28 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, I shall be conducting the review. -- Matthew RD 02:28, 28 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Here's how the article fares against the GA criteria:

  1. Well written: A bit too many issues for an article that is quite small, notes to improve them are below
  2. Factually accurate and verifiable: See notes below
  3. Broad in coverage: Passed
  4. Neutral: Passed
  5. Stable: No sign of edit wars, Passed
  6. Images: A free image used, checks out fine, Passed

Comments

[edit]

Lead:

  • "The episode was written and directed by Danny Zucker and Chris Koch, respectively." I think it would be better to just say "The episode was written by Danny Zucker, and directed by Chris Kock." -- Matthew RD 22:34, 28 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In the episode, Claire (Julie Bowen) and Phil (Ty Burrell) decide to reprise their role-playing adventure from the previous year," I would like My Funky Valentine linked somewhere, since in a way it is a continuation of the episode. Howabout try "In the episode, Claire (Julie Bowen) and Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell) decide to reprise their role-playing adventure from the previous Valentine's Day episode, "My Funky Valentine","
  • Link Role-playing.
  • Replace semi-colons with commas; "In the episode, Claire (Julie Bowen) and Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell) decide to reprise their role-playing adventure from the previous Valentine's Day episode, "My Funky Valentine", Jay's (Ed O'Neill) elaborate Valentine's surprise for Gloria (Sofia Vergara) keeps getting held up, while an admirer comes between Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) and Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson)."
  • I think it would also be best to mention last names, like Claire and Phil Dunphy, Jay Pritchett's elaborate Valetnine's surprise for his wife Gloria, and Mitchell Pritchett and Cameron Tucker.
  • Then it would be best to unlink "My Funky Valentine" in the next paragraph.
  • "tying for being the highest rated episode of the series" replace with "trying the spot for highest rated episode of the series".

Plot:

  • "Julianna ." Close the gap please.
  • "While watching Claire walk away, Phil takes the wrong room key. He goes to another woman's room, undresses, scatters flowers all over the room, and opens a bottle of champagne" let's try "While watching Claire walk way, Phil takes the wrong room key beloning to an older woman. He enters the wrong wrong, undresses, scatters flowers all over the room, and opens a bottle of champagne."
  • In the second paragrpah, remove "In another storyline" with "Meanwhile".
  • "Lastly, there is another storyline between Gloria (Sofia Vergara) and Jay Pritchett (Ed O'Neil). Jay planned out a perfect surprising Valentine party for Gloria." Replace with "Lastly, Jay (Ed O'Neill) plans out a perfect surprising Valentine's party for Gloria (Sofia Vergara)."
  • Replace "hadn't" with "had not"
  • "so now Jay and Gloria can leave again". Replace "now" with "that"
  • "When the two finally go into the house, the house is empty." Replace with "However, Ed is exasperated to find the house empty." or "stunned" or "shocked", I feel the word "exasperated" gives it a more smarter feel.

Production:

  • Almost all sentences start with "The episode", try a little variety, like start some with "It", or the title of the episode.
  • "This episode of Modern Family was filmed on January 5,[6] and January 17, 2011.[7]" Wouldn't it be better to says it took place between those two dates? Like ""Bixby's Back" was filmed between January 5,[6] and January 17, 2011.[7]"?

Reception:

  • "The episode became the highest rated episode of the series tying with "The Old Wagon" and "Halloween"." Add a comma between "series" and "tying".
  • "and that the writers didn't have a "great idea"". MOS rules, "didn't" to "did not"; don't add apostrophies if it isn't quoted.
  • Unlinks "My Funky Valentine" in the reviews section, per WP:OVERLINK.

References:

  • All of them seem reliable, however when it comes to naming the work, you kind of provided a mix. For instance, TV Guide also went by TVGuide.com, TV by the Numbers went by TVbythenumbers.zap2it.com and TVbythenumbers. Also, some of those are listed as a work, and some its listed as a publisher, it's best to keep them all as works.

There is quite a bit of work to be done here, so I'll place it on hold for seven days. Good luck. -- Matthew RD 22:34, 28 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I believe I have done everything on your list, you may recheck the articleNoD'ohnuts (talk) 23:03, 28 March 2011 (UTC)NoD'ohnuts[reply]

Unfortunately, you haven't, you done most of them, which I struck out. All you need to do now is sort out those that aren't struck out. -- Matthew RD 23:54, 28 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I have finished most, but I do not quite understand the last sentence with the publisher and work thing NoD'ohnuts (talk) 01:18, 30 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

For the last note, what I meant was keep it uniform (the work and publishers all the same). I just did the edit myself here, so you could probably know what I mean. Other than that, I see everything else was sorted out, so I'm going to pass this. -- Matthew RD 16:47, 30 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
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