Talk:Battle of Mursa Major/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 01:32, 16 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:32, 16 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

No DABs, external links OK
No coins of either leader or anything else to illustrate the battle? A map, even one showing the area that the battle took place in, would be very helpful.
Tell the reader that Constantinus II was the Roman Emperor rather than forcing them to click on the link.
Constantine wished for his sons to rule in a tripartite after him, the military brought about a massacre of Constantinian family members. Passive voice. "The military massacred", not "brought about". Explain why they did this. Did the partitioning of the Empire after the massacre differ from the pre-massacre areas of responsibility of each of the sons?
The mismanagement obviously took time, so move In 350 right after "of the west"
What are the Julian passes? Be sure to add links.
Who is Nepotianus?
He placed Mursa, located near Via Militaris in the province of Pannonia,[1] under siege with 36,000 men Passive voice. He besieged Mursa, ...
Link Croatia, Mursa, Drava River (be sure to capitalize river), phalanx
More passive voice: Constantius' army, which included armoured cavalry and mounted archers, numbering nearly 80,000, formed so far as to outflank Magnentius' right flank Try "Constantius's army, numbered nearly 80,000 men, including armoured cavalry and mounted archers. It was so much larger than Magnentius's army that it outflanked the latter's right flank" or somesuch.
Is there any info on the size or composition of Magnentius's army?
Go through the rest of the article and turn your passive voice in an active one. Things just don't happen, people act or and do things. Let me know when you've done that and I'll continue the review.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 18:43, 22 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Hello Kansas just a little reminder but this one is still open for already two weeks. Cheers. CPA-5 (talk) 21:09, 6 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Wow. Sorry I had completely forgotten about this. Not sure when I can do any fixes. Chances are I will not be near a computer this weekend. It might be prudent to close this as a failed and I can work on it later. --Kansas Bear (talk) 21:13, 6 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

OK, ping me once you've addressed the issues that I've pointed out and I'll review it for you again.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 22:14, 6 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]