Talk:Battle of Jackson/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 14:26, 24 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Intend to review. Ping if I forget. Cheers, Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 14:26, 24 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

What's the thinking about 'Campaign' vs. 'campaign' this week? I note that our article is at Vicksburg campaign
- lowercase is the norm as far as I'm aware. I've edited the first sentence of the lead and the heading of the campaignbox to reflect this.
"Grant decided to move south of the city on the opposite side of the river, and then cross south of Vicksburg" I think one of these 'south's is redundant
- Agree. Rephrased, but the new version is still a little awkward
"would have been expected" by whom? Presumably not longer than the confederates themselves expected?
- That was a bit of editorializing, so I've rephrased it to "prolong the battle"
"bloodied men, although additional reinforcements were expected" I don't think it's clear what 'bloodied' here is intended to mean. Perhaps "recently defeated" is more explicit?
- Rephrased. I was introduced to the ACW by popular history writers like Bruce Catton, so it's sometimes a struggle for me to avoid more florid popular history phrasing.
The sentence beginning "Johnston decided that Jackson" doesn't seem to flow very well, imo. Could you take a stab at rephrasing?
- I've cleaned up part of it, does that help?
"Johnston sent Pemberton a misleading message" any idea why? was it intentionally misleading?
- I've added some more detail on this.
"Brigadier General W. H. T. Walker and Colonel Peyton Colquitt " suggest making clear at the outset of the sentence that they are confederates.
- Done
"Sherman's advance met less resistance. Only small amount of artillery fire resisted his advance, " perhaps replace one of the two variations of "resist" in such close succession?
- Done
I think linking African American is overlinking
- Links removed
"In addition to the seven cannons capture by " tense?
- Fixed typo
"destroyed infrastructure in the city. Factories, warehouses, and other military and economic sites were destroyed" could we find a way to not use 'destroy' in such close succession?
- Done
"For a time, Grant had is "?
- Corrected to "his"
"Estimates of casualties suffered in the battle vary somewhat. " you could lose the 'somewhat' and not lose anything, I think.
- Removed
"as does the National Park Service. " The NPS has the same estimate of confederate casualties, or those of both sides?
- Both. Clarified
"with 46,00 men to follow " tyop?
- Yes. Corrected
Sources are reliable
Images are appropriately licensed
some minor suggestions. Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 16:10, 28 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- @Eddie891: - Thanks for a thorough review, as always. I'm just a naturally bad copy editor, which results in obvious errors like "46,00" sneaking in. Hog Farm _Talk 05:19, 1 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]