Talk:Battle of Ekiokpagha/GA2

GA Review

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Nominator: Vanderwaalforces (talk · contribs) 13:45, 13 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Parsecboy (talk · contribs) 13:55, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

This has been sitting for quite a while, so I'll pick it up. Parsecboy (talk) 13:55, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Parsecboy Thank you for looking at this. I'd be happy to work with your guidance. Thanks again. Vanderwaalforces (talk) 15:11, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

No problem at all - let me know if there's anything I can make clearer. Parsecboy (talk) 15:12, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The battle was between Ewedo and Ogiamien III, the head of a royal family in the Benin Empire. It was a result of a power struggle between the two parties, who both had claims to the throne and territory of Benin. - this could be worded better. At a minimum, Ewedo should also be introduced in the text, so we don't force readers to click a link to see who he was. I would center the fact that the war was over a succession crisis, along the lines of "The battle was fought between Ewedo, the recently coronated Oba of Benin, and Ogiamien III, the head of a royal family in the Benin Empire who disputed his claim to the throne."
- I clarified this based on your recommendation. We now have The battle was fought between Ewedo, the recently coronated Oba of Benin, and Ogiamien III, the head of a royal family in the Benin Empire who disputed his claim to the throne.--Vanderwaalforces (talk) 15:57, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The link to Oba of Benin needs to be at first use of the term Oba
- Done --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 15:57, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

This section is somewhat difficult to follow for someone who doesn't know about the topic - there's probably more context needed
- I clarified this section now. You might want to give another read and tell me what you think. For example, I mentioned who Evian was, and made the first paragraph a lot better. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 16:51, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Context here is still an issue. For example:
- Ubi is introduced without any explanation as to who (or even what) he was
  - Ubi was the eldest son of Ogiamien. I added this now. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 17:22, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
- " in entering the city" - what city?
  - The city was Benin City. I added this now. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 17:22, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
- "the Edo people" - who are the Edo people? Why do we care about them?
  - The Edo people was supposed to be wikilinked, I did that now and also added that they're the indigenous people of the Benin Empire. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 17:22, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
- "he creation of the proverbial phrase" - what is this?
  - I added the exact proverbian phrase now. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 17:22, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Where is the description of the actual battle? This section is mostly about preparations for the battle and then its aftermath
- @Parsecboy: Okay, if you read this section you'd see that Ewedo's men "prematurely" eliminated Ogiamien's Oliha. There was not really an actual battle as the word imply. But this event is mostly notable because it was a battle that ended up not being a fight (this is in my opinion after researching the history of it too). This is particularly described in the third and fourth paragraphs. I hope this clarified it for you. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 17:22, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The treaty information needs to come first, before you talk about longer-term effects
- @Parsecboy: don't you think I should make the Treaty subsection a section of its own? --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 16:53, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

There are some grammatical issues throughout (particularly relating to definite articles), such as "contested the Eweka's", "including Ewedo, and Ogiamien family", "with the Ogiamien formally", etc.
- I would appreciate specific things I should do, as I do not quite understand the query. --Vanderwaalforces (talk) 17:24, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]