Talk:Ayrton Senna/GA2

GA Review

Failed. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 14:29, 17 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Zwerg Nase (talk · contribs) 11:37, 22 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Will fill in my comments later. Zwerg Nase (talk) 11:37, 22 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Some quick thoughts before the full review:

Photo from 1984 Nürburgring race should be where the it is mentioned in the prose.
Legacy: "This was prior to the release of the BAFTA Award winning documentary named after him, Senna, directed by Asif Kapadia. In this documentary broadcast only once by the BBC, Senna is named the number one driver ever, by fellow racing drivers. A StudioCanal, Working Title Films, and Midfield Films documentary production, Senna was released to critical acclaim."
- 1) dead link for the source, needs an archive link.
- 2) It is unclear to me if the Top Gear piece was only broadcast once or the documentary. Wasn't the documentary released in cinemas? Needs to be clearer.
Legacy: Missing the information that Williams removed the Senna logo in 2022 (Source).

Zwerg Nase (talk) 16:55, 22 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Zwerg Nase Do you still have time to finish this review? I can help you if needed! Oltrepier (talk) 16:40, 19 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Oltrepier: Sorry for the long delay, real life interfered :( If you want to help, feel free to, I will try to get to it over the course of the week :) Zwerg Nase (talk) 07:23, 28 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Zwerg Nase No worries at all!

I didn't want to "steal" your review, so I just followed your suggestions and made a few fixes accordingly. I hope they can help bring the article closer to GA status: Ayrton definitely deserves it. : ) Oltrepier (talk) 14:00, 29 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Review

General

Several sourcing problems:
- Archive links are given in two different formats (some have the "the original" linked, some have "archived" linked), this should ideally be consistent.
- I would also advise to use the "trans-title" parameter for Portuguese (and other non-English) sources.
- Page numbers missing for book sources. Also, I would strongly suggest using Template:Sfn for all of those and linking those to the bibliography section (see below).
- There is no bibliography or further reading sections, both should be added.
Dashes are not used consistently, sometimes en-dashes, sometimes em-dashes. ("– we could see it from the tyre marks –" as opposed to "—third at the British and Portuguese Grands Prix—"; and then there's "— which took place one day after Brazil was eliminated from the 1986 FIFA World Cup by France⁠ —" making it the third different variant due to spaces next to the em-dashes)

Lead

I don't think the mention of Williams in the first paragraph is necessary, none of his other teams are mentioned there.
Would suggest a comma after "winning five races".
Summarizing his legacy on the sport would be a good addition to the lead.

Early life and career

Considering the source is not the best anyway, the information about him being left-handed could just be taken out.
"Overall, his grades amounted up to 68%." - I do not consider this relevant, also difficult to pinpoint how good or bad that is, so better leave it out.
"Ayrton Senna – The Right to Win (2004)" - what kind of source is that? A film? Please use the appropriate templates to add all the relevant information-
"before retiring after colliding with a rival" - rephrase needed, the two contradicting prepositions right after one another read weirdly.
Citation needed after "Van Diemen team".
"As da Silva is the most common Brazilian surname, he adopted his mother's maiden name, Senna." - it sounds like he decided to change the name under which he competed, but I seem to recall that he was named Senna already during the Karting WC, from what I remember from the Senna movie. So maybe this information is in the wrong place? Also, as far as I know, Portuguese just as Spanish has both parents names in the surnames of the child, if that is the case, then "adopting" is also the wrong term to use. (For instance, the article Portuguese name says "Usually, the maternal surnames precede the paternal ones, but the opposite is also possible.", meaning that Senna was probably always his first surname).
"Ayrton Senna'sportscar cameo" - missing space in the source title.

Formula One career

See citation needed marked in first paragraph.
"and certainly on his own terms" - I don't know what this adds to the article, it's also complete conjecture.
I feel like the 1984 Monaco Grand Prix can need some more sources, there are certainly plenty out there.
"Stefan Bellof was catching both at the same rate" - since Senna was faster than Prost, Bellof can hardly have been catching both at the same rate. Rephrasing necessary.
Put the source for the Symonds interview after the quotation.
Source needed for Chapman statement.
There needs to be consistency on how "Formula 1/One" is written out, both are present in the article.
Portugal 1985:
- Why is the source behind "Alboreto" and not behind "Tambay"?
- The Grand Slam also includes leading every lap, which is not mentioned.
- Grand Slam (Formula One) should be wikilinked here.
Wikilink the 1985 French GP.
(His determination to take pole at the Monaco Grand Prix had infuriated Alboreto and Niki Lauda; Senna had set a fast time early and was accused of deliberately baulking the other drivers by running more laps than necessary, a charge he rejected, though the accusations continued in Canada when drivers accused him of running on the racing line when on his slow down lap forcing others on qualifiers to move off line and lose time). - If the sentence is this long, then it does not belong in parantheses.
JPS is wikilinked twice.
add a colon after "admitted".
Detroit 1986: I cannot find the information about this being the first time he picked up the flag or the reference to the cursing in the source given.

More to come later. Zwerg Nase (talk) 12:46, 19 April 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Patient Zero and Zwerg Nase, any status on this review? No activity pushing a month, no edits by the nominator to the review, article has a number of maintenance tags, etc. I'm tempted to close the nomination as a fail. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 01:05, 14 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Gonzo fan2007: Indeed, I am afraid I will have to fail this review since no reaction has come to my review so far. Zwerg Nase (talk) 14:21, 15 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Zwerg Nase, I think that is best. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 14:39, 15 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Gonzo_fan2007 and Zwerg Nase: I must admit I lost track of this nomination; I am sorry for not responding sooner. I would be more than happy for you to assess the GA and I will happily work towards fixing the issues you have found. Patient Zero^talk 22:11, 16 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Pinging Oltrepier too as they took an interest! Patient Zero^talk 22:12, 16 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Patient Zero and Zwerg Nase: I'd be more than happy to take over the review! Gonzo_fan2007 Would I have to start from scratch and create a new page? Oltrepier (talk) 08:26, 17 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Oltrepier: Yes, I am afraid a new review is needed. Zwerg Nase (talk) 11:20, 17 May 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.