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Talk:All of My Friends Were There/GA1

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GA Review

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to the review.</includeonly>

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 10:28, 3 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]


Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()
3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

This is going to be reviewed by me today! --K. Peake 10:28, 3 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

[edit]
  • Since the actual recording month is not known, change to merely 1968 in the infobox
  • But it's known that it's either July or October.
  • Pye is linked both in the studio and label parameters leading to the exact same article, so only keep one
  • One goes to Pye Studios and the other to Pye Records. The former redirects to the latter because there isn't an article for it, but there could be someday, so I think that means they both ought to be kept.
  • Done.
  • The second sentence should be written/sung and recorded period
  • Done.
  • "concert where Davies fell" → "concert during which Davies fell"
  • Done.
  • Make the third sentence the one about the musical style, then the lyrical content in another sentence or more
  • Done.
  • "The recording features" → "The song features"
  • In the reword, is "Its" fine? I just want to avoid the repetition ("the song ... the song ... the song ...).
  • "while its style indicated" → "while its style showcased"
  • Done.

Background and composition

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  • Quote box looks good!
  • "was further inspired by" → "was also inspired by"
  • Done.
  • "from Davies's time spent" → "from his time spent"
  • Done.
  • Swap the second and third paras for the correct comp order
  • Done.
  • I don't think "In writing" is really appropriate at the start of the para; maybe try something like when writing or through the writing of?
  • Changed to the former.
  • "all of his friends there" → "all of them there" to be less repetitive
  • Done.
  • "describes the ending" → "describes the ending as"
  • Done.
  • "sense of companionship."" → "sense of companionship"." per MOS:QUOTE
  • Done.
  • Done.
  • Done.
  • Shouldn't you use the plural of lead vocal instead for Davies?
  • I'm not sure what the convention is in British English. I see the FA Sgt. Pepper uses both.
  • Wouldn't it be better to reword to mentioning something about the pitch instead of writing intonation?
  • The source (Rogan 2015) says "posh intonation", but doesn't mention the pitch. I've changed it to "posh tone".
  • "closes the song awkwardly and" → "is an awkward closer and"
  • What's wrong with the original wording?

Recording and release

[edit]
  • Quote box looks good!
  • "to expand its track listing to fifteen," → "to expand it to fifteen tracks,"
  • Done.
  • "though it possibly dated" → "though the song is possibly dated"
  • Done.
  • Remove the word magazine after The Village Voice
  • Done.
  • "He suggests the song displays" → "He suggested the song demonstrates"
  • Done.
  • "song", calling it" → "song", calling the song"
  • Done.
  • "of the band's next" → "of the band's succeeding"
  • Done.
  • "instead thinks the song" → "instead considers the song"
  • Done.
  • Done.

Notes

[edit]
  • Hinman updated his dating to → Hinman updated his date to
  • Done.

References

[edit]
  • Copyvio score looks great at 29.6%!!!
  • Solely cite the publisher for ref 26
  • Done.

Sources

[edit]

Final comments and verdict

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  • Tkbrett About the recording date in the infobox, simply change to 1968 because that is the know year and or for either month is not a good idea and the awkwardly part needs rewording to avoid overusage of the song. --K. Peake 07:38, 4 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]
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