Talk:Akitoshi Kawazu/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Vaticidalprophet (talk · contribs) 10:32, 17 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written. a (prose, spelling, and grammar): See below. b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): No issues. It is factually accurate and verifiable. a (references): No issues. b (citations to reliable sources): Sources that were spot-checked supported their claims. Extensive use of print and non-English sources; some level of AGF for inaccessibility of the former and translation of the latter. c (OR): No issues. d (copyvio and plagiarism): No issues. Highest Earwig percent is 9.1%; analysis is just picking up in game titles. It is broad in its coverage. a (major aspects): A biography of appropriate scope. b (focused): No issues. It follows the neutral point of view policy. Fair representation without bias: No issues. It is stable. No edit wars, etc.: No issues. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate. a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): One image, licensed BY-SA 2.0. b (appropriate use with suitable captions): The photo is a bit awkward-looking, but that's just how our image policy goes. I was unable to find any higher-quality free images.
Overall: Pass:
· · ·

Putting this and my other current review on 2O because I am clearly somewhere between grudgingly tolerated and actively unwanted on Wikipedia, and I should at least clear my head a bit and drop current obligations. I'm further into this review than the other, so notes to whoever picks this up: I was about to start an in-depth prose review, because a fair amount of the lead in particular caught my eye as wanting copyediting, but otherwise didn't have severe qualms with the article. Vaticidalprophet 10:21, 27 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]

This review kind of... didn't, and I have no idea why Vaticidalprophet thinks anyone is against them, so I'll pick this up and review.

Kawazu has stated that he was invited into the job by a school friend. - beats around the bush: "Kawazu was invited into the job by a school friend." Could also merge it with the preceding sentence.
During his time with the magazine, he gained exposure to the industry and its products, originally writing reviews for various products - kind of awkward ("for various products"); could be rewritten more straightforwardly as "He started out writing product reviews, and during his time with the magazine he gained exposure to games and the video games industry."
Despite the odds being against him, he applied for a job there. - tone; better as "Despite his lack of video game development experience, he applied for a job there."
he was asked by Sakaguchi to make the company's new role-playing game (RPG) project Final Fantasy - "help make" or "work on", surely
for the Game Boy, Square president Masafumi Miyamoto wanted to make their own version of it - could clarify as "their own version of it for the console", since they made an RPG but they did make it for the Game Boy
following his resignation - confused me for a second, maybe clarify "resignation from the board"
He would take over as executive producer of Final Fantasy XII in 2005 release after Yasumi Matsuno withdrew - "In 2005 he took over as executive producer of Final Fantasy XII after Yasumi Matsuno withdrew"
"Career" stops after It's New Frontier (2009), but his credits not only say that was 2011 but then has 4 SaGa games that the text doesn't explicitly say he worked on (though maybe he didn't work on re:universe?)
Following the troubled production of Legend of Mana, where he took on a supervisory role in keeping the project from cancellation, Kawazu decided that his main talent lay as a producer overseeing projects. - this feels like it would be better in "Career", where it would also have context of when it happened relative to other games he worked on. --Pres N 16:05, 20 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Hey, PresN, thanks for picking this up. I dropped it during a very difficult period, and didn't pick it back up partially because reviews are difficult for me at the best of times (I'm more writer than critic) and partially because...well, I forgot. I'm deeply thankful you could get back to this. Vaticidalprophet 16:13, 20 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Vaticidalprophet: No worries, reviews are delayed for all sorts of reasons. --Pres N 19:15, 20 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@PresN: I hope I've addressed all the points you raised above. --ProtoDrake (talk) 17:44, 20 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Yep, made a slight wording tweak, and passing for GA. --Pres N 19:15, 20 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]