Talk:Aisha Sabatini Sloan

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Untitled

Feedback

You did a good job with including Sloan’s professional life section. However, you should include a separate section for background and personal life. You should describe what type of American she is, like is she African American or Asian American? The readers are likely curious about what type of American she is. About the top sentences of “She was born and raised in Los Angeles” and the sentences of Muhammad Ali, this should be in personal life section, and you should include personal life section.

The sentence “She credits the experience as the first exposure she knowingly had with Islam. Later, in high school, she received poor marks on a passionate paper written about the controversial figure Sally Mann. She went on to earn a Literature BA from Carleton College, a Cultural Studies and Studio Art MA from the Gallatin School of Individualized Study, and a Creative Nonfiction MFA from the University of Arizona” should be in a background section, and you should provide background sections.

I suggest you make different sections to make the readers easier to understand what each section is about.

There are two "was", and I removed one to avoid repetition. I also made minor edits. In professional life section, when you said “she teaches part-time at the University of Arizona to aloe ample time for her writing”, I am unsure what you meant “aloe ample time.”

Peer Review

I think your article is a great start! It is clear and simple as well as unbiased. One thing I would change is to expand about the piece about how she got poor marks in high school on her piece about Sally Mann. It seems like a random detail on its own, but could be expanded on to help us understand why that was important in her life and how it affected her writing style afterwards.

Lvh001 (talk) 00:26, 30 November 2017 (UTC)Lindsay Hake[reply]

Hi, we're doing a edit-a-thon focusing on art and feminism, we are really glad this page exists! I have a suggestion to think about removing the information about indigogo campaign under the "Professional Life" category, as it might help that section read more 'professionally'. Thank you so much for all your hard work! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Isanbrant (talk • contribs) 21:07, 23 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]