Talk:Adele Zay/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Dr. Blofeld (talk · contribs) 10:31, 11 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Lede

"Following her father's early death" -the body doesn't support it being "early". How did he die?

I meant early in her life, changed it to "Because of her father's death during her infancy". No idea how he died.

Done SusunW (talk) 14:35, 12 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Career

"Having been exposed to the women's movement in her studies abroad" - abroad? - be more specific if you can and when she went

The source says "Adele Zay traveled to Germany at a young age, where she attended girls' schools, training seminars for kindergarten teachers and nursery schools, asylums, infant schools and kindergartens. In this context, she came in contact with important representatives of the bourgeois-liberal women's movement..." Thus, I changed the text to say "during her studies in Germany over the previous decade". That's about as close as I can get, as we only know that she was in Vienna in 1875 and after that went to Gotha.

Done SusunW (talk) 14:35, 12 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

"At the National Exhibition for Infant Education hosted in 1889 in Budapest," - try "At the 1889 National Exhibition for Infant Education in Budapest"? Done SusunW (talk) 14:35, 12 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
"and by 1891 had transformed early education in Hungary." - a sweeping statement, could do with some elaboration with background info. Are there any statistics on this and what the nature of the changes were etc?

Source (Berger) says "From 1891, ... the course had 'officially in the ev. Kindergärtnerinnenbildungsanstalt [...], abbreviated ... KBA called [...] transformed' (Heltmann-Capesius 1934a, p. 5) education." I don't have access to the Heltmann-Capesius work, but Berger goes on to say that the government also changed early education requirements. Maybe it is better to say "by 1891 her work and changes in the government requirements had transformed early education in Hungary."

Done SusunW (talk) 15:05, 12 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

"Kindergarten" isn't linked in the first instance but is linked further down Done SusunW (talk) 15:05, 12 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]
". The social work done by these caretakers, who focused on teaching children their native language and customs, built bridges between rural families and towns, from which the caretakers predominantly came." -could do with a reword

Changed to "between rural families and the towns where the caretakers lived" SusunW (talk) 15:05, 12 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

"Zay made contact with international feminists." -any examples? Added two Done SusunW (talk) 15:05, 12 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Death

"at the Black Church " - where is it?

It's in Kronstadt (Brașov) where she died. Seems redundant to mention the town name again since it was just stated as her place of death? SusunW (talk) 15:05, 12 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@SusunW: Thanks,♦ Dr. Blofeld 10:44, 12 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for looking at this one Dr. Blofeld Changing jurisdictions at times made this one hard to write, but nonetheless, a subject I really enjoyed learning about. I think I have answered all your points, but if not, let me know. SusunW (talk) 15:05, 12 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose quality:

B. MoS compliance:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. References to sources:

B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Good job! ♦ Dr. Blofeld 18:47, 14 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]