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Talk:2012 Armor All Gold Coast 600/GA1

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Reviewer: Amakuru (talk · contribs) 21:54, 5 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Background
  • "the 22nd anniversary running of the event" - wording sounds slightly odd here, usually an anniversary is of something rather than an adjective?
  • "Following the 2011 finish where electronic detection sensors were disabled and chicane bollards were dismantled to allow drivers to cut those corners after claims of inconsistent decisions, the size of those kerbs were enlarged to address the issue" - I think the sentence order could be switched around a bit here, as having "following" and then later "after" makes it confusing as to what order things happened. Perhaps start with what happened in 2011, and then move on to what exactly the changed later. It's not clear to me why they needed to increase kerb sizes and what effect that had at this point...
  • "who contests the full International V8 Supercar Championship" - should probably be in the past tense like the other things mentioned
  • "a shoulder injury he picked up at a training camp that required surgery" - I'd put a comma after training camp
  • "the remainder of the season starting from the Gold Coast 600" - again a comma after "season" might help the flow
Race 22 - Practice
  • General - is this actually part of Race 22, or should it be in its own question? The only reason I ask is that it was on a different day, and Race 23 doesn't seem to have a corresponding practice.
  • "Four 40-minute practice sessions were held on Friday" - I think a date might be useful here.
  • "The first morning session and the fourth session held in late afternoon was open to all drivers" - probably "the late afternoon", and was -> were, since there are two sessions mentioned.
  • You should probably be consistent about numbering the turns in figures or digits, per MOS:NUM, since they're comparable. So "turn 2" and "turn 11", not "turn two" and "turn 11".
  • The quote starting "What happens in the drivers' briefing..." - it's not clear to me who said that.
Race 22 - Qualifying and top ten shootout
  • Minor point maybe, but I'm left wondering what a "top ten shootout" is when it's first mentioned at the beginning of this paragraph. Obviously you do clarify later, but could maybe provide a little more info up front. Or else not mention it until further down...
  • "flying lap" - is there a glossary or anything you can link to here? I can imagine some readers might not know what this means
Race 22 - Race
  • "Hinchcliffe made a slow getaway" - I found myself a bit confused here, given that Hinchcliffe is the international driver, and only the lead drivers were mentioned in the qualifying section. Could we clarify who Hinchcliffe's lead driver was? (also, this would help me know if he was the pole position driver or further back). Perhaps this would be solved by adding the international drivers to the previous paragraph, although we also need to be concious of not making it too verbose!
  • "Salo got tyre temperature" - what does this mean? I assume it's something like his tyres reached the ideal racing temp. but maybe clarify.
  • "On the lap, Turner was passed by Rahal at the beach chicane for fourth" - on which lap? Not sure what "the lap" refers to.
Race 22 - Post-race
  • "declared his and Bourdais' happiness over the victory" - per MOS:POSS, it should either be "Bourdais's", or reword to avoid that construct
  • "... I am sure it made for good television, It really threw us back ..." - are these two separate sentences? If so, separate with a period. And if not, then "It" shouldn't be capitalised
  • "Otherwise it's going to come down to Homebush (final event)" - was "final event" part of the quote? If not, it should probably be in square brackets; and include "the" as well - i.e. [the final event]. Consider linking to that event too, if there is any suitable article.
  • "first lap accident" -> "first-lap accident"
Race 23 - Qualifying
  • "A single half an hour qualifying session" -> "A single half-hour qualifying session"
Race 23 - Race
  • "In the meantime, Hinchcliffe and Caruso retired on lap 35 when their car had its right-rear wheel sheered as the latter left the pit stall" - what is the latter? Caruso?
  • "On lap 46, Blanchard slid luridly on the exit" - the word "luridly" doesn't sound very encyclopedic in this context. If it's a quote, please put it in quotes and attribute it. Otherwise, reword.
Race 23 - Post-race
  • "Tim (Slade) came out in front of me after the last stop" - as above, Slade should be in square brackets I think.
  • "My tyres were pretty cold on those Safety Car laps" - "safety car" was in lower case on previous mentions
General

@MWright96: that's about all from me on the prose front. I'll come back and have a quick look at referencing etc once you've had a chance to respond to these. Cheers  — Amakuru (talk) 10:48, 6 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

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