Talk:1st and 4th Missouri Infantry Regiment (Consolidated)/GA1
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Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 22:55, 24 May 2020 (UTC)
I'll review this (kinda a continuation of my other review on the regiment), hope you don't mind me taking this on as well. Eddie891 Talk Work 22:55, 24 May 2020 (UTC)
- "The regiment was formed when the 1st Missouri Infantry and the 4th Missouri Infantry were consolidated on November 7, 1862" It'd make more sense to me to have the date first (i.e. the regiment was formed on November 7, 1862 when the..."
- Done
- " On April 9, 1865, the regiment surrendered at the Battle of Fort Blakely, and was paroled in May." not sure how to best do it, but I think it may be useful to clarify that the ACW ended there for a reader who may not be immediately familiar?
- Done
- "suffered heavy losses
earlier in the war" They wouldn't have suffered the losses later in the war- Removed
- Link colonel in the body upon first mention
- Done
- "would command the regiment" -> "took command of the regiment" or something similar?
- Fixed, also corrected two other uses of "would"
- Some explanation of detached duty would be helpful as it's not something I think a reader would be immediately familiar with.
- Specified exact nature of duty
- "prevent a disaster." perhaps stating what the disaster was would be helpful
- Done
- "and the Confederates kept storming forward" is storming the word you want here?
- Changed word choice
- " forcing a retreat that turned into a rout towards the river crossing. " rout is duplinked right after, and if the regiment never routed, how did it turn into one?
- Removed duplink, and I've worked to the wording to make it clearer that basically everyone but the regiment routed.
- ". Many of the Missourians
simplydid not report to Demopolis. "- Removed
- "Campaign for Atlanta" -> "Atlanta campaign"? " Atlanta Campaign" -> "Atlanta campaign"?
- Went with Atlanta campaign, I think the MOS likes campaign to be lowercase
- Check for ranks that need to be decaptitalized as they aren't associated with a person (i.e. " now promoted to Brigadier General,") there are several
- Found and fixed two or three
- "brigade had thrown out skirmishers," perhaps rephrase, something doesn't quite sit right
- Replaced "thrown out" with deployed. Is that better?
That's it for a first pass, nice work Eddie891 Talk Work 00:16, 27 May 2020 (UTC)
- @Eddie891: - Ready for the second pass whenever you are. Hog Farm (talk) 20:21, 31 May 2020 (UTC)
- Hog Farm, File:Battle of Champion Hill.png needs a PD-US tag. Other than that, I see nothing, but will take a third pass after this Eddie891 Talk Work 22:56, 31 May 2020 (UTC)
- Done. Hog Farm (talk) 01:37, 1 June 2020 (UTC)
- Hog Farm, That's it from here. This article is well written, I'm AGF on the offline refs, reasonably comprehensive, and otherwise meets the GA criteria. Happy to pass. Well done! Eddie891 Talk Work 00:06, 2 June 2020 (UTC)
- Done. Hog Farm (talk) 01:37, 1 June 2020 (UTC)
- Hog Farm, File:Battle of Champion Hill.png needs a PD-US tag. Other than that, I see nothing, but will take a third pass after this Eddie891 Talk Work 22:56, 31 May 2020 (UTC)