Wits of the Brats

Wits of the Brats
Directed by	Lau Kar-wing
Produced by	Run Run Shaw
Starring	David Cheung Chin-pang Alexander Fu Wong Yue
Distributed by	Shaw Brothers
Release date	1984 (1984)
Running time	93 minutes
Country	Hong Kong
Language	Cantonese

Wits of the Brats (Traditional Chinese:南鬥官三鬥北少爺 or Simplified Chinese:南斗官三斗北少爷, romanization: Nan Dou Guan San Dou Bei Shao Ye) is a 1984 Hong Kong Shaw Brothers action-comedy film directed by Lau Kar-wing. Set during the 19th century China, it tells the story of Tou Kuan, a spoiled affluent "Young Master" (Chinese: 少爷 which is a term for young men from wealthy families), who travels with his friend Mai Song to Beijing to challenge 3 Masters to improve Kuan's status. Along the way, they contend with inept assassins hired by Kuan's uncle, who wants the family business and fortune.

Plot

Tou Kuan, was a rich spoiled son of a wealthy woman from Guandong, southern China who often outsmart his opponent, and always accompanied by his advisor and also his best friend, Mai Song. One day, while bullying his teacher, his greedy uncle, Shih Chun noticed the commotion, trying to convince his arriving sister that her son is not worthy of inheriting her wealth although ultimately failed when Tou Kuan and his friend quickly cleaning up the mess, threatening his teacher and pretending to be studying which impress her mom. Mai Song later invite martial arts master and his student to challenge however Tou Kuan easily defeat them and bored because he wanted much harder challenge for him.

Tou Kuan later met a mahjong player nicknamed "Mr Blinker" which Tou Kuan has previously defeated him numerous time in the game. Despite "Mr Blinker" bringing other mahjong expert and attempt to cheats, Tou Kuan manage to outsmart them all and force "Mr Blinker" to swallow mahjong blocks. Tou Kuan and Mai Song later ran away after mistakenly punched "Mr Blinker"'s father, a local official. In the meantime, in an attempt to get rid of his nephew to inherit Tou Kuan mother's wealth, Shih Chun met a Taoist assassin nicknamed "3 eyes" (for his eye tattoo on his forehead). Shih Chun reluctantly agreed to split Tou Kuan's wealth in half as a payment after the assassin threatening to kill him. Their discussion were interrupted by a brief but vicious fight in which a constable disguising as customer who attempted to arrest the assassin was killed and showing the assassin's prowess. "3 eyes" tells that Shih Chun's nephew must leave Guandong and that he didn't want to directly involved in the assassination attempt so he would send another assassin to murder Tou Kuan while on a journey.

Shih Chun later convinces Tou Kuan's mother to tell her son to travel outside to search for a wife. Although initially refused, Mai Song later convinced Tou Kuan to travel northward to Beijing to take on the "Three Northern Witty Young Masters" in order to improve Tou Kuan status as a "Young Master".

Before stepping on a passenger ship, Mai Song assured Tou Kuan that he would have "entertainment" while on the ship. "3 eyes" henchmen later attempting to kill Tou Kuan however Tou Kuan managed to avoid the assassin. A tough man paid by Mai Song, who was supposed to "entertain" (fight) Tou Kuan, later beat and threw the assassin off the ship after mistaking the assassin for Tou Kuan.

Arriving at the north, the two men took a break in a straw field. Tou Kuan later defecate and encountered another bandits/assassin who he mistook for another thugs paid by Mai Song to challenge Tou Kuan.

They manage to find one of the northern "Young Masters" named Che Zai who is actually a master of frauds, in a restaurant. Che Zai have massive wealth including collections of western luxurious good and a flintlock pistol in which Tou Kuan purchased. The two men went to a imperial guard recruitment near the Forbidden City. They were however where fooled by a court employee, apparently paid Che Zai for bringing the two "volunteers", later bring them into a "shortcut" to the imperial guard recruitment which turns out to be a surgery room to castrate volunteer to become court eunuchs. Barely escaping, Tou Kuan were given a yellow magua vest as a gift by Che Zai for supposed immunity from the law which is actually fake. They were again barely escape the law enforcement after Mai Song fire a shot from the purchased pistol.

They later encounter another "Young Master", Ren Zhen-hao, a womanizer with western appearance in a snooker club. Zhen-hao challenge Tou Kuan to flirt a red clothed woman. Tou Kuan and Mai Song attempted to fake an assault to have the woman feelings on Tou Kuan however it failed miserably when the woman who is actually an expert fighter, defeats Tou Kuan. Zhen-hao took the opportunity to fake injury and have the woman sympathy on the himself.

Zhen-hao again challenge Tou Kuan, this time a daughter of a Russian ambassador. Tou Kuan and Mai Song later infiltrate the Russian consulate by pretending to be a wax statue and a consulate employee respectively. Zhen-hao meanwhile attempted to fake suicidal emotion using realistic fake instrument to woo the Russian woman on him although almost have himself killed after the disguising Tou Kuan swapped the fake suicide instrument with real counterpart. The Russian woman quickly rejected Zhen-hao after discovering his fake act. Tou Kuan was almost caught after he blown his cover to approach the Russian woman but later spared after the Russian woman's aunt intervention (who's in love with Mai Song and have much larger influence than her niece's ambassadorial father).

Zhen-hao admit defeat and brought the two men to meet the last of the three northern "young master", master of thief nicknamed "3 hands". Upon arriving at the thief's home, an English speaking elderly maid named Mary warned them not to meet "3 hands" or they'll regret however the three men ignored and met the thief regardless. "3 hands", notorious for pickpocket and stealing was avoided by everyone around him and have himself restrained by tying his own hand. Despite being restrained, he still managed to steal Tou Kuan's money sack using feet. Impressed by the thief's abilities, Tou Kuan challenge him to steal his valuable jade locket before sunrise in the Russian consulate before he and Mai Song and Zhen-hao ran away after noticed their pants being stolen by "3 hands".

In the night, while "3 hands" were infiltrating the consulate, "3 eyes" other henchmen, "4 eyes" aptly named for his eyeglasses, also infiltrate the compounds to assassinate Tou Kuan. Tou Kuan, Zhen-hao and "3 hands" later fights "4 eyes" however they are struggling due to "4 eyes" invulnerability to melee weapons and punches. They manage to destroy his eyeglass rendering him unable to fight due to his farsightedness and were shot in the leg by Mai Song's revolver despite his supposed invulnerability. They later interrogate "4 eyes" who initially refused to tell him the people who want Tou Kuan die later admit and tell everything after threatened with Russian roulette. Continuing the bet, "3 hands" fake defeats by having his maid to imitate rooster morning call to expose the true location of the jade and won the bet when the locket is at the hand of the thief master after he told Tou Kuan's of his trick before the actual sunrise approaching.

"3 eyes", after evading arrest, later come to the consulate to kill Tou Kuan by himself. Meanwhile, Tou Kuan, disappointed for not having wife while Mai Song already have one, finds a message seemingly from the Russian woman, thinking she was wooing him, traced the clothes to a torture room until he was ambushed by the assassin. Mai Song and the other two "young master" later arrived at the room thinking Tou Kuan were having fun with the Russian woman until they get inside and engage in a fight against the assassin. After a long battle, "3 eyes" were finally defeated when the assassin was incapacitated on a spike torture device and killed by the combined weight of the four men with Zhen-hao wearing heavy knight armor. After hearing the voice of the Russian woman inside a jail room, Tou Kuan goes inside and seemingly have sex with her, Mai Song and "3 hands" wanted to see the action but Zhen-hao lose interest and the men helped to take off Zhen-hao armor instead.

In the ending scene, Tou Kuan and Mai Song brought their Russian wives in traditional Chinese attires to their hometown of Guandong to meet Tou Kuan's mom but instead they were startled by the appearance of Tou Kuan's mom in western clothing.

Cast

• David Cheung Chin-pang as Tou Kuan
• Alexander Fu Sheng as Che Zai
• Lin Hui-huang as Mai Song
• Natalis Chan as Ren Zhen-hao
• Wong Yue as "3 Hands"
• Wang Lung-wei as "3 Eyes"
• Wong Jing as "Mr Blinker"
• Lee Hoi-sang as "4 Eyes"