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Resolved comments from TBrandley

[edit]

Comments from TBrandley: I'll be reviewing within the next two days. Ping me if I forget. :) In the meantime, I can say that the article is very-well written, and looks good! TBrandley 20:30, 7 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • premiered should be originally aired
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link Nielsen household rating
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Remember to link in images, as content should be re-linking in images, as per WP:OVERLINK. This applies to add images throughout the whole article.
Done? Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The episode ends with Betsy Monroe driving away with her new demon baby. Her eyes flash with red gleam before returning back to normal." that is it for a whole paragraph, that should be merged. I'm not keen on short paragraphs.
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link medical drama
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Fox Network" should be just "Fox network", per MOS:CAPS. Also, only link Fox, without network
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • After first mentions, all people/actors, etc. should be referred to by last name, unless two are named the same, this is per WP:MOS. I see quite a few violations of this.
Done? Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the first season" only link "first season", without "the"
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • mostly should be generally
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Like the majority of the sixth season, the episode was filmed in Los Angeles, California." how about ""Terms of Endearment" was filmed in Los Angeles, California, as were majority of the episodes of the sixth season" instead? Sounds better.
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "California" I can see that, but where's the mention of it being filmed in LA (aside from the image), it needs to be mentioned there in the article's prose
Done.
  • Also, link Los Angeles and California, as per WP:MOS.
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • This article appears to be coming from an American (US) point of view, thus a violation of WP:NPOV. It says "Los Angeles, California", then "Vancouver, Canada". So, it seems as though people are assuming that is US, and clarification is needed for California. Not netural really. I'd change "Canada" to "British Columbia" to avoid such problems.
Done; though I actually have lived my entire life in Canada. lol Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the casting section, it says "which lead to Campbell describing the filming process as a "coming home" experience for him", then how does that relate to casting, and not filming instead
Good point; changed "filming process" to "process." Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Like" isn't encyclopedic prose, same goes for "mostly", as said above
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Campbell had actually" remove actually as per WP:NPOV. Same goes for "In fact", "just", which is in the plot sectioning
Removed all instances of those words. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "$3,000" you need to clarify which dollar you are talking about. US dollar, Canadian dollar, which?
Done Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "many" maybe change to "numerous"
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Terms of Endearment" first aired in the United States on January 3, 1999." your missing which channel/network it aired on, add there please
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Wait, in the lead it says the episode earned a Nielsen household rating, and in reception, it says a Nielsen rating instead? Which is it?
Clarified; just a Nielsen rating. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The episode aired in the United Kingdom", to clarify, add "originally" before "aired" in that sentence
It didn't "originally" air in the United Kingdom though, it originally aired in the US on the Fox Network. It later aired in the United Kingdom. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He commented [...] though commented that the episode" a different word maybe, as the same one is being used in the same sentence. Perhaps "stating", "claiming", stuff like that
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Millennium" can you explain what that show is, perhaps clarify that it is an American supernatural drama that originated for X-Files, etc., something like that
Removed the awkward comparison to the episode altogether. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "6/10" remember to write out fully, "6" out of "10", like that
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • WP:CITE says that locations should be added to the references of newspapers, use the |location parameter to do so
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Allmovie --> AllMovie
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ref. 21 and 44 has WP:DASH problems, make the hypten an en-dash
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Sky 1" no space needed, it is "Sky1"
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Internet Brands Inc" no "Inc" needed
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "'The X - Files" huh
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • What do some reference have publishers and others don't? Be consistent.
All 13 of the book references have publishers. The article uses 25 references derived from books, and 28 that do not. 18 of the online references have publishers, which means that 10 do not. 4 of the 10 are attributed to Cinefantastique which doesn't have a traditional publisher, 2 to IGN which is the same case, 2 to Allmovie which is the same case, 1 to Starpulse which doesn't have a publisher since it's a directly online website, and 1 to Variety (magazine), which I believe utilizes "work" instead, if I'm wrong here let me know. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Some, such as ref. 5, have a work and publisher, some just have a "work" or just a "publisher". That's what I meant. Click on the articles for them to find out "owners" which are the publishers, actually. TBrandley 17:36, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Hmm. Cinefantastique doesn't have one, as per here and here. DVD Journal doesn't have one as per here, and IGN doesn't have one, as per here, here, and here. Added the publisher for Starpulse per here and the publisher for Variety from its main article. Only these 5 aforementioned references don't have them now. Bruce Campbell (talk) 18:23, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Those are mostly fine, other than IGN. IGN's publisher is News Corporation. TBrandley 18:25, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Added here. Bruce Campbell (talk) 18:31, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Remove X-Files Wiki link as per WP:ELNO
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

TBrandley 04:10, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I believe I have addressed these concerns here, if not instruct me further. Bruce Campbell (talk) 05:50, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Further replies listed above. TBrandley 17:41, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Publishing issues addressed here, it seems you fixed the other things I missed. Bruce Campbell (talk) 18:23, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Resolved comments from Cliff smith

[edit]

Comments:

    • Written by David Amann, and directed by Rob Bowman, the episode is a "Monster-of-the-Week" story, unconnected to the series' wider mythology.
    • I don't think there should be a comma after Amann (that comma and the one after Bowman make and directed by Rob Bowman a parenthetical phrase, which reduces the conveyed importance of the content of that phrase). Also, I think it might read better as two sentences: The episode was written by David Amann and directed by Rob Bowman. "Terms of Endearment" is a "Monster-of-the-Week" story, unconnected to the series' wider mythology.
Changed to two separate sentences. Bruce Campbell (talk) 00:48, 10 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • The first five seasons of the series were generally filmed in Vancouver, British Columbia, however production during the show's sixth season took place in Los Angeles, California.
    • There should be a semicolon before however and a comma after however (it's a conjunctive adverb here).
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 00:48, 10 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • The cars featured in the episode were a Chevrolet Camaro Z28 convertible, which had been downgraded from a BMW Z3 in the rewrite process.
    • Only one car is mentioned, but the sentence begins with plurals: The cars featured in the episode were. Were all the cars featured in the episode Chevrolet Camaro Z28 convertibles? Should there be singulars (The car featured in the episode was)?
Just a single car; changed. Bruce Campbell (talk) 00:48, 10 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • The main antagonist of the episode, Weinsider is a child murdering demon.
    • There should be a hyphen between child and murdering (they serve as a single adjective before the noun demon).
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 00:48, 10 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • It was romoted with the tagline "Born to raise hell. Tonight, something terrifying is about to be born."
    • I think romoted is missing a p.
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 00:48, 10 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • The episode later aired in the United Kingdom and Ireland on Sky1 on April 18, 1999 and received 0.62 million viewers, making it was the eighth most watched episode that week.
    • There should be a comma after the year (WP:DATEFORMAT). Also, I think was should be removed.
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 00:48, 10 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Tom Kessenich, in his 2002 book Examination: An Unauthorized Look at Seasons 6–9 of the X-Files wrote positively of the episode...
    • There should be a comma after the book title (in his 2002 book Examination: An Unauthorized Look at Seasons 6–9 of the X-Files is a parenthetical phrase in that sentence).
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 00:48, 10 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • The role was described as one of the essential performance given Campbell.
    • I'm not completely sure what is meant to be said by this sentence, as it reads now.
Just an awkward line, removed because it wasn't even important. Bruce Campbell (talk) 00:48, 10 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Vanderwerff, did however, note that the episode's biggest weaknesses were its limited use of Scully and its over-the-top use of Spender as a villain.
    • The capitalization of Vanderwerff should be VanDerWerff, as it is earlier in the paragraph. Also, the comma after that surname belongs before however (it's a parenthetical adverb here).
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 00:48, 10 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Later during the ninth season, Amann became one of the main supervising producers and wrote multiple episodes, including "Release" and "Hellbound".
    • There should be a comma after Later (during the ninth season is a parenthetical phrase in that sentence). Separately, just out of curiosity, why are "Release" and "Hellbound" mentioned in particular?
Done. Also, fair point, it just appears to cite two random episodes with no particular reason as to why. Changed to "most notably". Though he was a supervisor for the entire season, those episodes were where he had teleplay credits (though he shared a credit with "Release"). Bruce Campbell (talk) 00:48, 10 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • People were so annoyed by the nature of the character, that he would be pestered during his everyday life, with people calling him "paper shredder".
    • I don't think there should be a comma after character.
Done. Bruce Campbell (talk) 00:48, 10 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Rather minor comments, as you can see. Cliff Smith 00:22, 10 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the comments, it's always really helpful to get comments from people who are good with grammar. Your comments were addressed and answered here. Bruce Campbell (talk) 00:48, 10 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

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