Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Tasha Yar/archive1

• "Following further development she became known first as Tanya, and then Tasha. Crosby had originally auditioned for the role of Deanna Troi, while Rosalind Chao became a favourite for Tasha. After Marina Sirtis auditioned for the role of Tasha, the show's creator Gene Roddenberry decided to switch the roles for the actresses, with Sirtis becoming Troi and Crosby becoming Tasha." - Can we avoid having Tasha so many times in three sentences?

  I managed to edit out the final apperance. Miyagawa (talk) 18:16, 31 July 2013 (UTC)

• She was written back into the show for the third season episode "Yesterday's Enterprise" in which the timeline was altered so that she did not die, - Erm, this implies she may have come back as a regular. Gotta make sure that's not a possible misinterpretation

  I've changed it to make it clear that it was a guest appearance. Miyagawa (talk) 18:16, 31 July 2013 (UTC)

• Inspired by the character of Vasquez in Aliens, the character was named "Macha Hernandez" and was the Tactical Officer on board the Enterprise. - Avoid having "character" twice in the same sentence

  I've edited out the first "character". Miyagawa (talk) 18:16, 31 July 2013 (UTC)

• The character was subsequently renamed "Tanya" by March 13 for two days - This sentence is bugging me, can't think of a way to rephrase it. if we don't know for sure when she was renamed, how can we know the name only held for two days?

  Ah, an error has crept in during the paraphrasing. It was actually two days around March 13, not by March 13. I'll correct it in the article now. Miyagawa (talk) 18:16, 31 July 2013 (UTC)

• writers and directors guide - Erm, writers' and directors' guide?

  Changed as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 18:16, 31 July 2013 (UTC)

• Denise Crosby provided a voice role for the game, - awkward construction

  Changed to "recorded audio". Miyagawa (talk) 18:16, 31 July 2013 (UTC)

• attacked by a series of sentry probes which adapt to Data and Yar's attacks - Avoid repeating attack

  I've edited out the second one, making it more specific by saying it was the phasers. Miyagawa (talk) 18:16, 31 July 2013 (UTC)

• The alternative universe version of Yar travelled back in time on board the Enterprise-C, and into the main timeline. - Not getting it

  Well... when the Enterprise C appeared in the rift, history was changed. So when Yar boarded it and it went back in time, the timeline was reset to what it was originally with the exception that a Yar from an alternative future ended up in the past. Miyagawa (talk) 18:16, 31 July 2013 (UTC)

• Sela screamed to prevent her from being taken away from her father which subsequently resulted in Yar's execution. - very run-on

  Reworded. Miyagawa (talk) 18:16, 31 July 2013 (UTC)

• writer's bible - As in original? Suggest quotes

  Done. Miyagawa (talk) 18:16, 31 July 2013 (UTC)

• Check for BrE. As an American TV series, this should use AmE.
• Yar's death as one of the celebrated ones in Star Trek, alongside that of Spock in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan and James T. Kirk in Star Trek Generations. - Erm... celebrated? Kirk? They dropped a bridge on him, and TVTropes is still screaming. Yeah, I understand that's what the source says, but I wonder where he's getting his data from (note how your "Naff" list also has Kirk)

  Changed to "most notable" rather than "celebrated". I think that is a reasonable paraphrase and a little more accurate. I was amused in the run-up to the release of Into Darkness that one of the writers of Generations said that the original intention was for Kirk to fall on the bridge and die, not for a bridge to fall on Kirk and die! Miyagawa (talk) 18:16, 31 July 2013 (UTC)

• You paraphrase "Naff" as "stupid" in the lead. I'd probably go with "tasteless", or "ppor", or "bad", or something a little less polarizing.

  I've changed it to tasteless. Miyagawa (talk) 18:16, 31 July 2013 (UTC)

• I've given a copyedit, be sure to check. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:10, 31 July 2013 (UTC)