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Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home/archive1

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Comments by Jappalang

[edit]

I have performed a copyedit (trying to clear up some concepts and language).[1]

Cast

  • The last sentences of the last paragraph are unsourced.
    Per WP:V, these should be cited (even if the reference material is the credits at the end of the film). Leaving these uncited is pretty much a violation of WP:V and an open call to potential vandalism (i.e. since the information is uncited, someone can prove tendentious by barging in with the claim that a certain person is the guy in the background without need of a source). This is problematic especially since the last paragraph is a list (in prose form) without much context for each actor named. Jappalang (talk) 02:23, 25 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Development

  • http://trekmovie.com/2008/07/27/exclusive-interview-leonard-nimoy-part-2/ does not support the assertion that "Nimoy and Murphy acknowledged his part would attract non-Star Trek fans to the franchise following the rising popularity of Murphy, but it also meant the film might be ridiculed." and several earlier details.
    That was an issue with the Nimoy citation only supporting the middle of a statement; I've added another call to the supporting ref for that section, thanks for the catch.
  • Should it be "Head of Paramount", or what is Steele's proper title?
    Bold be I that I expanded it to "head of production".[2][3] Jappalang (talk) 02:23, 25 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... Gillian Taylor stays on 1986's Earth and vows to ensure the survival of the humpback whale despite the paradox it would create."
    How would this be a certain paradox? She might fail despite her vow and the whales go extinct.
    Changed to "could".
  • "... Spock uses a Vulcan nerve pinch to knock out an annoying punk rocker was based on a similar scene cut from Time After Time."
    It might be wise to drop the neck pinch reference or rephrase the whole thing (I feel the original sentence suffers the same thing); "similar scene" makes it seem that a neck pinch was used in Time After Time.
    dropped the neck pinch part, since it pops up later.

Design

  • Many mentions of reuse are here, sometimes too specific (Saratoga). Heavy instances of prop and stage reuse are also in Filming. It might be possible to combine all these talk of reuse here instead with more general statements. A similar point is the concepts of the films (punk scene and such). This is not a big issue, however.

Filming

  • "The Voyage Home's Earth-based story required less of this practice than The Wrath of Khan and The Search for Spock."
    There should be an explanation. New Earth-based sets might still be needed. I was thinking "... The Search for Spock; new, unique alien environments were not as needed as in the previous films." Would the source support this?
    Not really. I've just cut the reference to the story altogether and kept it general.

Effects

  • What are "establishing shots"?
    Linked, since I wasn't sure if there was an easy way to introduce that without adding a lot of words.
    Yeah, the concept seem quite broad to allow easy elaboration. I guess linking alone would suffice in this case. Jappalang (talk)
  • "actors on a set in the Paramount parking lot that had been covered with reddish clay and painted backdrops"
    "Parking lot that had been covered with ... painted backdrops" does not sound right to me.
    wasn't sure what the issue here was, but I condensed it a bit for flow.
    My issue was wit the "covered with backdrops" structure; "use backdrops" seem more sound, and I took a bold step here. Jappalang (talk) 02:23, 25 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Rather than try to match and combine camera pans of each element, each component was shot with a static camera with the pan added to the resulting composite by a motion control camera."
    Clarification: Is "the pan" a panning shot of the background; i.e. the components are static while the background moves in the composite?
    The final image has the entire scene pan (characters in the foreground, the background and the ship.)
    I am still uncertain over what that means, but I tweaked the sentence to get rid of the "with ... with" closeness. Have a look. Jappalang (talk) 03:17, 25 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Audio

  • "The humpback's communication with the probe at the climax of the film contained no dramatic music, meaning that Mangini's sounds had to stand alone."
    This seems to contradict the previous paragraph's claim of Rosenman's music.
    The music part is referring to the general communication of the probe, so I've tweaked it to make that clearer (there's music towards the end as the article rightly says but not during the "climax".)

Critical response

  • "The Voyage Home received mostly positive reviews—Nimoy called it the most well-received of all Star Trek films made at that point, and it appealed to general audiences in addition to franchise fans."
    If the last clause is supposed to be connected with the first, then the comma before it should be an emdash. If not, it does not seem to match the way the statement about Nimoy's claim is structured.
    Tweaked.

Just the above for the moment. Jappalang (talk) 04:48, 23 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the detailed comments. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs(talk) 16:32, 24 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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