Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Ozzie Smith

Continued review

• Hyphens for "four year old" son?

Done. I think it's better with the dashes. Monowi (talk) 02:23, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

• 1987 season: In addition to winning the Gold Glove Award at shortstop for the eighth consecutive year, Smith also posted...". Don't need that word when "In addition" is leading the sentence. That's really what also means.

Gotcha. Monowi (talk) 02:23, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

• "with Minnesota winning the decisive Game 7." One of these "noun-plus-ing" sentence structures that I've been seeing a lot lately.

New phrase reads, "...with Minnesota winning the series." Is this acceptable? Monowi (talk) 02:23, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

• The problem isn't really fixed by that. The best advice I can give you is to read User:Tony1/Advanced editing exercises and go down to the noun plus -ing section. That explains things better than I could, and provides some examples similar to this one, along with solutions. I need to come back and check the other comments, here and on the other page. Giants2008 (17-14) 23:10, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

• I'll fix this one, since it's the last thing left. The link above is still useful for future reference, however. Giants2008 (17-14) 21:46, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

• The American dollar link really isn't that useful for an American subject.

Done. Monowi (talk) 02:23, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

• 1996 season: "and awarded Clayton the majority of playing time in the platoon situation that developed". I'm concerned that "platoon" may be a little too much jargon for our non-baseball fan readers. Fortunately, there is a platoon system article here. Why not pop that in as a piped link?

Great idea. Done. Monowi (talk) 02:23, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

• Noted for his ritual backflip before opening days, All-Star Games, and postseason games". Check capitalization of opening day. I've seen it used both ways on Wikipedia articles.

Done. Monowi (talk) 02:23, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

• "The Cardinals then won Games 2,3, and 4". Space before 3.

Done. Another good catch. Monowi (talk) 02:23, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

• Another noun-plus-ing: "With the Cardinals trailing by ten runs...".

New phrase reads, "When the Cardinals were trailing by ten runs..." Is this ok?

• Post-playing career: "Smith has also been honored with induction into the Alabama Sports Hall of Fame, the St. Louis Walk of Fame, and was awarded an honorary Doctor of Humane Letters degree from his alma mater Cal-Poly." If the whole sentence is read, it's somewhat awkward. Try this to start: "Smith has also been honored with induction into the Alabama Sports Hall of Fame and the St. Louis Walk of Fame, and was...".

New sentence reads, "Smith has also been honored with induction into the Alabama Sports Hall of Fame and the St. Louis Walk of Fame, and received an honorary Doctor of Humane Letters degree from Cal-Poly."

• En dash needed for reference 17. There are so many book citations needing dashes that it's easy to miss one. The others look fine, though.

Done. Monowi (talk) 02:23, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

That's all from me. Giants2008 (17-14) 16:26, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Thanks again for all of your help! Monowi (talk) 02:23, 25 January 2009 (UTC)