Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Diamond Trust of London/archive1

Addressed comments from Crisco 1492

It was published by indiePub, - before or after the Kickstarter campaign? Unclear from the lead.
- indiePub is the publisher of the game. Before of after isn't really relevant.
  - From the lead, readers may think that Kickstarter was used to actually get indiePub to publish (which would be incorrect). — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:59, 3 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
by Jason Rohrer, with music by Tom Bailey. - Feels like you're missing a word before "by"
- ~~Will insert "developed".~~
File:Diamond Trust of London.png - where is a statement in which he puts the box art in the public domain? Give a link to his PD release
File:Diamond Trust of London - Screenshot 01.png - this too
File:Diamond Trust of London - Paper Prototype zoom.jpg - this too
File:Diamond Trust of London - Tom Bailey and Jason Rohrer - Crop.png - this too
File:Diamond Trust of London - Ready for Shipping.jpg - and this#
- These images are either hosted on Sourceforge or hosted on Kickstarter (PD release). I will edit the file descriptions of Sourceforge files to point to its licensing declaration too.
  - Yeah, links to both of those in the description pages are necessary to prove the PD status of the images/music/whatever. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:59, 3 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
~~Add citations directly after direct quotes.~~
video games consultancy - or video game consultancy firm?
- firm.
~~Make sure to link terms on their first use outside the lede~~
~~and former band-mate, - what band?~~
- Name not mentioned.
~~Unfortunately, - POV~~
If this is in British English it should use DD-MM-YYYY format.
- I prefer the Month-Day-Year format in text. The Times and The Telegraph do too. I also prefer groups to be treated as plural, "Zoo were" instead of "Zoo was". JDC changed this, I don't really mind.
  - Hmm... WP:STRONGNAT points towards using "20 September 2000" rather than "September 20, 2000" in the body of the text for the UK, but I don't mind letting personal preference come on top here.
four actual diamonds - What a publicity stunt. Any word on how he was able to afford this when he needed Kickstarter to actually get the games published?
- You can see the some of the diamonds here, but there's no reliable source as to their quality. I assume it's just bort.
Paste praised the support for DS Download Play functionality as generous, and described games of Diamond Trust of London as "fabulous palate cleansers" in between board game sessions. - What makes this review notable?
GamesTM too
- These are reliable sources. I wouldn't say specific reviews are "notable", but I've tried to cover what reliable sources had to say about the game.
  - Not worried about the reliability, but how major the publication is. Perhaps because this game received very few reviews it's not much of a problem, but if the article Final Fantasy XIV omitted some more mainstream publications and used these instead it would likely have trouble at FAC. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:59, 3 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - No, I get that. I oppose more video games at FAC than I support, and it's mostly down to the choice of sources. (some examples here), so I'm definitely mindful of it. If the game was covered by more influential publications, I would have used them. - hahnchen 02:18, 3 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      - Alright, looks good. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:01, 3 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Nintendo Gamer felt similarly, - a publication does not feel, a reviewer does
- Will reword slightly.
I've copyedited, be sure to check. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 04:46, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for the review. I'm happy with your copyediting. I've commented above, but I'm about to head out now - so will not be making changes until the evening. - hahnchen 13:43, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - Edits made. I didn't insert the word "developed" in the first sentence though - just using the word "by" seems more holistic than specifying "design" or "develop". I've made edits at Commons to clarify the license of the media used. - hahnch e n 18:52, 2 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]