Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Battle of Babylon Hill/archive1

TFA blurb review

The Battle of Babylon Hill was a skirmish between Royalist and Parliamentarian forces in South West England, on 7 September 1642, during the early stages of the First English Civil War. After a failed Parliamentarian siege of Sherborne, about 350 Royalists were sent to reconnoitre near Yeovil. Under the command of Sir Ralph Hopton (pictured), the detachment established itself on Babylon Hill, on the outskirts of the town. When they were withdrawing late in the day a force of Parliamentarians approached. A chaotic battle ensued, mostly due to the inexperience of the soldiers involved. The Parliamentarian force made a cavalry attack, which the Royalists were able to repel, though many of their troops were routed. In the confusion, they were eventually able to pull back under the cover of darkness. Both sides claimed they had killed sixty or more; modern estimates are that the Royalists lost around twenty, and the Parliamentarians five. (Full article...)

979 characters, including spaces.

Hi Harrias and congratulations. A draft blurb for this article is above. Thoughts, comments and edits from you or from anyone else interested are welcome. Gog the Mild (talk) 16:17, 30 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I think it needs to be "were sent to reconnoitre Yeovil." Otherwise the reader is left wondering what "the town" is in the next sentence. Otherwise I'm happy with it. Harrias ^talk 16:57, 30 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Dank: In the light of [1], can I pass this one to you? Gog the Mild (talk) 17:17, 30 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I see your point, but I'm guessing "near Yeovil ... nearby Yeovil" will sound repetitious to Main Page ears. So, I put "near Yeovil" in that spot, and deleted the first one. Does that work for you? - Dank (push to talk) 17:52, 30 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I agree with avoiding the repetition. How about "were sent to reconnoitre the town of Yeovil"? I don't know if the clarification is necessary or not; to my mind "were sent to reconnoitre near Yeovil" suggests that the proximity to Yeovil could have been incidental, but they were specifically sent to watch the Parliamentarian forces in Yeovil. Harrias ^talk 18:03, 30 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Three points: 1. The blurb says that the parliamentarians made a cavalry attack, but as I read the article the first cavalry charge was by the royalists. 2. I think the blurb should say that the battle was between forces of equal size. 3. "many of their troops were routed" sounds wrong grammatically to me. I prefer the version now in the lead "sections of both forces were routed" Dudley Miles (talk) 22:13, 30 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry, I forgot to watchlist this. This one is Gog's blurb, so I'd rather not fiddle with it too much. Gog? - Dank (push to talk) 21:52, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I would much like Harrias's input on these points. What do you think Harrias? Gog the Mild (talk) 15:17, 19 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]