Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Walter Nowotny
After a major overhaul I feel that the article has made some progress. Since I'm not a native speaker I seek some suggestions on grammar and wording. Thanks to all helping out. MisterBee1966 (talk) 21:56, 15 January 2009 (UTC)
Dapi89
[edit]Looks fine to me. Just made a few fixes. Nothing major. Dapi89 (talk) 21:10, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
Ian Rose
[edit]Structure, citations, supporting materials all look fair to me. If you're okay with it I might just copyedit the prose to save time here... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 22:31, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
- Have completed a copyedit, hope this helps - obviously let me know if I've inadvertently altered the meaning of anything in my quest to improve the prose. Apart from that, I still have the following queries:
- Intro: "...killed in a crash after he was shot down by...". Being "shot down" generally results in a crash (as opposed to being "forced down", which tends to suggest a less explosive forced landing) so simply saying "killed in combat with" or "shot down and killed by" would work better. In any case, however, there's a contradiction here because in the main body of the article we say he may not have been shot down. Safest to say he was "killed in a crash following an engagement with" or "killed in a crash following combat with"). done MisterBee1966 (talk) 15:52, 16 February 2009 (UTC)
- Luftwaffe career: "After graduation from the Jagdfliegerschule 5, Nowotny and two comrades were transferred..." Were the two comrades Schnörrer and Galland? If so, should read "Nowotny and his two comrades were transferred", which implies the previously mentioned pair. If the two comrades weren't Schnörrer and Galland, I'd just say "Nowotny was transferred" as the reference to comrades is unnecessary. done MisterBee1966 (talk) 15:52, 16 February 2009 (UTC)
- The Diamonds: "On 7 December 1943, Nowotny's 23rd birthday, he presented the Knight's Cross of the War Merit Cross to the railroad engineer Kindervater." I'm afraid I don't understand the significance of this - can we at least say what the award was for? done MisterBee1966 (talk) 15:52, 16 February 2009 (UTC)
- "The mayor of Vienna, Dipl.-Ing. Hannes Blaschke". Pardon my ignorance but I don't get the "Dipl.-Ing." bit - could we spell it out, or even just say "The mayor of Vienna, Hannes Blaschke"? done MisterBee1966 (talk) 16:00, 16 February 2009 (UTC)
- Kommando Nowotny and death: "Only two of the Me 262s managed to take off. Büttner had a punctured tire during taxiing and Nowotny's turbines initially refused to start." Is there something missing here? We say only 2 of them took off, and mention Büttner's and Nowotny's problems, which suggests they were the 2 that couldn't take off. Yet in the next sentence we have Nowotny radioing from the air, meaning he did take off, which begs the question who in addition to Büttner failed to take off? Or did 3 in fact get into the air? done MisterBee1966 (talk) 15:52, 16 February 2009 (UTC)
- Sorry, while this looks better now I'm still a bit confused. We've got four 262s ready to take off and we say Büttner never made it up and Nowotny only after a delay, at which point he engaged the enemy on his own. What about Schall and Wegmann? Did they get up or not? If so, why is only Nowotny engaging the raiders? Suggest you just reply here and then we con finalise the best wording for this in the article. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 22:04, 16 February 2009 (UTC)
- Schall and Wegmann engaged the enemy and claimed a number of aerial victories while sustaining combat damage themselves. At least Schall had to bail out. All the while Nowotny was trying to take off and help his fellow pilots. By the time he did take off he was alone. MisterBee1966 (talk) 22:27, 16 February 2009 (UTC)
- Tks - okay, I think I've got it, see what you think of my wording there now... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 00:49, 17 February 2009 (UTC)
- Looks fine MisterBee1966 (talk) 08:55, 17 February 2009 (UTC)
- Tks - okay, I think I've got it, see what you think of my wording there now... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 00:49, 17 February 2009 (UTC)
- Schall and Wegmann engaged the enemy and claimed a number of aerial victories while sustaining combat damage themselves. At least Schall had to bail out. All the while Nowotny was trying to take off and help his fellow pilots. By the time he did take off he was alone. MisterBee1966 (talk) 22:27, 16 February 2009 (UTC)
- Sorry, while this looks better now I'm still a bit confused. We've got four 262s ready to take off and we say Büttner never made it up and Nowotny only after a delay, at which point he engaged the enemy on his own. What about Schall and Wegmann? Did they get up or not? If so, why is only Nowotny engaging the raiders? Suggest you just reply here and then we con finalise the best wording for this in the article. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 22:04, 16 February 2009 (UTC)
- "His last word's were..." Is it word's in the source or words (which would be grammatically correct)? done MisterBee1966 (talk) 15:52, 16 February 2009 (UTC)
- Overall I'm very impressed with this article and if we can just sort the above questions I think it will be a decent candidate for GA/A. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 03:09, 16 February 2009 (UTC)