Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Triarii

Triarii

This article recently passed a GA review, but I am unsure of how to improve it further. My hope is to eventually make this A class, and I know it needs expansion and some copyediting to get it there. I'd like ideas for expansion and to be pointed to places where the prose could be improved. Thanks a lot.--Serviam (talk) 20:05, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

Dhatfield

I think that this article would benefit from an image of the equipment of the Triarii. Can you source some images online that could be used as reference material for original work? If so, post a request on my talk page or at Wikipedia:Graphic Lab/Image workshop and I'll try to help out. This will add depth and impact to the article. Dhatfield (talk) 03:55, 26 September 2008 (UTC)

JonCatalán

Some things could be improved.

1. The lead could be expanded to two or three paragraphs, per WP:LEAD.
2. If there was any way of getting those sources, they could probably lead to an expansion of the article and the creation of something that is suitable for FA.
3. Is there any information on how the removal of the Triarii as a class during the Marian Reforms effected the legions? I.e. in flexibility, tactically, et cetera.

Just some comments. JonCatalán^(Talk) 19:33, 1 October 2008 (UTC)

Maralia

I've given this a quick copyedit. Some comments:

1. Make the timeframe more obvious in the lead, please. Currently, it only explicitly says when their use was phased out.
2. Parts of the article are hard to parse—especially where, within a single sentence, commas are used both to set off definitions and to join phrases ("They fought as hoplites, usually carrying clipei, large round Greek shields, and bronze helmets, often with a number of feathers fixed onto the top to increase stature"). Rephrasing, using emdashes, and even using the dreaded parentheses are all options, to wit:
   • They fought as hoplites, usually carrying large, round Greek shields known as clipei and wearing bronze helmets often topped with feathers to increase their stature.
   • They fought as hoplites, usually carrying clipei—large, round Greek shields—and wearing bronze helmets often topped with feathers to increase their stature.
   • They fought as hoplites, usually carrying large, round Greek shields (clipei) and wearing bronze helmets often topped with feathers to increase their stature.
3. Are you sure about not italicizing 'hoplite' and 'maniple'?
4. I see some missed wikilinking opportunities: Scipio, war elephants, Sallust.
5. Sallust's Jugurthine War is available at Project Gutenburg in English and in Latin. (Note the quote you used is spelled with Paligna, not Paeligna.)
6. The Mommsen book doesn't have a publisher listed, so I started looking into it. The citation said that it was published in 1903, but also gave an ISBN, which clearly isn't the 1903 version. The citation should describe the exact edition of the book that you used as a source; if that edition does not have an ISBN, then we should not give an ISBN, but instead give an OCLC number (if one exists) for the precise edition used. Further, I noticed that on this particular Googlebook, the 'About' information is wrong: if you look at the cover page of the Googlebook text, you'll see that it was published in 1864, not 1903; the OCLC entry can be viewed here. In summary, please double-check the citations to make sure (1) that you haven't inadvertently repeated any Googlebook errors, and (2) that all the citation information is about the precise edition of the book used to source the article text.

Thanks for an interesting article. Maralia (talk) 20:02, 3 November 2008 (UTC)