Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Murray Maxwell

Murray Maxwell

Hello, I present for your enjoyment an article about one of those doers of derring with which the British Empire seems to have been so crammed full (what we wouldn't give for one now). In his eventful life, Maxwell was a career naval officer who fought in two wars, commanded a sucessful frigate action, was shipwrecked three times, captured by the French twice and once marooned on a desert island. He even conducted his own private war with the Chinese Empire. He eventually died after being made governor of a Canadian island that he never visited from the effects of wounds recieved twelve years earlier when he was beaten up by political opponents in Convent Garden. To find out more please read on and then come back and tell me what needs improving in order to take a shot at FA. All comments welcome and many thanks in advance.--Jackyd101 (talk) 00:29, 13 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Kirill Lokshin

The article looks very good, overall. A few points that could use some work:

There is a lack of commas in some sentences (e.g. "being sent to sea at 14 in 1790 on board HMS Juno commanded by Samuel Hood", "Maxwell, the last to leave Alceste arrived at the island on the morning of 19 February", etc.); some thorough copy-editing would probably be helpful, as that sort of thing will certainly be spotted at FAC.

Will give this a good look soon.--Jackyd101 (talk) 23:31, 26 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The first time that Amherst is mentioned, you might want to indicate his position at the time.

At the time, Amherst was "unemployed". He had been ambassador to Sicily between 1809-1811 and of course was a member of the House of Lords, but he had no official position at the time he is first mentioned.--Jackyd101 (talk) 23:31, 26 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The caption on the Gilbert painting should really be in italics, with the ship names in normal type, as it's the formal title of the work.

Done--Jackyd101 (talk) 23:31, 26 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

A translation of Napoleon's comment (probably in the accompanying footnote) would be helpful for non-French-speaking readers.

I can't work out what is meant exactly, it translates as "You are very malicious. Eh well", but unless Maxwell had pulled Napoleon's chair out from behind him I don't think this is an adequate translation.--Jackyd101 (talk) 23:31, 26 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Keep up the great work! Kirill ^(prof) 03:14, 23 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks very much for the comments.--Jackyd101 (talk) 23:31, 26 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Jim Sweeney

As more people would be aware of the Black Watch then the 42nd Regiment of Foot I would have included it in the text

along the lines of: A British Army office in the 42nd Regiment of Foot the Black Watch or which became better known as the Black Watch.

Will do.

There is a link to Frigate in the text so I would also have provided one for Sloop-of-war HMS Cyane.

Will do.

Is Martello Tower the correct term as the article states they are small defensive forts built in several countries of the British Empire and Italy is absent on the lits of locations.

In the origins section of that article, it says: "Martello towers were inspired by a round fortress, part of a larger Genovese defense system, at Mortella Point in Corsica" - Genoa is in Italy and the British towers were based on the original Italian defence system (known in English as Martello Towers). It is unlikely that the Italians knew them by that name, but English naval officers of the period would definately have used the term.--Jackyd101 (talk) 16:42, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

In the Voyage to China section link the East Indiaman General Hewitt.

Will do.

Provide a link for rajah.Fourteen proas appeared later in the day, led by a large vessel which carried a rajah.

Will do.

A good article and character who could have come out of any number of books about the navy of the period. Jim Sweeney (talk) 09:36, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the comments--Jackyd101 (talk) 16:42, 29 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC. The sourcing looks good.

Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 13:23, 11 October 2008 (UTC)