Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Heuschrecke 10

Previous peer review

It is currently on a real peer review, but I have gotten no good answers and it has changed a lot, see this diff which shows the difference from the old peer review to this one. Dreamy ^§ 01:16, 29 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

A promising start. Suggestions:

The lead is a little confused - i.e. there are single sentences like "The manufacturers were based in Magdeburg.", which spoil the flow of prose a little. Try and break it into maybe three paragraphs, which each paragraph about a specific area.

When I write these articles I try and split it clearly into a Lead, Development, Description, Operational history, Variants. The description should include a front to back description of the vehicle. Example: "The tank has a welded steel hull varying in thickness between 10 and 25 millimeters. The driver sits at the front left of the hull, with the engine to his right. The engine is a The driving controls are lever based, with four forward gears and two reverse gears connected to the Acme hydrotransmission system by a series of rods. Behind the driver, in the center of the turret is the two man turret..." This is important, as the article should be able to stand alone to a certain extent.

Introductory paragraphs are confusing - the intro should be a clear overview of it.

The relationship between the two designs is confusing. Were there 2 designs of which one was selected and one not, or were both selected?

The comparison of the two is over-complex - especially since they both have the same crew and engine and other details. The specification comparison should be summarised for those who can't follow the spec table.

Yes... It doesn't need to be there, it is just another weapon-carrier that came before the Heuschrecke. I'll remove it. Done