Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Egyptian Invasion of Mani

Egyptian Invasion of Mani

I just finished the inprovement of this article. I added the three battles of the camppaign into one article. I want to improve this article and every suggestion is well come. Kyriakos 23:29, 15 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, Senators^{Talk | Contribs} 00:20, 16 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Kirill Lokshin

A number of points that can still be improved on, I think:

The multiple infoboxes are quite excessive visually, and don't really add to the article. I would suggest removing all of them except the main one for the campaign.

Done

Dates need to be linked, per WP:MOSDATE.

Done

Are there any non-Greek sources available for these events? If there are, it would be helpful to incorporate them, I think.

Barrow and Fermor are the only ones I can find so far, I'll for some others.

Extensive copyediting would be appropriate, at this point. The prose seems simplistic, at least to me; I would suggest making some effort to employ more complex sentence structure, rather than simply chaining together simple sentences.

Hope that helps! Kirill Lokshin 03:02, 16 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Tutmosis

Can the image usage rationale be expanded. Specifically where they came from. Especially Image:Ibrahim.PNG, who granted it permission to be used under GNU? Full dates should be wikilinked, while single months/years should be de-wikilinked, Example from text: August. I noticed that some of the footnotes are exactly the same, please refer to this guide on how to combine some of them. Thanks. — Tutmosis 18:02, 16 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

PocklingtonDan

Just a few minor points, since I'm not sure if this peer review is still actively ongoing or not:

"The various Greek forces won a quick string of victories, however, disputes broke out amongst the leaders and anarchy ensued". Change to "victories. However,"
"He then tried to capture Nauplio but he was driven back. He then turned his attention to the only place in the Peloponnese that was free: Mani" If he was driven back from Nauplio, surely that was also free?
"Even though this campaign is overshadowed by other battles of the revolution, this one was one of the most important. The Maniates stopped the Egyptians and Ibrahim Pasha who had not been defeated this desicevly before" Decisively is missplet, all this needs cites. - PocklingtonDan (talk) 13:29, 15 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]