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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Closed/promoted -- Ian Rose (talk) 10:23, 20 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

John Adair

[edit]
Nominator(s): Acdixon (talk · contribs)


Another article I want to prep for FAC. As usual, the subject is a politician, but he has an extensive military record as well. Adair was a prisoner of war during the American Revolution and also served in the Northwest Indian War, but his most notable service was in the War of 1812, where he led a contingent of Kentucky militiamen at the Battle of New Orleans. After the battle, he and Andrew Jackson had a spirited, years-long battle of correspondence published in newspapers across the country over the conduct of the Kentucky troops. The controversy with Jackson launched Adair into Kentucky's governorship, where he governed during a serious financial crisis. Look forward to your comments. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 12:32, 10 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comment at least one file needs PD-70 replacing with PD-100 to cover the US. sorry I can't be more specific, I'm on a mobile device. Grandiose (me, talk, contribs) 12:44, 10 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - Eutaek or Euntaek? Either way, his title shouldn't be italicized in footnotes. Be consistent in whether you provide places for books. Check for repeated wikilinks: you've got Second Bank of the United States twice in as many sentences. Nikkimaria (talk) 13:09, 10 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support:

  • Not someone I knew anything about before!
  • "including a notable skirmish" - you could safely lose the "notable" (if it wasn't, the article wouldn't be mentioning it!)
  • "Adair's participation in the War of 1812 and a subsequent protracted defense of Kentucky's soldiers against Andrew Jackson's charges that they showed cowardice at the Battle of New Orleans restored his reputation." - suggest commas around "and a subsequent protracted defense of Kentucky's soldiers against Andrew Jackson's charges that they showed cowardice at the Battle of New Orleans"
  • "and his commanding officer in the war, twice governor Isaac Shelby" - suggest "and Isaac Shelby, his commanding officer in the war and twice governor of the state"
  • "His primary measure toward this end was the creation of the Bank of the Commonwealth" - "primary measure toward this end" read a bit oddly
  • "He was treated harshly and contracted smallpox during his months-long imprisonment" - were these events linked? As written, it implies some connection.
  • "but due to difficulties related to his smallpox infection" > "but, as a result of his smallpox infection," ?
    • The source says he "stumbled around blindly for three days on account of the smallpox he contracted in prison". Not being familiar with smallpox, I'm not sure if temporary blindness is a symptom of smallpox (he obviously wasn't blinded for life) or related to some other complication, or whether "blindly" is just a metaphor for his poor overall physical condition. Anyway, it sounded to me like it might not have been the actual smallpox but complications from it that resulted in his re-capture. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 01:11, 19 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "serving under him near on a scouting mission " - a surplus "near"
  • "to correct weaknesses in their first constitution" - this read oddly to me
    • I actually thought this was pretty clear. They had a constitution in place for a while, but there were some things in it that needed to be fixed (particularly an issue related to gubernatorial elections that were highlighted in the 1796 contest), so they called another constitutional convention. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 01:11, 19 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "who opposed most limits on elected officials, particularly on legislators" - I was unclear what a limit on elected officials were (a limit on their powers? on their numbers? on their term of office?)
    • The source says Adair's group "wanted legislative supremacy, but they were not fully insiders, and they opposed measures that might place limits on where ambition could take them in an open political system". I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I assume it at least means they opposed limits on powers and term limits, so I've added those explicitly. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 01:11, 19 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Although Henry Clay supported Brown's re-election, Adair had the support of Felix Grundy" - unclear from the context who Henry Clay or Felix Grundy are.
    • Well, at this time, they were both just members of the House of Representatives, and neither had been there very long, but both rose rapidly through the political ranks after that, an obvious testament to their political talents. I'm sure that's why the source mentioned those endorsements specifically, but I can't point to any official leadership title that either one had at the time. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 01:11, 19 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "he visited with many prominent politicians, Adair among them, about the possibility of wresting Mexico from Spain" - I'm not sure the "visited" and "about the possibility" match up (you could go for "visited with... to discuss the possibility..."?)
  • " Most of those he spoke with were convinced that he was acting on behalf of the federal government. Correspondence from Adair's former commander, James Wilkinson, confirmed this idea in Adair's mind. In 1806, Burr was arrested in Frankfort on charges of treason; officials claimed he actually intended to create a new, independent nation in Spanish lands, not expand U.S. holdings there." I didn't understand this first time around. Could I suggest "Most of those he spoke with believed he was acting on behalf of the federal government and intended to expand U.S. holdings in Mexico. Adair believed this too, having received letters from his former commander, James Wilkinson, that appeared to confirm this. In 1806, however, Burr was arrested in Frankfort on charges of treason; officials claimed he in fact intended to create a new, independent nation in Spanish lands."
  • "and pay Adair $2,500 in damages" - is there any possibility of a footnote explaining how much this was at the time? (e.g. a comparative figure for 2012, or an equivalent sum at the time - i.e. is this a lot or a little money?)
    • I think there might be a template that does this, but there were a bunch of economics-related cautions about when to use it and when not to, and since I don't claim to be an economist, I've steered clear of it. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 01:11, 19 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Adair rendered commendable service " - felt a little archaic
  • "the ones who did were primarily armed with their personal rifles" - "personal rifle" could mean a couple of different things (an infantryman is issued a personal rifle; I could bring my personal rifle to a battle rather than being issued with one). How about "privately owned rifles"? "civilian rifles"?
  • "with which to arm his militiamen" - I suspect "with which" is superfluous here
  • "and gave them to the Davis' men" - excess "the"
  • "The court's report found that "The retreat..." - the MOS would allow you to lower-case the "The" in the quote if you wanted.
  • "accusations against Adair prompted him to resume correspondence with Jackson" - needs a capital "Accusations"
  • "He briefly dismissed many of Jackson's allegations as unimportant, although he denied their truth" > "He briefly dismissed many of Jackson's allegations as unimportant and untrue."?
  • "During his term, he made only one speech, and it was so inaudible and no one knew what position he was advocating.[9] The House reporter guessed it was about mounting some federal troops on horseback." Unclear if this meant the reporter guessed (correctly), or guessed (incorrectly) - it could mean either. If the latter, I'd suggest "The House reporter speculated that it concerned mounting federal troops on horseback." Hchc2009 (talk) 18:12, 18 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for this review. It was very helpful. Acdixon (talk · contribs) 01:11, 19 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]
This article looks quite good to me and I will be moving to support once we have finalised to two outstanding (but minor) points above. Anotherclown (talk) 21:44, 6 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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