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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Promoted Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:11, 5 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Java War (1741–1743)

[edit]
Nominator(s):  — Crisco 1492 (talk)


I am nominating this article for A-Class review because I believe it is a good summary of a nearly forgotten war.  — Crisco 1492 (talk) 03:16, 11 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support:

  • Really interesting. Some minor comments below:
  • "The Java War (also called Chinese War)" - "the Chinese war"?
  • Changed
  • " head of the Dutch East Indies Company's military" - "the head"
  • Changed
  • Background: the article assumes that the reader knows who the groups in the region are; it might be worth explaining who the colonial ruler, the ethnic Chinese etc. are in this section; e.g. where the ethnic Chinese in the majority, or were they only a small % of the local population? How many Dutch lived there? etc. Also worth dropping in that this is happening on an island.
  • Thanks for pointing this out. I've added a sentence covering three of the four, with the fact that it was Dutch colonial rule added to the first sentence. I'll try to hunt down population figures for the Dutch.
  • "2,000 real" - worth linking the currency here
  • Fixed.
  • " a tribute of rice that was to their liking" - unclear if the issue was the tribute had to be their liking, or if it is the kind of rice that was important, or both.
  • The kind. How's the current phrasing?
  • "Several days afterwards, four regents (Suradiningrat from Tuban, Martapura from Grobogan, Suradimenggala from Kaliwungu, and Awangga from Kendal) " - I'd advise against the brackets here, as it forms a natural part of the main sentence.
  • Endashes?
  • "an artillery squad," - is squad the right word here?
  • Unit.
  • Working, clearer

Support Comments:

  • This sentence reads awkwardly: "Visscher, who had heavily invested in Yonko and had left a large amount of money on him, to take out his carriage..."
  • Reworded. Wow, you're right.
  • "Although the Dutch resident and five others escaped, the Dutch recorded high casualties..." This might sound smoother as: "Although the Dutch resident and five others escaped, the Dutch recorded a high number of casualties" (emphasis provided to highlight suggested change only);
  • Agreed
  • this doesn't seem clear: "the Dutch were able to fight to a three-week standstill". Do you mean "able to hold out for three weeks"?
  • Yes.
  • something seems to be missing from here: "Meanwhile, Khe Pandjang's troops, driven out of Bekasi and joined with 1,000 soldiers under the command of Captain Ismail to capture Tegal". Perhaps try: "Meanwhile, Khe Pandjang's troops, were driven out of Bekasi and joined with 1,000 soldiers under the command of Captain Ismail to capture Tegal";
  • Agreed. Done
  • comma splice: "In March, a group of seven Dutchmen led by Captain Johan Andries, Baron van Hohendorff arrived ". Is Captain John Andries and Baron van Hohendorff the same individual, or two separate people? If the first, simply add a second comma after "Hohendorff", if the latter, perhaps try: "Captain John Andries and Baron van Hohendorff". Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 08:55, 26 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Done.
Thanks for the review! I've addressed your comments. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 09:02, 26 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
No worries, good work. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 09:33, 26 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

CommentsSupport

  • No dab links [1] (no action required).
  • External links all check out [2] (no action required).
  • Image has Alt Text [3] (no action required).
  • The Citation Check Tool reveals no errors with reference consolidation (no action required).
  • Image is PD and seems appropriate to the article (no action required).
  • This seems awkward: "the head of the Dutch East Indies Company's military Bartholomeus Visscher...", probably should be "the head of the Dutch East India Company's military Bartholomeus Visscher..."
  • Oops, right.
  • This seems a little informal: "while putting on sham battles to convince...", perhaps consider "while staging sham battles to convince..." (suggestion only).
  • Sounds formal.I like it.
  • "then in Semarang for a military meet", perhaps instead "then in Semarang for a military meeting"? (suggestion)
  • Per above.
  • "Captain Rudolph Carel von Glan, a unit leader...", do we know which unit?
  • No, none of the sources I have read have it.
  • This doesn't seem gramatically correct: "went on to be the Dutch's "most dangerous enemy...", perhaps "went on to be the Netherland's "most dangerous enemy..."
  • Dutch colonial government's.
Those changes all look good to me. A few other points:
  • Not sure about the image suggested above, it might be too modern. Thoughts?
  • Possibly. We have no contemporary images of the palace on Commons. This appears to be one of the articles where images are very few.
  • Both of those delinked.
  • Is a map available which illustrates the places referred to in the text?
  • That's a good idea. I'll see what's available on Commons.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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