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The following discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this page.

Fort Corcoran

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Self-nom for the latest article in the Civil War Defenses of Washington, D.C. series. It was rated start-class while still under construction, and since my ultimate goal is to give every fort an A-Class article, I'd appreciate your comments and support on this article. Please let me know of any problems or areas that you'd like to see improved, and I'll get on it right away. Thanks. JKBrooks85 01:48, 13 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment The following need to be addressed:
  • The intro paragraph seems rather short and condenced, is there any chance it could be expanded on?
I'm not a fan of long lede paragraphs, but I have modified it slightly. If there's anything in particular you'd like to see added, let me know.
  • There are no citations at all for the first paragraph under "Occupation of Arlington", could you maybe find one or two to add?
Added.
  • Your quote has the word "reconnoitre", is that a misspelling or just a fancy term for recon?
It's the long term for recon. Since it's in a quote, I can't change it.
  • I think Maj. Gen. George B. McClellan’s quote ought to be either placed in a cqutoe box or better linked to the preceding or succseding lines, the way the quote is set up now with regards to the sentences before it seems...odd.
Modified the paragraphs around the quote and put it in blockquote format.
  • The statement "This event was the first time in history that an aerial observer actively directed artillery fire." in the Union Army Ballon Corps sections needs to be cited; otherwise there is no proof that this was the first time someone in the air directed artillery.
Couldn't find a cite for the first time ever, but added a cite for the first American directed artillery.
  • The first paragraph under the section "Union Army Ballon Corps" has no citations, could you maybe find one or two to add?
Added a few.
I couldn't find anything about Fort Corcoran leisure in particular, though I do have information about general recreation in the Union Army. The best I can offer is the picture of the band at Fort Corcoran, which at least validates the fact that there were bands there and they evidently had enough leisure time to create them. Thanks for the suggestions. JKBrooks85 18:25, 13 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support Major issues have been addressed to my satisifaction. On the issue of the intro paragraph: its just an editorial difference I guess; I like to have two or three paragraphs in the intro section that neatly sum things up, but I see no reason to object to the intro paragraph if you like to keep things short :) TomStar81 (Talk) 00:30, 14 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the support. My theory has always been that a lede should cover the article, but leave you wanting for details so you're inspired to read the article itself. Ledes that are too long answer all your questions and there's no suspense. Just my opinion, of course. I've seen plenty of long ledes that worked well, particularly on more complex subjects, which this isn't. JKBrooks85 02:14, 14 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the support. There's more to come. The style seems to work out, so hopefully I'll be able to apply it to other articles as well. JKBrooks85 13:18, 15 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this page.
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