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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article promoted Hawkeye7 (talk) 08:43, 26 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Battle of Masan

[edit]
Nominator(s): —Ed!(talk)


I am nominating this article for A-Class review. —Ed!(talk) 14:04, 1 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

  • Support Comments/suggestions: I had a go at copyediting the lead and the aftermath. I have a few suggestions (I got up to the start of the "Battle of Komam-ni" section):
    • in the "Outbreak of war" section: "Following the 25 June 1950 outbreak of the Korean War after the invasion of the..." This could probably be simplified. For instance, perhaps try: "Following the 25 June 1950 invasion of the...";
    • "the goal of fighting back the North Korean invasion and to prevent South Korea from collapsing". Consider: "the goal of pushing back the North Korean invasion and preventing South Korea from collapsing..."
    • "The division was consequently alone..." (not sure about this one, as a consequence of what? For me, I think you mean as a consequence of the drawdown of US forces in the Far East that is mentioned in the paragraph above, but IMO it is separated too much for the reader to make that leap). I think it might be best to add something, for instance: "...much larger North Korean units to buy time to allow reinforcements to arrive. These were held up due to logistical problems and as a resutl the division was consequently alone..." (something like that, but I am only making up the part about logistical problems, you would need to confirm this, or substitute the reason);
    • there is some repetition here: "he division made a final stand in the Battle of Taejon, where it was defeated a final time" (specifically the word "final" - perhaps reword);
    • repetition here: "With Taejon captured, North Korean forces began surrounding the Pusan Perimeter from all sides in an attempt to envelop" (surround, all sides, envelop - these essentially mean the same thing, IMO). Perhaps try: "With Taejon captured, North Korean forces began surrounding the Pusan Perimeter."
    • repetition in the North Korean advance section: the first para ends with: "...repeatedly pushing back U.S. and South Korean forces". The second paragraph begins with: "American forces were pushed back repeatedly";
    • in the Task force Kean section: "units on the Masan area to secure". Perhaps try: "units in the Masan area to secure";
    • there is a comma splice here: "and the 1st Provisional Marine Brigade attached, a force of about...". Perhaps try: "and the 1st Provisional Marine Brigade attached. Together this represented a force of about...";
    • not sure about the caps here: "The Force surged forward to Pansong". Probably should be "The force" as it is not a proper noun in this instance;
    • not sure about the caps here: "However the rest of the Task Force was slowed by enemy resistance". Probably should be "task force" as it is not a proper noun in this instance;
    • there is some repetition here: "the 1st Provisional Marine Brigade forces were withdrawn from the force on August 12 " (specifically forces). Perhaps try: "the 1st Provisional Marine Brigade elements were withdrawn from the force on August 12..."
    • this could be tighter: "forward supported by naval artillery and field artillery". Perhaps try: "forward supported by naval and field artillery";
    • I suggest the addition of an introductory comma here: "In the confusion North Korean armor was..." (specificially after "In the confusion");
    • this could be tigher: "inflicting massive numbers of casualties on one another". Perhaps: "inflicting heavy casualties on one another";
    • this needs an endash: "The 6th Division had been reduced to 3,000-4,000" (also I suggest adding "personnel" after the numerals);
    • in the UN redraws battle lines section, this probably should have a paired comma: "Walker then ordered the US 25th Infantry Division, under Kean to take up defensive" (second comma after "under Kean");
    • "The 2,000 feet (610 m) mountain ridges" I think this should be: "The 2,000-foot (610 m) mountain ridges..." (could be achieved by adding "adj=yes");
    • "dominated by 900 feet (270 m) Sibidang-san, along..." Probably should be: "dominated by the 900-foot (270 m) Sibidang-san, along..."
    • there is comma splice here: "left flank west of Komam-ni, 2nd Battalion held..." Possibly try: "left flank west of Komam-ni, while the 2nd Battalion held..."
    • "On division orders, 5th RCT" (probably need to formally introduce the abbreviation);
    • "Kean then ordered the 5th Regimental Combat Team to take..." (you could use the abbreviation here);
    • in the North Korean consolidation section, probably could add an introductory comma here: "Meanwhile the NK 6th Division was ordered to await reinforcements before" (after "Meanwhile");
    • "The North Koreans realized they presented a weakness in the lines but was unable to acquire men" (I suggest replacing "was" with "were");
    • there is a comma splice here: "The North Koreans at T'ongyong lost about 350 men, the survivors withdrew to Chinju". Perhaps change to: "The North Koreans at T'ongyong lost about 350 men, and later the survivors withdrew to Chinju". AustralianRupert (talk) 09:45, 5 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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