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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Promoted --Sp33dyphil ©hatontributions 09:45, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Bastille

[edit]
Nominator(s): Hchc2009 (talk)


I am nominating this article for A-Class review because it is a popular article on a major French fortification. It has an unusually high number of French inputs for one of the articles I typically work on, and advice on whether I'm compliant with style guidance etc. would be helpful. I'm also not convinced it is yet as easily readable as it could be - opinions on this would also be particularly valued. Many thanks! Hchc2009 (talk) 19:36, 24 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

  • Support Comments: sorry it has taken so long to review. Overall, I found the article easy to read, well referenced and illustrated appropriately. I believe that it meets A-class criteria, but have a number of copy edit suggestions below. Feel free to query anything you don't agree with:
    • on my machine there is a large amount of whitespace due to the table of contents, it is only a suggestion but you might like to limit the size of the TOC to just display level two headers. This can be done by adding {{TOC limit|2}};
    • something missing here, I think: "The Bastille was built in response to threat to Paris during the..." (perhaps try: "The Bastille was built in response to threats to Paris during the..." or "The Bastille was built in response to a threat to Paris during the...";
    • sounds awkward: "on the west of the capital" (perhaps try "in the west of the capital" or "on the western side of the capital");
    • probably needs commas: "and in his absence the Provost of Paris Étienne Marcel took steps to improve the capital's defences" (specifically either side of "Etienne Marcel");
    • "formed a broad, crenellated walkway" (I wonder if "crenellated" could be wikilinked - is there a Wikitionary entry maybe?)
    • "being awarded 1,200 livres a year" (I wonder if "livres" could be linked to something to allow readers to gain some further understanding")
    • slightly repetitious: "continued to develop. Early modern Paris continued to grow..." (specifically "continued" close together. Perhaps reword slightly);
    • slightly repetitious: "successfully retake Paris. By the time he was eventually successful" (specifically "successfully" and "successful");
    • is this the same thing: "a raid on the Parlement de Paris" and "The Parlement of Paris" (if so, the wikilink probably should be moved to the first mention);
    • slightly repetitious: "across the city and the royal government fled the city in September" (specifically "city", perhaps try: "across the city and the royal government fled in September");
    • not sure that the punctutation is correct here: "most famously including Nicolas Fouquet, his supporters Henry de Guénegaud and Jeannin; Lorenzo de Tonti" (specifically the final semi colon);
    • are "the Parisian lieutenant generale of police" and "the lieutenant general of police" the same thing? If so, the wikilink on the second one should probably be moved to the first;

Cheers! Will get onto these, Hchc2009 (talk) 09:06, 11 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

G'day, I've done most of these now. I wasn't able to do a couple which required access to sources and or specific knowledge. I will leave these to you. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 22:29, 27 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Quick comments - I made a few style and layout edits. Please check my copyediting and feel free to revert any of them. I'm wondering if the multiple subheaders under "History" are necessary – it may be simpler to have a "Construction" section followed by the centuries and the other sections. You also have multiple chapter citations to a "Dutray-Lecoin and Muzerelle (eds) (2010)", but I don't see an entry for the main book, nor do these chapters have page ranges, which is customary for this sort of citation. Last, I'm not sure what citation style you are using, but I think it's typical to have the period after the year, not the author. Regards, Ed [talk] [majestic titan] 22:25, 12 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments -- Wow, this is a massive article and seems to me to cover its subject from every conceivable angle -- nice work!

  • Prose- and detail-wise, performed my usual copyedit, a couple of outstanding things:
    • Marcel was subsequently removed from his post and executed in 1358 -- Did this have anything to do with his part in the Bastille's construction? If so, that should be mentioned; if not, his fate doesn't seem that relevant.
    • You italicise French terms very occasionally, e.g. cachot at one point, but not for the most part -- should be consistent throughout.
  • Structure appears appropriate for the subject.
  • Re. referencing and images, that'll have to wait for tomorrow... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 14:37, 3 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Now checked every image -- licensing appears okay, though I note that alt text is not present.
    • References look reliable enough to me though I haven't checked that every one of them is cited.
    • No spotchecks done. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 14:29, 4 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support – very good, had a quick read as earlier reviews seem to have caught a lot of issues already. Two very minor comments:

  • Coordinates are showing the top right near the GA icon and in the infobox. Given that these are very close together, is the duplication required? Personally, I'd be tempted to drop it from the infobox, as it doesn't "fit" with the other historical data as neatly, imo.
  • Might I recommend also adding Portal:History to the Portalbar in the footer? Unfortunately, many of our portals don't get a great deal of attention, would be nice to see them linked more often, even if the relevance is minor. Although the closest we have is Portal:Napoleonic Wars, but I've added this article into its random GA generator box anyway.

Ma®©usBritish [Chat • RFF] 14:14, 4 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Support great piece of work. MisterBee1966 (talk) 19:37, 9 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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