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Ramakrishna

[edit]

Over the past 2 months, lot of details have been added to the article, several corrections have been made. Several references have been added., a peer review will be very helpful. Thanks. — Nvineeth talk 08:52, 4 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

An automated peer review

[edit]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]  Completed
  • If this article is about a person, please add {{persondata|PLEASE SEE [[WP:PDATA]]!}} along with the required parameters to the article - see Wikipedia:Persondata for more information.[?] --  Completed
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally do not start with articles ('the', 'a(n)'). For example, if there was a section called ==The Biography==, it should be changed to ==Biography==.[?]
  • checked, and  Completed
  • checked, and  Completed
  • checked, and  Completed
  • Per WP:WIAFA, this article's table of contents (ToC) may be too long – consider shrinking it down by merging short sections or using a proper system of daughter pages as per Wikipedia:Summary style.[?]
  • This article may need to undergo summary style, where a series of appropriate subpages are used. For example, if the article is United States, then an appropriate subpage would be History of the United States, such that a summary of the subpage exists on the mother article, while the subpage goes into more detail.[?]
  •  Completed
  • Please make the spelling of English words consistent with either American or British spelling, depending upon the subject of the article. Examples include: behavior (A) (British: behaviour), recognize (A) (British: recognise), recognise (B) (American: recognize), realize (A) (British: realise), realise (B) (American: realize), colonize (A) (British: colonise), ization (A) (British: isation), isation (B) (American: ization), analyze (A) (British: analyse), analyse (B) (American: analyze), modelling (B) (American: modeling), skeptic (A) (British: sceptic), sceptic (B) (American: skeptic).
  • Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
    • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
    • “In the year [of] 1852”
    • Avoid misplaced formality: “in order to/for” (-> to/for), “thereupon”, “notwithstanding”, etc.
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: don't, didn't, Didn't, Didn't, didn't, Didn't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
  • One occurance is outside the quote, this has been rectified. --  Completed
  • As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Redtigerxyz (talk) 09:14, 5 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Manual peer-review

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  • "was born in a small Bengali village" in the Lead is an Undue. The lead should be a summary of the article and highlight why the person is notable and his influence in the related field. —  Completed
  • "Various supernatural incidents are recounted in connection with Ramakrishna’s birth" wrong tense, should be in the past.
  •  Completed
  • "At the age of nine, Gadadhar was to be invested with the sacred thread." is unclear -  Completed
  • "firm opposition from his family, to keep up his promise" what promise —  Completed removed this sentence, not so imp.
  • "Ramkumar ran a Sanskrit school in Calcutta " who is Ramkumar —  Completed
  • Don't swing between "Gadadhar" and "Ramakrishna". Just keep to Gadadhar, til the name "Ramakrishna" is not conferred upon him. After that, just use "Ramakrishna" throughout.  Completed
  • Comment : Its not known who, and when conferred this title., (there are 3 theories related to this), so better to mention Gadhadhar at one place, and the rest should be "Ramakrishna". — Nvineeth talk 08:47, 6 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The article just notes 1: "The name Ramakrishna is said to have been given him by Mathur Babu, the son-in-law of Rani Rasmani."--Redtigerxyz (talk) 16:30, 6 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Yes we need to mention all the three — Nvineeth talk 05:15, 7 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • There is some missing commas. Work on the punctuation marks.
  • Link an article only at the first occurrence of the name, not at every other occurrence.
  • Use IAST OR normal English, not both. The IAST can be just provided upon first occurrence of the word. Words like Kāli are in IAST; Ramakrishna is in normal English, just stick to one.
  • fixed it.  Completed
  • "Later, when Narendra" , "indicated that Radha and Chaitanya had similar experiences". Who Narendra, Radha, Chaitanya. Give context. e.g., "Later, when Ramakrishna's discpiple Narendra.." Also, Narendra is Vivekanand right, so why not the name Vivekanand be used?
  • I have fixed the sentence related to "Narendra", but unclear about Radha and Cahitanya, I think this should probably be "Religious figures like Radha and Chaitanya"? any suggestions? — Nvineeth talk 05:15, 7 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Made some changes, but check it once. -  Completed\
Not Done. See Last days para, Vivekanand is called Naren as well as Narendranath, just use Vivekanand.
Fixed the above comment, The name Narendranath Dutta now occurs only thrice in the article to give proper context.  Completed
  • Avoid 1-line paras like "The Bhairavi, with the yogic techniques[51] and the tantra[52][53] played an important part in the initial spiritual development of Ramakrishna." Also, references ideally should go at the end of sentences. -  Completed
  • Whole Parables, they can be shortened and merged with "Teachings" --  Completed
  • "Works related to Ramakrishna" can be merged into "Impact" --  Completed
The society was established on Ramakrishna's principles., so its related to RK. — Nvineeth talk 05:15, 7 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Views on Ramakrishna: Legacy" can be merged into "Impact" --  Completed, other editors pls check this edit
  • "The Oceanic feeling" is a WP:UNDUE. The part related to Ramakrishna is "Ramakrishna's experiences of Samadhi[140] were termed as Oceanic feeling by Romain Rolland."
Pls explain this, what changes are desired? if you can explain how its undue, then the editors can take care of balancing/fixing it. — Nvineeth talk
"Scholars note that the same term was adapted by Freud in his book Civilization and its Discontents.[143]

Scholars have noted similarities between Ramakrishna's oceanic feeling and other religious personalities: 

   * St. Paul, after a similar experience, was struck blind.[144]
   * Suso, a German mystic of the fourteenth century, suffered at the time of his awakening so greatly in body that it seemed to him that none even in dying could suffer so much in so short a time.[144]
   * Richard Rolle of Hampole has recorded that his heart burned with a sensible fire, "truly not imaginingly." [144]
   * St.Theresa of Avila.[145]" is not related to Ramakrishna, remove. --Redtigerxyz (talk) 16:28, 6 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
No, its not completely required to remove it., because these are important academic studies on mysticism., but yes it must be shortened. — Nvineeth talk 05:15, 7 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
A new article will be carved out of it., note the current article size is 152K! the new articles will be created after the review is complete. — Nvineeth talk 16:22, 5 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
New articles created, --  Completed
  • "Notes on Biographical sources" can be merged with "Bibliography", what every book describes is not neccessary.
Not so sure about the article . sure that the section does not belong in Ramakrishna. An WP:UNDUE. --Redtigerxyz (talk) 12:50, 15 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Yes the section does not belong in Ramakrishna, I have created a new article Books on Ramakrishna and the "Further reading" links to this section.  Completed
  • -  Completed

Additional Comments

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  • I think the lead gets into too much detail of his life, namely the first half of the second paragraph. It should instead cover the broader aspects of his different sadhanas, impact on others, lasting impact, universality, etc.
  • I've done some copyediting of the last half of the article, but it still needs more
  • All in all, the article is much improved. ~ priyanath talk 02:25, 22 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, the lead is not upto the mark, and needs to be improved., we need to work on it. — Nvineeth talk 06:29, 24 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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