Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Shimon Peres
Have looked through the article and think it could be a Good Article candidate. Flymeoutofhere 10:06, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
This article needs more information on his race against Netanyahu in the 90s. The section about the Lebanon war needs to be expanded or deleted. It seems to me this article suffers from recentism, there is lots of info on his election for Labor Party Leader in the 2005, but not much on his terms as Prime Minister. --Oneworld25 23:31, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
WindsorFan
[edit]It's very well written. However, apart from the above comments, there are only four inline citations ("In Peres's own words" needs a citation after the quote, for example and "Peres was at one time considered something of a hawk" is a bit weasel-ish). The family life section could be fleshed out some more and there are some minor issues such as full dates not being Wikilinked. WindsorFan 15:13, 16 April 2007 (UTC)
- He's like 1000 years old, right? Aren't there any pics of him from the 1940s, 50s, 60s, etc? Kaisershatner 16:05, 17 April 2007 (UTC)
I think the article is not ready for GAC. It needs some work for GAC, more work for A-Class, and a lot of work for FAC! Are you ready to go for it; a personality like Peres is a great challenge for a great article! Don't you think? These are some tips (a new review may be needed after the implementation of this review's suggestions):
- "He became Vice Premier". You tell us that twice in the lead. The same with "having led the Labor Party for many years." Don't repeat yourself in the lead. ANd this one-sentence stubby paragraph at the end of the lead is not nice.
- Re-worked. Flymeoutofhere 15:26, 21 April 2007 (UTC)
- I also do not like the chronological order in the lead. First paragraph all his important offices. OK! Then, his career between 2005-2006, and finally his career between 1934-1956? For a reader not knowing well Peres's career this is confusing I'm afraid.
- Re-worked. Flymeoutofhere 15:26, 21 April 2007 (UTC)
- Citations go after the punctuation mark; not before, and not with a gap between the pm and the citation. You are inconsistent. And you article is overall undercited. Check WP:CITE, and fix properly the online sources you have as citations, using Template:cite web and Template:cite news.
- Per MoS do not wikilink single years. Only year-month-date.
- "Peres' efforts went superbly well with..." Maybe POV.
- "Family life" is stubby. Expand or merge with "Early life". And "Peres is a relative of actress Lauren Bacall (born Betty Joan Perske)" is: a) uncited, b) is this such an important information for Peres' biography? And, if yes, I think it should be in "Early life"; not in "Family life".
- "he was implicated in the Lavon affair with Moshe Dayan." How was he implicated? Give us some info. Don't keep us in the dark!
- "He had been Rabin's chief rival for the post of Prime Minister after Golda Meir resigned in the aftermath of the Yom Kippur War. Peres continued to challenge Rabin for the leadership of the party. While again narrowly defeated..." An example of choppy prose.
- I compare this "Peres has never won a national election" with this "However they won more seats than any other party in 1984 and Peres became Prime Minister...", and I wonder if these assertions are in harmony with one another.
- "Political career" is a huge section. You could divide it in some sections, offering more info in each of these subsections. But reasearch is necessary in this case.
- "After two years they would trade places. After leaving the Premiership in 1986 he became foreign minister. In 1988 he led his party to yet another narrow defeat. He agreed to renew the coalition ..." Again choppy prose.
- "However, Peres remained active in politics, serving as Rabin's foreign minister from 1992 and briefly succeeding him after his assassination in 1995. During his term". Mmmmmm ... This is one of the most important periods in Peres's political career and you summarize it in one sentence?! Tell us more about the negotiation with Arafat, his collaboration with both Arafat and Rabin, how this triangle worked etc.
- "Had he won, as was expected, he would have been the first ex-Prime Minister to be elected President. Instead, he lost in an upset to Likud candidate Moshe Katsav." What were the causes of this "upset", as you call it?
- "Shimon Peres is one of Israel's most durable politicians and is currently the longest-serving member of the Knesset." Misplaced assertion, and I think I already read that in the lead.
- "His bitter exchanges with opponents began when former Prime Minister Barak began backing the holding of primaries early that year, as Amir Peretz and Haim Ramon, two staunch anti-Barak Knesset members vowed to support Peres at any cost to defeat Barak. In a bizarre change of events, Peretz soon declared his own candidacy, a move viewed by Peres as the greatest betrayal." I think better prose, and clearer narration of events is needed here.
- The last for paragraphs of "Political Career" are terrible! I don't understand what is the purpose there: assessment of Peres's overall career? Analysis of certain particular events? I do not know ... In any case, restructuring is needed here.
- "More recently he has been seen as a dove" By whom? And the whole "hawk"-"dove" analysis there for me who follows the Israeli-Palestinian-Arab conflict for some years is far too simplistic. And why don't you put this info about PLO talks in the correct chronological order above in "Political career"?
- "Peres was perhaps more closely associated with the Oslo Accords than any other Israeli politician (Rabin included)" How excactly? By doing what? I also raised this issue above. Put this misplaced info in its proper chronological order and analyze.
- "Peres' image is an unusual blend of visionary dreamer and ruthless and opportunistic wheeler-dealer." Again simplistic and vague. Who and why says that he is a "visionary dreamer"? Who and why says that he is "ruthless and opportunistic wheele-dealer".
- I would also like to have further analysis of the Peres-Sharon relationship, as well as of the Peres-Arafat and Peres-Rabin relationships (I have already mentioned that issue above).
- "Often, Peres acts as the informal "spokesman" of Israel (even when he is in the opposition) since he earned high prestige and respect among the international public opinion and diplomatic circles. Peres advocates Israel's security policy (military counter terror operations and the Israeli West Bank barrier) against international criticism and de-legitimation efforts from pro-Palestinian circles." IMO vague and unsourced statements, proper maybe for "The Economist" but not for "Wikipedia". Source, rephrase, work on these assertions, having in mind that this is an encyclopedia.
- "Awards"+"Interests"=Trivia! "Interests" should be part of the sections about his personal life, and "awards" could be easily merged in "Political Career".
- "Quotations" is listy. Incorporate the quotes you think as useful in the main text (and cite them), and remove the rest of them.
- "Katzav was chosen over Peres in 2000 by the Knesset to fill the largely ceremonial role." You already tell us that in the main prose. Why do you repeat the same thing in the note? And this "Katzav is now facing serious legal charges and his seven year term expires in mid-2007." could also be placed in the main text.
- Alphabetize categories at the end of the article.--Yannismarou 12:31, 21 April 2007 (UTC)
- Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, Ruhrfisch 04:03, 4 May 2007 (UTC)
A quick note: some of the quotes ought to be incorporated into the text using {{cquote}} or something similar (see here and here for examples of how this can be done), but other quotes belong on Wikisource, not in the article itself. Also, there are lots of redlinks: Vishniova, Kibbutz Alumot, Labor-Zionist youth movement, etc. etc. – Quadell (talk) (random) 12:57, 9 May 2007 (UTC)