Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

A tremendous amount of research and writing effort has been expounded to make this article as comprehensive yet balanced and user-friendly as possible. The goal in this effort has been to bring the article to A-class or Featured Article status. Hopefully a peer review by WikiProject Biography would constructively facilitate this to happen, or at the very least allow a greater improvement of the artifcle from where it stands now. As it currently stands, the article has grown well beyond the B-class status it currently enjoys. Jonyungk (talk) 06:10, 13 June 2008 (UTC)

Yannismarou

• The prose does not look to me to be at the desired "professional" level for FA.
  • An example from the lead: "Tchaikovsky considered himself a professional composer. He felt his professionalism in combining skill and high standards in his musical works separated him from his colleagues in "The Five." He shared several of their ideals, including an emphasis on national character in music. His aim, however, was linking those ideals with a professional standard high enough to satisfy European criteria. His professionalism also fueled his desire to reach a broad public, not just nationally but also internationally, which he would eventually do." Many short sentences. I think you'll have to copy-edit the article.
  • Or here:"The minimum age for acceptance was 12. For Pyotr, this meant two years boarding at the School of Jurisprudence's preparatory school, 800 miles (1,300 km) from his family. Pyotr adored Alexandra and was already hypersensitive emotionally. He lacked self-confidence and often clung to his mother's skirts.[10] Her abandonment of him at the preparatory school was extremely traumatic. It was to be the first of two brutally symbolic departures." Again choppy prose.
  • She claimed bankruptcy. Tchaikovsky, now a success throughout Europe, no longer needed her money. Her friendship and encouragement were another matter. Losing that companionship devastated him.
• Is the lead a proper summary of the whole article? I am not sure. It speaks about his music, but nothing about his life. A proper summary should include all the important elements of the main article.
• "Regardless, the same-sex practices widespread among students at the all-male School of Jurisprudence,[15][16][17] became his norm. With these proclivities came friendships with fellow students" What do you mean? Did he also practice these same-sex practices?
• The three last paragraphs of "Early manhood" are uncited. Try to have at least one citation for each paragraph.
• "he brief time with his wife drove him to the brink of emotional ruin." How exactly?
• "Tchaikovsky was more open to von Meck about much of his life and his creative processes than to any other person." I would cite that.
• "This arrangement can often take place between a woman and a gay man who is spiritually and artistically oriented.[42] A parallel relationship would be the platonic affair between Michelangelo and Vittoria Colonna, marchioness of Pescara." I am not sure if we need that.
• I am not sure about this long quote in the lead. I do not think in FAC they are happy to see such quotes in the lead. Maybe you could place it in a box or blockquote somewhere else in the article.
• "a cold, unhappy, distant parent not given to displays of physical affection." I am not sure if your somehow poetic prose here is encyclopedic, in the way Wikipedia wants it.
• "devastated him.[44][45][46][47]" Personally I do not like these long rows of citations. For ways to combine them, see El Greco or Tourette syndrome.
• "An unprecedented acclaim for Dostoyevsky's message rushed throughout Russia. Disdain for Tchaikovsky's music dissipated." I did not understand how exactly Dostoyevsky's message upgraded Tchaikovsky's fame in Russia.
• "Tchaikovsky's life in media" is a list. Me and some FA reviewers prefer prose. I would create a paragraph if the material is good enough for it. Alternatively, you could create a list as a separate article, and link to it, moving there your material.
• "Characteristics" is undercited.
• You don't have to wikilink "the Five" all the time. Once is enough!
• Put in "See also" only links not already linked within the main text.
• "Captions should have no period/full stop if they're a short sentence fragment; otherwise, they need periods/full stops at the end of each sentence or fragment."

Sorry but towards the end of the article I lost my concentration. After all, after the article is copy-edited and further improved, maybe an additional review would be useful. I must laud the scholarly research, and I would also like to point out that, although I liked the instances of "poetic prose", I am not sure if this is something the FAC reviewers would also like! But this is the task of a good copy-editor basically!--Yannismarou (talk) 16:01, 7 July 2008 (UTC)