Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Erin Davis/2007-01-02

Erin Davis

I've done a major rewrite on this article and would like to work towards getting it elevated to Good Article status. Any advice on what I can do to eventually get it to that point would be very appreciated. --Maelwys 14:42, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

User:Yannismarou

Nice start, but it still needs work. This is my review:

Fix the lead per WP:LEAD.
- Done --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Year of birth? Anything about her family?
- Had to do some research to find a birthday, but I've now added that and a bit more about her family. --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
I think "Early life" or "Early Yers" are better headings than "Upbringing".
- Done --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
The picture has no caption. You could also use an infobox.
- Done --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
No citations in "Upbringing".
- Added them --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Last paragraph "Radio career" is uncited. Try to have at least one citation for each paragraph.
- Cited --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Off-air work", "Charity work" and "Home Life" are stubby. Merge or expand.
- I'll hold off on this one for now, see if I can find a way to expand them, and merge them if I can't. --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
"Davis and Rob, her husband of 18 years, have a 15-year-old daughter, Lauren." Uncyclopedic and not-comprehensive: who is Rob? His full name? Is Davis his name and Erin took it after they got married or not? When did they get married?
- This one's a bit hard because her husband isn't a public figure and his last name isn't a matter of public record. I've reworded this section to try to make it a bit more comprehensive
I suggest you turn "Honours and awards" into proper prose.
- Done --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
5 from your 6 citations are from the same magazine. You need a wider range of sources.--Yannismarou 16:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
- Yeah, unfortunately that magazine was the only local periodical I could find with an expansive archive of old articles posted online. The other ones that I know wrote stories about her all did so several years ago, but only keep a couple weeks of archives online. Thanks for all the advice! --Maelwys 20:31, 2 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]