Talk:India/Text Peer Review and Sandbox

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This page is a staging area for potential edits to the Wikipedia India page, as well as a working area to request help with issues of grammar, copy-editing, coherence, and reliable sources for the potential edits to that page. Editors who subscribe to the principles enumerated below can request a peer-review or a communal edit in a sandbox, or both. The size of the text (presented by an editor) shouldn't be longer than a large sized paragraph of say 250 words; in other words, this page is not for editing entire sections of the India page.

Note: Peer review is the process of review by peers and usually implies a group of authoritative reviewers who are equally familiar and expert in the subject. The process represented by this page is not formal peer review in that sense and text that undergo this process cannot be assumed to have greater authority than any other, merely that it has been scrutinised by other editors who are interested in the topics treated on the India page.

Shortcut

WP:TITPRS

Principles

The volunteer members of this group commit to using this process over making unilateral edits directly to the India page (especially non-trivial edits).
The members are aware that this process can take at least 24 to 48 hours.
The members are aware that the mature parts of the article also need copy-editing or sourcing. (In other words, this is not just about writing new text and ignoring old text, or assuming that other editors will somehow do the copy-editing of the old text; the other editors want to write new material too.)
The members are aware that for a mature FA like India all edits to the main page are to be made in relation to edits in the daughter articles. (In other words, this is not about writing new sections for the India page, and at the same time letting the daughter articles remain in stub form.)

Volunteer Reviewers

Note: Reviewers do not have to be expert copy editors or experts on India. Each reviewer can help out in the way they are best able to. (This includes helping with reliable sources, issues of relevance to the page, length of text, where it would best fit, as well as copy-editing, grammar, and coherence.) Also, volunteering does not mean that you have to commit a certain amount of time. Simply that you will try to help out when you can.

Instructions

To ask for help with text, please fill out an TPRS (Text Peer Review and Sandbox) template, then add it to an appropriate section below.

Review WP:MOS to make sure your text has met the basic guidelines.
Create a new subpage named Talk:India/Text Peer Review and Sandbox/ExampleName
Copy the following content into the new blank subpage:
Do not change this portion of text at all: {{PAGENAME}}

===[[{{PAGENAME}}|ExampleName]]===

;Informative but brief caption for your text goes here.

'''What section is your text for?''' 

'''Would you like a Peer-Review or communal edits in a Sandbox?'''

'''Please add Current Version of Text:'''

'''Please add your proposed edits:'''

'''Other comments by author:'''

'''If proposed edit is for the sandbox, please copy again in sandbox.'''

====Sandbox:====
;Note Please use <nowiki>{{inuse}} during edits.

====Comments by reviewers:====

*'''Comments by {{user|Reviewer1}}:'''


*'''Comments by {{user|Reviewer2}}:'''

 
*'''Comments by {{user|Reviewer3}}:'''
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4. Add {{Talk:India/Text Peer Review and Sandbox/ExampleName}} to the top of the appropriate section below.

Suggestions for Talk:India/Text Peer Review and Sandbox

Place suggestions and self nominations for WP:TITPRS below

DemoText

Brief description of the British raj.

What section is your text for?

History section.

Would you like a Peer-Review or communal edits in a Sandbox?

Both.

Please add Current Version of Text:

British India or British Raj (rāj in Hindi meaning "nation"; from Sanskrit rājya) is the term used to refer to the period of direct British colonial rule of the Indian subcontinent (which included present-day India, Pakistan, Burma and Bangladesh) from 1858 to 1947. Much of the territory under British sway during this time was not directly ruled by the British, but were nominally independent princely states which were directly under the rule of the Maharajas, Rajas, Thakores, and Nawabs who entered into treaties as sovereigns with the British monarch as their feudal superior. This system was known as subsidiary alliance. Aden was part of "British India" from 1839, as was Burma from 1886; both became separate Crown Colonies of the British Empire in 1937.

Please add your proposed edits:

British Raj (rāj, lit. "rule" in Hindi) or British India, officially the British Indian Empire, and internationally and contemporaneously, India, was the term used synonymously for the region, the rule, and the period, from 1858 to 1947, of the British Empire on the Indian subcontinent. The region included areas directly administered by the United Kingdom (contemporaneously, "British India") as well as the princely states ruled by individual rulers under the paramountcy of the British Crown. The princely states, which had all entered into treaty arrangements with the British Crown, were allowed a degree of local autonomy in exchange for accepting protection and complete representation in international affairs by the United Kingdom. The British Indian Empire included the regions of present-day India, Pakistan, and Bangladesh, and, in addition, at various times, Aden (from 1858 to 1937), Lower Burma (from 1858 to 1937), and Upper Burma (from 1886 to 1937).

Other comments by author:

If proposed edit is for the sandbox, please copy again in sandbox.

Sandbox:

Note Please use {{inuse}} during edit.

British Raj (rāj, lit. "rule" in Hindi) or British India, officially the British Indian Empire, and internationally and contemporaneously, India, was the term used synonymously for the region, the rule, and the period, from 1858 to 1947, of the British Empire on the Indian subcontinent. The region included areas directly administered by the United Kingdom (contemporaneously, "British India") as well as the princely states ruled by individual rulers under the paramountcy of the British Crown. The princely states, which had all entered into treaty arrangements with the British Crown, were allowed a degree of local autonomy in exchange for accepting protection and complete representation in international affairs by the United Kingdom. The British Indian Empire included the regions of present-day India, Pakistan, and Bangladesh, and, in addition, at various times, Aden (from 1858 to 1937), Lower Burma (from 1858 to 1937), and Upper Burma (from 1886 to 1937).

Comments by reviewers:

Comments by Reviewer1 (talk · contribs):

Comments by Reviewer2 (talk · contribs):

Comments by Reviewer3 (talk · contribs):

Suggestion on health sentence

I wish to copyedit a sentence on health.

What section is your text for?

Demographics

Would you like a Peer-Review or communal edits in a Sandbox?

Both but mainly peer-review

Please add Current Version of Text:

India has higher rate of malnutrition among children under the age of three (46% in year 2007) than any other country in the world.^[1]^[2]

Please add your proposed edits:

India has the highest rate of malnutrition among children under the age of three (46% as of 2007) in the world.^[1]^[2]

or

India has rates of malnutrition among children under the age of three (46% as of 2007) higher than any country in the world.^[1]^[2]

Other comments by author:

The two references citing this sentence don't say the same thing. The Timesonline article states Almost 46 per cent of Indian children under the age of 3 suffer from malnutrition ... compares with about 35 per cent in sub-Saharan Africa and only 8 per cent in China while the World Bank article says parts of rural India have poverty rates comparable to borderline "failed states," such as Haiti and Nigeria, and have child malnutrition rates higher than any country in the world.

So even my sentences don't clarify the distinction. The under the age of three comparison is not for the whole world and the general child malnutrition sentence only says "parts of rural India." I think the best solution would be to split the sentence into two so each citation supports what it says and not what it half-says. Merging the two differents point into one is misleading. Gizza^Discuss ^© 23:08, 14 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Sandbox:

Note Please use {{inuse}} during edit.

India has rates of malnutrition among children under the age of three (46% as of 2007) higher than any country in the world.^[1]^[2]

Comments by reviewers:

Comments by Fowler&fowler (talk · contribs):

Just a note for reference. This issue was brought up first in this talk page discussion. There are a number of references there. Fowler&fowler «Talk» 02:41, 15 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

What page number does the world bank report say that on? I could find the page. Fowler&fowler «Talk» 02:44, 15 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

It is on page 1, ie. the first page after the Roman numberals. Gizza^Discuss ^© 03:09, 15 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Here are some of the references from the link above:

UNICEF 2006. The Picture in India: Nutrition.
The World Bank. Press Release 11 May 2006. Urgent Action Needed to Overcome Persistent Malnutrition in India, says World Bank Report.
The World Bank. India: Malnutrition Report. Released 10 May 2006. India's Undernourished Children, A Call to Reform and Action.

Here is one solution: Since malnutrition is measured by weight and age, one could rephrase the sentence as: "Prevalence of undernourished children in India is among the highest in the world (46 percent of all children under the age of three were underweight in 2006)." This is what the UNICEF site above say and also what the third link above (World Bank report) says. One could then replace that long World Bank Report whose page number I couldn't locate with either the UNICEF report (and they obviously are reliable for children) or the third World Bank Report. Fowler&fowler «Talk» 03:08, 15 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

OK, I just read the page 1 of the report you mentioned. That is an abstract (and kind of dramatic and vague at the same time); it is more accurate on pages 11-12, but the text there refers to the malnutrition report I added above. Since that report doesn't say the highest, but among the highest, I would probably go with the version: "Prevalence of undernourished children in India is among the highest in the world (46 percent of all children under the age of three were underweight in 2006)." and then cite the third world bank report (10 May 2006). Fowler&fowler «Talk» 03:28, 15 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Reviewer2 (talk · contribs):

Comments by Reviewer3 (talk · contribs):

Peer Review Archives

2007

^ ^a ^b ^c ^d Cite error: The named reference World bank 2006 was invoked but never defined (see the help page).
^ ^a ^b ^c ^d Page, Jeremy (February 22, 2007). ""Indian children suffer more malnutrition than in Ethiopia"". The Times. Retrieved 2007-04-28. {{cite web}}: Check date values in: |date= (help)

[World_bank_2006-1] Cite error: The named reference World bank 2006 was invoked but never defined (see the help page).

[Malnutrition-2] Page, Jeremy (February 22, 2007). ""Indian children suffer more malnutrition than in Ethiopia"". The Times. Retrieved 2007-04-28. {{cite web}}: Check date values in: |date= (help)

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