This is an essay on civility.

It contains the advice or opinions of one or more Wikipedia contributors. This page is not an encyclopedia article, nor is it one of Wikipedia's policies or guidelines, as it has not been thoroughly vetted by the community. Some essays represent widespread norms; others only represent minority viewpoints.

This page in a nutshell: Be aware, if you are prickly in your comments to other people, you have undermined your credibility if you claim your aren't being treated with proper civility.

Pick one

The wikipedia has policies and guidelines on civility and collegiality, and long established conventions on them too. Some people think these policies, guidelines and conventions are frequently ignored. Some otherwise fine contributors seem to feel free to act as if those policies, guidelines and conventions don't apply to them, or that they get to set them aside under certain circumstances.

Alternately, some individuals acknowledge they have been known to use tough language, but argue that they have remained within what they think is required of the amount of civility required of them.

Four quadrants

We could plot every wikipedia contributor on a chart with two dimensions -- (1) their sensitivity to perceived slights; (2) their insensitivity to slights others perceive in their comments.

We have some contributors who seem oblivious to attempts to insult them, who also are careful not to give offense;
We have contributors who seem to be oblivious to attempts to insult them, but who third parties see as recklessly spraying insults;
We have contributors who do a pretty good job not to give offense, who, nevertheless, do feel stung by insults addressed to them;
Finally, some contributors both complain about insults while recklessly giving offense.

Ideally, we would all be in the first group.

At least those in the second group are consistent

But that fourth group? Problematic.

My advice to anyone who has had a hint they are both sensitive to incoming insults, while insensitive to their outgoing abrasiveness?

Pick one. If you are going to complain about others' breaches of civility, then make an extra effort to make sure you are consistently civil. Alternately, if you recognize you can be abrasive, but think your own abrasiveness is forgiveable, or necessary, or whatever, realize you have eroded your credibility when complaining about your hurt feelings.