Wikipedia:Peer review/Wright brothers/archive2

Wright brothers

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I have listed this article for peer review in response to comments on the discussion page as well as my own agreement that the entry deserves featured article status. I have not contributed to this artcile, but have found it useful and informative. ShelbyBell (talk) 16:42, 27 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This is a most interesting article about a popular subject but not yet ready for a run at FA. Generally, the prose is flowing and easy to read. However, problems that drew my attention included a lack of sourcing for many whole paragraphs, entire subsections, and many claims that might reasonably be questioned. Something else that would help make the article more understandable to readers who know little about aircraft would be to link specialized terms. I did a rather thorough sentence-by-sentence review through the "Trouble establishing legitimacy" subsection. I think my review to that point might be enough, since you can to some extent extrapolate from it to the rest of the article.

WP:IMAGES advises against making text sandwiches, places where text is squeezed between two or more images. I see several of these in the article.

Lead

"They are also officially credited worldwide through the Fédération Aéronautique Internationale, the standard-setting and record-keeping body for aeronautics and astronautics, as "the first sustained and controlled heavier-than-air powered flight." - "They" can't be credited as a flight. Suggestion: " ... aeronautics and astronautics with achieving 'the first sustained and controlled heavier-than-air powered flight."
"into the first practical fixed-wing aircraft" - Wikilink fixed-wing aircraft?
"Their careful wind tunnel tests produced better aeronautical data than any before... " - Wikilink wind tunnel?
"the invention of a system of aerodynamic control" - Wikilink aerodynamic?

Early childhood

"Wilbur Wright was born near Millville, Indiana in 1867; Orville in Dayton, Ohio" - In each place in the article where you have a city, state combination like these two, you need a comma (or a terminal period if it comes at the end of a sentence) after the state, thus: "... Millville, Indiana, in 1867; Orville in Dayton, Ohio,... ". These are hard to see in edit mode because the ]] tricks the eye into imagining the end punctuation.

Early career and research

was accidentally struck in the face by a hockey stick" - Wikilink hockey stick?
"did not attend Yale as planned" - Wikilink Yale?
"was terminally ill with tuberculosis" - Wikilink tuberculosis?
"In May, Smithsonian Institution Secretary... " - Wikilink Smithsonian Institution?
"brought together several men who tested various types of gliders over the sand" - Wikilink gliders?

Ideas about control

"in another hang gliding crash in 1899" - Wikilink hang gliding?

Toward flight

Rather than repeating "flight", which is part of the level 2 section head directly above this subhead, I'd suggest something like "First steps".
A good rule of thumb is to provide a source for every set of statistics, every claim that might reasonably be questioned, every direct quote, and every paragraph. This entire subsection is unsourced yet must have come from a source or sources.
Normally in Wikipedia articles quantities such as five feet are also expressed in metric equivalents. I find that the {{convert}} template is handy for doing the conversions, thus: "flying a 5-foot (1.5 m) box kite". There's a learning curve associated with the template and its possibilities; some editors prefer to do these calculations in some other way and enter them. Oh, never mind. I see you have used the template in the table in the "Gliders" section.
"When the wings were warped, or twisted, one end would receive more lift and rise... " - Suggestion: "received more lift and rose... ".
"after writing to the government meteorologist stationed there" - Wikiliink meteorologist?
"the 1896 Chanute experiments at Lake Michigan" - Wikilink Lake Michigan?
"The trip from Dayton required a train ride to Cincinnati; change trains for an overnight ride to Old Point Comfort, Virginia (near Newport News); ferryboat to Norfolk; train to Elizabeth City, North Carolina; and boat ride to Kitty Hawk on the Outer Banks." - Suggestion: "The trip from Dayton required a train ride to Cincinnati; a change of trains for an overnight ride to Old Point Comfort, Virginia (near Newport News); a ferryboat to Norfolk; a train to Elizabeth City, North Carolina; and a boat ride to Kitty Hawk on the Outer Banks." Also, wikilink Outer Banks?

Gliders

The table has one conversion from imperial to metric for the "Chord" measurements, but two are unconverted. Also, do you not want to convert the lengths and weights to metric for some reason?
"This airfoil caused severe pitch problems" - Wikilink pitch (flight)?
""We came down here for wind and sand, and we have got them." - Needs a ref to give the source.

1900 Glider

To avoid repeating "glider", how about just "1900"?
"Most of the kite tests were unpiloted with sandbags or chains (and even a local boy) as onboard ballast." - Suggestion: "Most of the kite tests were unpiloted and used sandbags or chains (and even a local boy) as onboard ballast."
Most of this subsection is unsourced.

1901 Glider

Shorten to "1901"?
The first three paragraphs are unsourced.
"which would exaggerate predicted lift" - "exaggerated" rather than "would exaggerate"?
"allowed the brothers to balance lift against drag" - Wikilink drag?
"Wilbur, at Chanute's invitation, traveled to Chicago to give a speech to the Western Society of Engineers on September 18, 1901." - The link to an external link embedded in this sentence should be replaced by a citation.
"complemented by a lantern slide show" - Wikilink lantern slide?

1902 Glider

Shorten to "1902"?
Many of the paragraphs in this subsection are unsourced.
"The principles remained the same when ailerons superseded wing-warping." - Wikilink ailerons?

Adding power

"The finished blades were just over eight feet long, made of three laminations of glued spruce." - Metric conversion?
"Their altitude was about 10 ft above the ground." - Metric conversion?
I don't want to push you into overlinking, but it might help to link terms like "engine block", "crankcase" and "wing strut" for readers who might not be familiar with engines and aircraft.
Some of the paragraphs in this subsection are unsourced.

Trouble establishing legitimacy

"Some scholars of the Wrights speculate the brothers may have intentionally failed to fly in order to disinterest reporters in their experiments." - "Disinterest" isn't quite the right word. Suggestion: "Some scholars of the Wrights speculate the brothers may have intentionally failed to fly in order to cause reporters to lose interest in their experiments."
"each exceeding five minutes and covering nearly three miles" - Metric conversion?
"rather soggy 85 acre pasture" - Metric conversion?
This subsection includes a lot of unsourced statistics as well as unsourced paragraphs. It might also include unnecessary detail, though that's a judgment call. My mind began to wander in this section.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 19:31, 4 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]