Wikipedia:Peer review/WrestleMania XXIV/archive1

WrestleMania XXIV

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to see it reach FA status. Thanks, iMatthew 22:35, 10 November 2008 (UTC)

SRX

Resolved review by SRX

Lead

• The event featured ten professional wrestling matches with pre-determined outcomes between the fictional wrestling personalities participating in the event. The buildup to the matches and the scenarios that took place before, during, and after the event were planned by WWE's creative staff. The event starred wrestlers from the Raw, SmackDown and ECW brands: storyline expansions of the promotion where employees are assigned to wrestling brands (or television show) under the WWE banner. - this should be in the BG section. Before having it peer reviewed, Matt you should have updated the OOU style yourself to the more recent ones, like No Way Out (2004) and The Great American Bash (2005).
• I'll review the rest later if you attempt to make the updates manually on your own;)--S_RX 03:32, 11 November 2008 (UTC)

Ouch. iMatthew 03:35, 11 November 2008 (UTC)

I never meant it in a harsh way, I am just saying that you could have done some copyediting before the PR.--S_RX 03:49, 11 November 2008 (UTC)

Ouch-er. iMatthew 12:22, 11 November 2008 (UTC)

I've basically got the lead done, and after I read the article up and down, I think that any problems remaining could be fixed in a "step by step" peer review. iMatthew 13:13, 11 November 2008 (UTC)

• The show held three main events. During the first main event, The Undertaker defeated World Heavyweight Champion Edge to win the title. - well holding three main events is a supercard, needs to be properly worded. There also needs to be an elaboration as to how many matches there were overall. Excerpt from SummerSlam (2003)'s lead : Nine professional wrestling matches were scheduled on the event's card, which featured a supercard, a scheduling of more than one main event.
• During the first main event, The Undertaker defeated World Heavyweight Champion Edge to win the title. --> The first was a singles match that featured The Undertaker defeating World Heavyweight Champion Edge to win the title.
• The second was a standard match involving three wrestlers from the Raw brand, in which WWE Champion Randy Orton defeated challengers Triple H and John Cena to retain the championship. - The lead can be in IN-U, as long as the term is elaborated in the article. So you can just say "triple threat match."
• During the final main event, Kane defeated ECW Champion Chavo Guerrero to win the title. - well this reads like the ECW Championship match was the final match on the card. --> The other was a singles match, in which Kane defeated ECW Champion Chave Guerrero to win the title.
• You list the brand for the Raw match, you should list the brands for the other matches.
• Three featured bouts were featured on the undercard. - this was discussed to be cut out. I recommend using the sentence I wrote for OTE'99: From the six scheduled bouts on the undercard, two received more promotion.
• In a match where any weapon or outside interference was legal, Floyd Mayweather, Jr. defeated Big Show. - just say No DQ match, or whatever the match type was.
• The second bout had wrestlers from all three brands fighting in a Money in the Bank ladder match, where the objective is to climb a ladder and retrieve a briefcase hanging from the rafters; CM Punk won the match. - 1) Remove explanation of ladder match 2)Replaced "had" with "involved"
• Tickets went on sale to the public on November 3, 2007. ---> Tickets to the event went on sale to the public on November 3, 2007.
• For the second year in a row, WrestleMania broke the record for the highest-grossing pay-per-view in WWE history as well as for the Citrus Bowl, grossing $5.85 million in ticket sales. - comma is needed before the as well. I recommend a semicolon after Bowl.
• The record-breaking Citrus Bowl attendance record of 74,635 consisting of people from 21 countries, all 50 states, and five Canadian provinces, pumped an estimated $30 million into the local economy. - because of the way this is written a comma is needed after the number.
• More than one million people ordered the event, grossing $23.8 million in revenue. - ordered the event on what?--S_RX 14:38, 11 November 2008 (UTC)

Done, feel free to cap when you feel these are infact resolved. iMatthew 16:14, 11 November 2008 (UTC)

You didn't resolved the one about the comma after 74,635.--S_RX 17:02, 11 November 2008 (UTC)

Done. iMatthew 17:04, 11 November 2008 (UTC)

BG

• The prominent rivalry written into WrestleMania on the Raw brand was between Randy Orton, John Cena and Triple H (Paul Levesque), over the WWE Championship. - "scripted" works better versus "written."
• At the Royal Rumble in January, Cena won the Royal Rumble match, a match where thirty superstars compete in a ring and are eliminated by being thrown over the top rope, by last eliminating Triple H to become the number one contender to the WWE Championship at WrestleMania XXIV. - What is the Royal Rumble itself? A show? A PPV? I also think mentioning that he last eliminated Triple H is non-notable, as Triple H didn't retaliate over that, plus to much Plot.
• There, Orton got himself intentionally disqualified after slapping the referee, thus retaining the WWE Championship. - better worded as There, Orton intenionally disqualified himself by slapping the referee. + It needs to be stated that he retained due to WWE regulations somewhere.
• . If Orton won, however, the main event would stay as Orton versus Triple H in a standard wrestling match. Cena won the match, pinning Orton after lifting him onto his shoulders and slamming him down to the mat, a move that Cena dubbed the FU. - too much detail (Plot). Just say he won the match, in the BG it does not matter how he won it, remove the FU.
• After the match, Triple H, who was the Special Guest Referee, executed a Pedigree to both Cena and Orton, a move where Triple H tucks the opponent's head between his knees and jumps up to slam their head down to the mat.[17] - too much plot, unless you state that this also enhanced the feud then it can stay.S_RX 17:13, 11 November 2008 (UTC)

Done. iMatthew 20:37, 11 November 2008 (UTC)

• At the Royal Rumble pay-per-view event in January, Cena won the Royal Rumble match, where thirty wrestlers compete in a ring and are eliminated by being thrown over the top rope. - this has to be in past tense.--S_RX 00:21, 13 November 2008 (UTC)

Nikki

• "At the Royal Rumble pay-per-view event in January, Cena won the Royal Rumble match, a match where thirty superstars compete in a ring and are eliminated by being thrown over the top rope and became the number one contender to the WWE Championship at WrestleMania XXIV." - this is a run-on
• "The next night on Raw, one of WWE's primary television programs, after Cena argued that he deserved another WWE Championship match, Raw General Manager William Regal (Darren Matthews), who is portrayed as a matchmaker and rules enforcer, announced that Cena would face Orton later in the night with the stipulation being if Cena won, he would be added to the WrestleMania match between Triple H and Orton, making it a Triple Threat match, or a standard match that involves three wrestlers." - this is also a run-on
• Spot should probably be defined the first time it is used. I don't think the contextual clues make it 100% clear.

Nikki311 23:25, 11 November 2008 (UTC)

Done. iMatthew 22:16, 12 November 2008 (UTC)

Giants2008

• Are citations in the lead needed for the match results? They all look to be cited in the body already.
• Redundancy here: "The record-breaking Citrus Bowl attendance record..." Too many records.
• At the bottom, I see a few source concerns. References 1 and 12 need publishers, and I see a few questionable sources, including a Flickr photo and betweentheropes.com.
• Background: "Cena won the Royal Rumble match, a match (repetitive) where thirty superstars (might set off POV alarms; recommend wrestlers instead) compete in a ring (where else would they be competing?) and are eliminated by being thrown over the top rope (comma here) and became the number one contender to the WWE Championship at WrestleMania XXIV."
• The sentence about the Monday Night Raw after No Way Out is a run-on in my mind. I would stop and start a new sentence after Regal announced the match.
• Production: First off, great idea for a section. This will eventually set a new standard for all wrestling articles to follow. I'd like a change to this sentence, though: "In the March 2008 issue of WWE Magazine, WWE set designer Jason Robinson revealed that a steel rig with a tarpaulin roof would be built above the ring itself to prevent rain." A roof can't prevent rain; only Mother Nature can. This should say that it was to prevent rain from falling on the ring.

Overall, I think it still needs work before being sent to FAC. Keep working on it, though, because it has great potential. Giants2008 (17-14) 21:30, 12 November 2008 (UTC)

Done, thanks! iMatthew 22:25, 12 November 2008 (UTC)

Brianboulton

Sorry to have been a while getting here. I've only been able to look at lead and Background but as you see, I have quite a long list, mainly of minor points. I also have a general question, which has occurred to me before, in relation to other articles: why is so much detail thought necessary in wrestling articles, compared to those for other sports?

• Lead
  • "entirely outdoors"? I would have though "entirely" was superfluous since, surely, tournaments are either indoors or outdoors.
  • "Nine professional wrestling matches were scheduled on the event’s card, which featured a supercard, a scheduling of more than one main event". A bit clumsy and repetitive. Slight rewording would remove repetition and clarify, e.g.: “"Nine professional wrestling matches were programmed for the event, which featured a supercard, a scheduling of more than one main bout”.
  • Next sentence: "first" requires more definition, e.g. "The first of these was..."
  • Need to identify ECW – spell out on first mention
  • Clarify what title Kane won, since the words "to win the title" have been used earlier in the paragraph
  • In the third para, "thirty million dollars" should appear as $30 million (see last line). There are also some no-break space issues with 21 countries, 50 states.
    • How do you fix this? iMatthew 22:27, 14 November 2008 (UTC)

• Background
  • "eight professional wrestling matches..." It was nine in lead
  • "different" in first line is unnecessary
  • "The prominent rivalry..." Suggest "predominant" (as used later)
  • Transfer "that same night" to the beginning of its sentence: "That same night, Triple-H also became..."
  • Two number one contenders? How does that work?
    • Where is that? iMatthew 22:50, 14 November 2008 (UTC)
  • Delete "after" before "Cena"
  • (next sentence) "...enforcer, then announced..."
  • "in the night" should be "that night"
  • "being if Cena won..." should be "that if Cena should win,..."
  • "...a Triple Threat match, or a standard match..." Are these alternatives? If not, the "or" is not necessary.
  • "If Orton won" should be "If Orton should win..."
  • Last sentence of para looks in need of a "however": "However, Cena won the match, and was..."
  • "Undertaker won the match..." Isn’t he called The Undertaker? Check several mentions
  • "last eliminating...": "last" should be an adverb, "lastly" or "finally"
  • "Edge claimed..." would be better as "Edged predicted..."
  • Could there be some brief indication as to why Paul Wight’s return was a "surprise"?
  • "...the next match Flair loses would result in a forced retirement for Flair." Suggest reword: "...the next match Flair lost would result in his forced retirement".
  • "Flair also said" - no need for "also"
  • "Flair mentioned that he was asked..." should be "Flair mentioned that he had been asked..."
  • Also, "Flair, however, had refused..."
  • What is the purpose of the words "from ECW" after the bracketed information? They don’t appear to make sense
  • "...to determine the participants in the match..." Need to say which match.
  • "on the edition on that night’s edition.."? Remove "on the edition"
  • Full stop required after (Nelson Frazier Jr) as sentence ends here.

Brianboulton (talk) 15:41, 14 November 2008 (UTC)

In reply to your general question, it's because wrestling is not mainly a sport, but a scripted work and is sports entertainment (film and action), which requires background to how the scripts worked and how the event cameabout.S_RX 20:58, 14 November 2008 (UTC)

Done. iMatthew 22:50, 14 November 2008 (UTC)