Wikipedia:Peer review/Tokyo Mew Mew/archive1

Tokyo Mew Mew

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to see how it stands and see if what additional work may be needed before attempting to nominate it for GA or FA class.

Thanks, -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 04:52, 1 June 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article - seems like it is already pretty close to GA. Here are some suggestions for improvement, mostly nitpicky:

• A model article is useful for ideas to follow.
• Article needs a copyedit, examples follow:
  • Italicize magazine title in "A two-volume sequel to the manga, Tokyo Mew Mew a la Mode, was also serialized in Nakayoshi."?
  • Sentence just ends oddly Heavily edited and dubbed, 23 episo.des of Mew Mew Power aired on the 4Kids TV channel in the United States and on YTV in Canada, with 3 more. 3 more what?
  • Why is Ultramarine Lorikeet capitalized, but the other animal names are not?
  • Why "the" in After saying their goodbyes, the Kish, Pie, and Tart return to their own world.?
  • To be consistent, shouldn't the power / animal of Berry Shirayuki be given in the sequel plot?
  • The first paragraph of Characters seems to repeat much of the material from the Plot on the five girls.
  • Production makes no mention of the sequel (but should)
  • In the Manga section, is the plot of the sequel needed (already given in Plot) - avoid needless repetition
  • Weird parenthesis in however ten of the 4Kids episodes have been released to Region 4 DVD in (Australia and New Zealand) by Magna Pacific
  • In Video Games the first game gets two sentences and the second gets much more coverage. I would try to add more on the first per WP:WEIGHT and introduce the second better (parallel construction suggests "The second. title, was released... "
  • Does this sentence really need FIVE refs? The individual character song discs were released as standalone CDs on September 4, 2002.[32][33][34][35][36]
• Per WP:QUOTE, to be set off as block quotes, text should be at least four lines long.
• Some refs need more information - for example ref 59 is missing the publisher. Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:18, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for reviewing :) I used the MoS as the model for the article. Will see if someone can copyedit. LoCE seems dead, though, so may take awhile unfortunately :( Items 3-5 fixed. Will work on rewriting the characters. For production, I hadn't included the sequel because she doesn't discussion its production much, but will recheck. Fixed next two items. For the video games, unfortunately, that is all the sourceable information available on the first game. The second has so much information because the manga author discusses it in the author notes, but never mentioned the first one. For the last, yes...one ref for each of the five CDs. Quotes fixed. Ref 59 fixed, can't believe I missed that. -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 04:34, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

There are copyeditors listed at WP:PRV and I understand that although LOCE is nonfunctional, asking editors listed there for help on their talk pages often works. I am also fine if you want to strike or respond under my original points (or leave it like this), Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 10:37, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

Thanks, I'll take a look at it. Meanwhile, my fellow editor G.A.S. has redone the character section. Do you think that is a better version? (I'll be adding references to it this evening). -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 21:34, 6 June 2008 (UTC)