Wikipedia:Peer review/This Is It (Michael Jackson song)/archive1

This Is It (Michael Jackson song)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I think that this article has potential to become a Featured Article. I would very much appreciate if other editors could add suggestions on how to help improve this article and bring it up to FA status. Thanks, Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 19:38, 1 April 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: This article seems to have all the basic information needed, but the language needs some work before it would be ready for FAC, as well as some other issues. Here are some suggestions for improvement.

• According to WP:LEAD, the lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself, but the sixth posthumous album fact in the sentence The song was recorded by the former and featured as a track on his sixth posthumous album, This Is It ... is not repeated in the article that I could see (they really put out 6 posthumous albums that quick??)

fixed and yeah =/

• Per Wikipedia:LEAD#First_sentence: The article should begin with a declarative sentence, answering two questions for the nonspecialist reader: "What (or who) is the subject?" and "Why is this subject notable?"[1] I am not sure the current lead sentence meets this - should the fact that this was Jackson's posthumous single be in the first sentence too? Also Anka is more than just a singer and became an American citizen a few years ago (so he's not just Canadian).

done

• Can a song be both a pop ballad and a power ballad?

fixed

• The lead says Jackson's version, styled as a pop ballad, was his first song to chart on Billboards Hot Adult Contemporary Chart in over seventeen years. but the body of the article says the Jackson Five (including Michael) had not been on that chart since 1970 (much longer than 17 years) but it also says This Is It"'s charting ended a thirteen-year, seven-month and two-week absence Jackson had from the chart... so it seems not to match with the lead.

fixed

• The most difficult FA criteria for most articles at FAC is the first one, It is well-written: its prose is engaging, even brilliant, and of a professional standard; I think this needs a fair amount of work before it gets up to that level, and in some cases the language even introduces what seem to be errors that need to be fixed. Some examples follow (this is not an exhaustive or complete list)
• Four sentences in a row in the lead (2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th) start with "The song...", as do two more sentences in the lead.

fixed

• "His" is unclear in this sentence (meant to be Anka, but could be read as Jackson): According to Anka, the song was recorded in 1983 and was intended to be a duet between him and Jackson on his Walk A Fine Line album under the title "I Never Heard", but these plans fell-through. I am also not sure that "fell through" has a hyphen.

done

• I am not sure what a "style's founder" is - to me at least, this sentence makes no sense "This Is It"'s style's founder was Teddy Riley, who was a principal producer on Jackson's Dangerous album in 1991.[5]

removed

• Awkward, makes it sound like only the first disc was named This Is It, plus a lot of extra words (see strikes): It was confirmed during the announcement that the song was to feature backing vocals by Jackson's brothers and that the song would be included in a two-disc album,ending out the first disc,[9] Michael Jackson's This Is It[, at the end of the first disc].[8]

done

• Ended credits? Isn't it just end credits? It was also confirmed that the song would be featured during the ended credits of the film.[9]

fixed

• This is just not grammatically correct "This Is It" managed to chart within the Top 40 in Dutch, Slovakia and Czech.

fixed

• There is also a lot of needless repetition in the article - for example in the Airplay chart performance section why not combine these sentences: The song had similar success in Canada. "This Is It" peaked on the Canadian Hot 100 chart at number fifty-six.[26] (or several other like them.

done

• I also wondered why the Japanese chart (bets performance anywhere) was listed last - why not list it first in the international charts?

fixed

• OK, so I think this is a good start but needs a copyedit. The refs look good as far as I can tell. The lead image is lacking alt text.

done

• A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow - there are many FAs on songs that might be good models.

ok

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 03:35, 17 April 2010 (UTC)

• • • I have adressed all of the above problems Crystal Clear x3 07:20, 3 July 2011 (UTC)