Wikipedia:Peer review/Therapeutic hypothermia/archive1
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want it to be the best it can be. I also would like it to attain enough quality to someday be featured.
Thanks, Spencer Kline.
Ruhrfisch comments: Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement. If you want more comments, please ask here.
- Most pressing concern is the images, most of which appear to be copyrighted and need fair use rationales. Excessive fair use is not allowed either and several of them do not appear to be useable in this article even with a fair use rationale - the Newsweek cover and the ambulance picture come to mind. Also the Baron Dominque Larrey image, while old enough that is probably free, should not have the watermark it now has. See WP:IMAGE and WP:FAIR USE
- The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way - please see WP:LEAD
- References are not formatted properly - use of templates such as {{cite web}} and {{cite journal}} would help here. Ref 5 is also ;isted as an External link - no need to duplicate. "See also" is for articles of interest not already linked in the article.
- The article does not seem to be written from a neutral point of view - language like "This promising data has lead [sp = led] to the initiation of human studies. Unfortunately, at the time of this article’s publishing, no results have yet been returned." See WP:NPOV
- The article reads a bit like an advertisement for the Arctic Sun in spots - I note you have also written that article mostly. If you have a connection to the device, please see the conflict of interest policy.
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 12:09, 6 July 2008 (UTC)