Wikipedia:Peer review/The Office (U.S. TV series) season 2/archive1
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for May 2008.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
Another user previously nominated this article for WP:FLC, which it failed. I'm hoping to nom this for FL once again, but before I do, I'd like to get a short peer review, with the focus on the episode list, and the crew/reception sections.
Thanks, Mastrchf (t/c) 22:57, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
Comment: a lot of the plot summaries are still unclear, and poorly worded. Many of my suggestions haven't been taken either. Try to get an independent copy-editor. indopug (talk) 11:52, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
- Actually, on that list of suggestion, I'm pretty sure that every one has been used except the first. Mastrchf (t/c) 12:00, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
Comment: Perhaps you should remove the link to Josh Wolk as I don't think an article will be created for him. Maybe you should add his title instead like "Television critic Josh Wolk" or something. Also, I don't know if it's standards but is Red the official colour used to seperate these items? It's a little hard, maybe a softer colour would be more appropriate? Andrzejbanas (talk) 18:27, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
- The red corresponds to the main episode list. Mastrchf (t/c) 20:59, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article / list, here are some suggestions for improvement:
- I woud treat the FLC as a really detailed peer review and make sure every issue raised has been addressed (either fix it or have a great reason for not doing so). Then I would ask the people who made the reviews at FLC to look at the article again and see if they think the problems have been addressed.
- A model article is often useful for ideas - I note that The Simpsons (season 1) and seasons 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9 are all FLs and may be good models.
- Avoid short sentences that break up the flow of the prose - for example could The second season of the American television comedy The Office premiered in the United States on NBC on September 20, 2005 and ended on May 11, 2006. The season consisted of twenty-two episodes. be something like The second season of the American television comedy The Office premiered in the United States on NBC on September 20, 2005 and ended on May 11, 2006, with twenty-two episodes.
- This looks like a copy and paste error from the article on the first season: The show debuted as a midseason replacement which took the timeslot of Committed,[1] and thus had fewer episodes than its subsequent seasons.[2] since the article just said there were 22 episodes this season.
- The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way - for example Production does not seem to be in the lead. Please see WP:LEAD
- Also watch out for one or two sentence paragraphs like While The Office was mainly filmed on a studio set in Los Angeles, California, the city of Scranton, Pennsylvania, where the show is set, was also used for shots of the opening theme.[8] Either expand it or combine it with another paragraph.
- Article needs more references, for example the second paragraph of Cast has no refs. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref. See WP:CITE and WP:V
- Article prose still needs a copyedit.
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 05:08, 24 May 2008 (UTC)