Wikipedia:Peer review/The Naked Brothers Band: The Movie/archive1

The Naked Brothers Band: The Movie

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because... I've nominated the article at WP:FAC three times and was never approved.
It's a WP:GAN and has been through many copyedits.
I was wondering if some of you can pick up on anything so it can meet the criteria for FAC.

Thanks, ATC ^{. Talk} 20:40, 8 October 2009 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Although I have seen many commercials for the NAked Brothers show and this film, I have never actually watched either, so now I know much more what it is all about. I found this article to be interesting and while this certainly meets the GA criteria, it needs some work to meet WP:WIAFA. Here are some suggestions for improvement.

• The first thing I noticed is that the infobox image File:Naked BroDVD.jpg needs the correct source listed - it is currently just a wikilink to Amazon, when it should be the actual EL to the Amazon page where the image can be found - here
• I also would put most of the information in the alt text into the caption - the average reader not familiar with the band will not recognize the characters and this is the only image in this article to dientify them - who is the girl in white, who is the guy with glasses, which brother has the red bandana?
• Similarly the alt text does not really meet WP:ALT - it should describe what is seen, so "boy in a white T shirt with crossed drumsticks" and not identify "Alex WOlf holding up drumsticks" (ID is the caption's job)
• The hardest criterion for most articles to meet at FAC is 1a, well-written: its prose is engaging, even brilliant, and of a professional standard This needs a fair amount of work to get there. There are places where the prose could be tightened and/or polished or even rewritten. Some examples follow (not an exhaustive list):
  • Just in the lead sentence the word "two" is redundant (it is clear there are two brothers from their names) and could be removed here and in other places about a rock band fronted by Nat and Alex Wolff, two brothers who have become superstars.
  • I really do not understand what this sentence means When the dailies premiered, the channel received favorable ratings for children, aged 6 to 11.[4] The word Dailies refers to "the raw, unedited footage shot during the making of a motion picture" which is not what they would show on TV. Favorable ratings makes sense, but the for children... part needs to be clarified / explained better.
  • More tightening possible here Two brothers, Nat and Alex, aged nine and six respectively, are members of a band called The Silver Boulders. The band is led by Nat who is the lead singer-songwriter and keyboardist for the band, with Alex as the drummer. could just be something like The Silver Boulders band features the Wolff brothers: nine year old Nat is the lead singer-songwriter and keyboardist, and six year old Alex is the drummer.
  • Barbara eda-Young, James Badge-Dale, Gretchen Egolf, and Cooper Pillot are actors who starred in Draper's playwright Getting Into Heaven.[17] It could be Draper's play Getting Into Heaven, or it could be playwright Draper's Getting Into Heaven, but it makes no sense as written.
• I think it might help to add a bit about the parents' careers to provide context to the reader in the background (a few sentences)
• When I looked at several FAs on movies, few had a a cast section. One way to avoid it is to introduce the actors' names in parntheses after the role they play in the Plot section. If the Plot section is kept (your choice), it needs to be pared down. For example it now says "starred" for every role - this is not true. I would also avoid repeating information - we are told three times each in the article that the brothers are nine and six (plot, cast, filming) - once is enough.
• There are a lot of long quotes and not a lot of paraphrasing in some parts - the Awards and reception section is especially heavy on quotes. See WP:NFCC on the overuse of quotes.
• Make sure references are reliable sources - for example current ref 14 is just a catalog entry from a library: The Naked Brothers Band (DVD Video Recording)". Camden County Library. http://iii.camden.lib.nj.us:90/search~S9?/tThe+Naked+Brothers+Band%3A+The+Movie/tnaked+brothers+band+the+movie/1%2C1%2C1%2CB/frameset&FF=tnaked+brothers+band+the+movie&1%2C1%2C/indexsort=-. Retrieved August 22, 2009. and does not seem like it would meet WP:RS

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 12:32, 24 October 2009 (UTC)