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Wikipedia:Peer review/The Love Club EP/archive1

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to improve the article's quality

Thanks, Simon (talk) 08:52, 2 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from XXSNUGGUMSXX

[edit]
  • "In November 2012, it was freely available through SoundCloud"..... try the EP was released
  • "MacLachlan attempted to put Lorde with several songwriters and producers to help her producing them, but it failed"..... doesn't read very well, would be better as something like "MacLachlan unsuccessfully tried to set up Lorde with several songwriters and producers to help her with production"
  • "written by Lorde (credited as her birth-name Ella Yelich-O'Connor) and Joel Little"..... you don't need to mention the whole "credited as" bit
  • I don't think the "self" in "Lorde self-released The Love Club EP through her SoundCloud account" is needed
  • "On 8 March 2013, The Love Club EP was available for digital download via iTunes Stores"..... was released digitally via iTunes
  • Remove the hyphen from "In early-2014"
  • Try to find more reviews

There's my 2¢. Snuggums (talkcontributions) 04:16, 20 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Gee, thanks! Simon (talk) 04:53, 20 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]
No problem :). Snuggums (talkcontributions) 14:21, 20 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Prism

[edit]
  • "began to write songs" → "began writing songs"
  • " all of the songs for the record" → "the EP" (simple and not redundant)
  • "and from 8 March 2013, the EP was purchased for sales by Universal Music Group and Virgin." (a bit awkward...) → Make this a separate sentence, writing "The EP was (commercially/for sales) released on 8 March 2013 by (those labels).
  • The Nelson Mail says nothing about indie rock, just indie.
  • "some footage" → "footage"
  • "Ultimately, ..." (remove ultimately)
  • "The pair" is very similar to "paired"... change "the pair" to their surnames so the prose doesn't become repetitive
  • "Lorde had finished recording three tracks: "Royals", "Bravado" and "Biting Down" (remove three tracks:, it's redundant)
  • "They also recorded two other songs, "Million Dollar Bills" and "The Love Club" (Did they record two other songs, Million Dollar Bills and The Love Club, or did they record "Million Dollar Bills" and "The Love Club" (the two other songs)? This sentence is ambiguous. If it's the last option, change the comma and the following space to —.
  • "Little played all the instruments, including his own drum sample," (I find the drum part a bit confusing... like a drum sample is an instrument. Maybe "[...], while Little played all the instruments, including guitar and synthesizer, and also recorded drum samples.")
  • There's a Wikipedia guideline (of which I forgot the name) that says AllMusic isn't reliable for composers. Can you use AV media notes instead?
  • Be consistent with locations... either add them for all articles or remove them for articles that have them. (except for the iTunes Store links)
  • "'Royals' and 'Million Dollar Bills' are the two tracks that criticize the high life" → "Royals" and "Million Dollar Bills" criticize the high life. — prism 19:17, 20 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]