Wikipedia:Peer review/Tenacious D/archive4

Tenacious D

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I submitted this for FA a bit too soon (I have asked for the FA nom to be withdrawn). I would like to be able to submit this for FA after addressing any concerns here. Please help me sort this out for style, and any other improvements.

Thanks a lot, Tenacious D Fan (talk) 12:19, 3 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)

I'd expand the lead a bit. The article is long enough to need larger paragraphs in the lead.
"on HBO" - explain for non-experts so "American cable channel HBO" (or whatever's appropriate to HBO).
"(2004 – Present)" - present (uncapitalised) would be better to meet WP:HEAD.
"Tenacious D performing during their 2006-2007 tour" caption should use en-dash not hyphen for year separator.
Order citations numerically, there's an [8][7] at the moment.
If possible and where appropriate, place the references per WP:CITE which encourages immediately after punctuation.
"the NBA's New York Knicks.[7] - decided by the audience of the band's" - something's gone awry here, possibly a failed closed reference?
Don't put spaces between the years in the headings and the en-dash.
"Cross, with the writer " - Use Cross' full name as it's the beginning of a new section.
" ten- to twelve-minutes" hyphens not required.
"Although the critical reaction to the album was varied,[28] by November, 2005, it had achieved platinum status in the US." the "it" in the second sentence would naturally relate back to the reaction, not the album.
Demon doesn't need to be capitalised.
"This was followed by the second single, "Wonderboy", the music video of which was directed by Spike Jonze. A third video was made for Fuck Her Gently an animation depicting Black and Gass as cherubs by John Kricfalusi, the creator of Ren and Stimpy." is uncited.
"The full tour band." isn't very descriptive but at the least you need to remove the full stop as it's a fragment sentence.
Same with "The Devil Card." - no full stop.
First two paras of Film and television have no references.
"Tenacious D 'playing' the Sax-a-boom live." - lose the full stop again.

Hope that lot help. The Rambling Man (talk) 16:27, 7 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks a lot for that. I'll mark out what I have addressed below:

"This was followed by the second single, "Wonderboy", the music video of which was directed by Spike Jonze. A third video was made for Fuck Her Gently an animation depicting Black and Gass as cherubs by John Kricfalusi, the creator of Ren and Stimpy." is uncited.

Cited. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 14:37, 8 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"the NBA's New York Knicks.[7] - decided by the audience of the band's" - something's gone awry here, possibly a failed closed reference?

Sorted out, moved a better cite in. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 14:59, 8 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"(2004 – Present)" - present (uncapitalised) would be better to meet WP:HEAD.

Done Tenacious D Fan (talk) 15:00, 8 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"The full tour band." isn't very descriptive but at the least you need to remove the full stop as it's a fragment sentence.

Removed full stop and made more descriptive. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 15:04, 8 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Same with "The Devil Card." - no full stop.

Done. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 15:04, 8 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"Tenacious D 'playing' the Sax-a-boom live." - lose the full stop again.

Done. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 15:04, 8 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

" ten- to twelve-minutes" hyphens not required.

Dealt with. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 15:06, 8 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

First two paras of Film and television have no references.

Reorganized, and sorted. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 16:17, 8 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Demon doesn't need to be capitalised.

Done. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 16:19, 8 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"Although the critical reaction to the album was varied,[28] by November, 2005, it had achieved platinum status in the US." the "it" in the second sentence would naturally relate back to the reaction, not the album.

Reworded for accuracy. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 16:20, 8 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Don't put spaces between the years in the headings and the en-dash.

Done. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 16:26, 8 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

"Cross, with the writer " - Use Cross' full name as it's the beginning of a new section.

Done. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 16:26, 8 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

Current ref 36 (Tenacious Joes: Album) is lacking a publisher. Also, what makes this site reliable? (I know you love that phrase so much) It looks like a fan site. Any way you can cite this information to say Amazon or a big retailer?
Current ref 43 lacks last access date and publisher information. I'd ask on the reliable sources notice board about using IMDB for box office totals. I lean towards this one being okay, but better to get a second opinion.
The current ref 45 (UK Albums chart) Just takes you to a search page, not the results. Also what makes this site reliable?
Double check with the reliable sources notice board about using BoxOffice Mojo. Current trends seem to say that it's reliable, but better to get a second opinion.
http://www.popmatters.com/pm/tv/reviews/5125/the-mtv-video-music-awards-2006/ I'm not convinced yet that PopMatters is the best site for some of the information you're sourcing to it. Is there no official site for the awards?

Figured I might as well get these in before you come back to FAC. I didn't review for prose or photos, so those may be a problem still.

Thanks for the contribution.

Current ref 36 (Tenacious Joes: Album) is lacking a publisher. Also, what makes this site reliable? (I know you love that phrase so much) It looks like a fan site. Any way you can cite this information to say Amazon or a big retailer?

Agreed. The piece of information was not vital, and the cite has been removed. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 09:00, 12 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The current ref 45 (UK Albums chart) Just takes you to a search page, not the results. Also what makes this site reliable?

Good point. You can only link to search page (ie you can't link to results). This site has been accepted by a lot of FA discography pages as a valid cite as well. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 09:00, 12 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]