Wikipedia:Peer review/T-Mobile myTouch 4G Slide/archive1

T-Mobile myTouch 4G Slide

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I want It to become a GA but, need peer reviews first.

Thanks, Mike 2 8 9 16:33, 18 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Can somebody please answer this review?Mike 2 8 9 17:51, 29 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from Belovedfreak

Bearing in mind the peer review process is "intended for high-quality articles that have already undergone extensive work", there's unfortunately not a whole lot to go on here. It's quite a way from meeting the good article criteria. I will give some suggestions though. Apart from more content, if available, the article needs a thorough copyedit and more citations to reliable sources. Some suggestions:

The article needs proofreading at the very least as I quickly spotted missing punctuation and missing spaces
The lead should summarise the rest of the article (see WP:LEAD) which it doesn't at the moment, although there isn't too much content in the article yet
The first sentence of the article (beyond the lead) starts "During development, the device..." - what device? Remember that the lead is summarising the article, not just acting as an introduction. The first sentence of the main part of the article should make it clear what we're talking about.
"...the device was known as HTC "Doubleshot" and was leaked out to the public as its official name" - not a great sentence - the device was leaked as its official name? What does that mean?
"...many people hated cameras found on most phones" - really? People hate cameras on phones?
"The team then created the 4G Slide to be capable of using a very strong camera." - I'm not really sure what is being said here. Does this phone have a stronger camera than all other phones? What is meant by "stronger" anyway? More megapixels? More powerful zoom? Better at withstanding being dropped on the floor?
"The phone confirms the rumors set on multiple blogs" - what rumors? Are these notable blogs we're talking about?
"The 4G Slide features build nearly the same as the MyTouch 4G." - what does this mean?
"But the similarities end there." - incomplete sentence
You have 6 empty sections
Please make sure all sources used meet the guideline at Identifying reliable sources
To be honest, I don't understand some of what is here. It is an article about a piece of technology, so it is by necessity going to be somewhat technological and use jargon, but it needs to be as accessible as possible to a reasonably intelligent reader. For example, what's multi touch sensing? What's a genius button?

I'm not sure what else to say based on the amount that's there, but I hope that helps. --Beloved Freak 22:09, 29 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]